« August 2008 | Main | October 2008 »
September 26, 2008
It's an iWorld
I got the new iPhone (finally)... I was waiting until I found out if it is okay with the company to have one... but it is and so I got one. I'm not a big app addict but I have found that it is very useful... for example, I upload lots of pics now to Facebook using AirMe... and recently I've discovered Shazam which is amazing.. and now Loopt. Loopt lets you tell people where you and what you are doing and upload a picture.. it uses your GPS to show a virtual earth map of exactly where you are...
Tomorrow night, this is where I will be:
I talked to the owner today, we are meeting tomorrow afternoon to sign the lease and acquire the keys. I think it looks lovely. It's a furnished studio so all I need to bring is my clothes. It's 2.5 miles from the current Mysore classes in Capitol Hill which makes it further from work but I'd rather drive to work and back to a more central location than stay somewhere just because my job is there. The owner sounds really nice.. it is really important to me to lease from someone that seems to be a good person. I've spent the last year surrounded by people that I don't deem to be inherently good in the soul. I feel better when I see God in people and when I see God missing, it concerns me greatly. The owner found my blog - this blog and my old work blog. I didn't think anything of it when he mentioned it on the phone but later I thought "Wow, he knows way more about me than I probably expected he would..." which got me to thinking I bet my employer does to.
The great thing about a blog though is that this is me... it's all here... the good, the bad, the ugly, the insecure, the faith, the heart, the soul, the fear... it's all here. I don't have any desire to hide behind some facade or to pretend to be who I'm not... so it just doesn't phase me. I am who I am who I am.
I'm getting excited about having this space, about starting the new job on Monday... everything is new and sort of has that new car smell to it. It will be wierd to go to an office everyday... to wear business casual attire... It will be wierd to feel part of a larger team who can teach me, lead me... allow me to begin growing and learning again --- it seems like a long time since I've had the opportunity to do that.
It will be wierd to get on a mat again. I have a new found understanding that my body, my post-surgery body, just isn't the same. It never will be. It's a process of mourning I believe that I've only just started to understand.
Jaya Hanuman!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:29 PM | Comments (2)
September 25, 2008
Missing You
I miss my life. It's not that I miss life really... there are just aspects I really miss. I really miss the knowledge and the security of a daily yoga practice. The upheaval and travel schedule don't afford me that security blanket anymore. It's like they say... what good is the yoga if you can't use it when it counts the most and, right now, it counts the most. It counts oh so much... I remind myself daily "Just breathe" -- it's the breath... not the poses, not the discipline of showing up... it's being able to still your heart and your mind and breathe when breathing matters the most... just breathe.
I miss my teacher.
I miss my friends.
And, yet, strangely I feel like life is just now unfolding... like I've finally stepped into a boat that has not holes and I just need to learn the specifications, the individual energy to row it.. the specific way it moves to the right or left... or how to tilt the oar just so to get it to go in a straight line. It's not like things are perfect or I've got it all worked out but I feel like I've made solid decisions to my own benefit and I'll somehow arrive, driving the straight line to the nearest boat dock.
I was blessed tonight with the energy of good friends... of people I can afford to cry with, who don't tell me I'm crazy and who try to tell me where I'm looking at something like an idiot and where I'm not being honest with the situation and at the same time tell me how proud they are to know me. Those are good friends... that is the energy to fill one's life with. I sometimes forget how much love and light I have in my life... when I invest the energy to manifest it.
Thank you to my friends... I love you.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:44 AM | Comments (2)
September 23, 2008
Fear
I took a bath tonight. It is the first time in a very long long time I've taken a bath. I really like baths, especially when I'm not practicing. I think I've said that before.
Anyway... I was thinking in the bath about the first night in my new apartment. I was planning on maybe going out on the town with a friend, or maybe hanging out with someone else somewhere... but the thing is, none of those sound like the perfect thing. The perfect thing would just be to make some great food, get a great bottle of wine and just hang out in my new house. But when I say that I think the best person to be with me would be The Best Friend and since he can't be, I don't like that idea at all :)
I was also thinking about how the feeling sinks into the pit of your stomach when you realize in a certain situation that you believe what you believe. It's like deciding whether how you stand on the death penalty. When you've finally analzyed your feelings or made whatever decisions led you to know in your physical being that the way you feel is the way you feel, for or against. That same level of judgment, of decision, has come into my life recently in many ways. Being on a trial is just one example of that. I've had many others in the last couple weeks. But the moment of realization is the same.. you feel it in your body... even when you know that decision means something very different than you wish it meant as it begins to unfold into life. On the other hand, it's all done, over... (not that these things are linear, they ebb and they flow in life, yes.. but there are definitive moments of justice sprinkled along in there).
As I was thinking, I was stretching my body and arching my back when suddenly... a felt this wierd "fold" down my right breast. It wasn't necessarily painful as the same alien-ish experience when you first feel a child moving a limb around inside your womb (note: this is not the same as kicking in the womb). It reminded me that, like having a broken bone that didn't set correctly, I can't ignore the limitations I will forever have. The lesson? Never ever do backbends without the support of a full action sports bra.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:15 PM | Comments (0)
Surprises
Life is full of surprises but surprises are nice when you feel grounded and relaxed... even the bad surprises. I can't say this week has been full of joy... it's been filled with a lot of pain and confusion actually... but what I've discovered is that my only choice is to let completely go and find whatever strength is within that holds our soul together, that holds our heart together, that holds the facade of the self together when we feel like we really don't want to.
I find it funny that almost inevitably pain and the associated suffering come from the human pattern of communication... the desperate need inside a being to hide part of yourself... to have fear in the heart. Fear makes us do really strange things...
Fear
and
Fearlessness
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:24 PM | Comments (0)
September 21, 2008
Facing The Logistics
I'm getting excited about starting my new job. I'm also nervous. TWBD always says he'd be nervous if I wasn't nervous about something I'm doing professionally -- because if I'm not nervous, I'm not challenging myself. Given the course of the last year, I've never been nervous... just pissed off... nervous is a good thing.
It's amazing to look back on the drama of the last year and realize the toll that it has taken on me. I allowed my perception to be clouded by people who are likely in over their heads to an extent. I made choices for all the wrong reasons even when I knew they were the wrong reasons. Lessons run deep and wide when you can turn around and look at the aftermath of something you particpated in.... I can't wait for the stability of a big company behind me... the chance to dig in, find a groove and work it.
But first, I need to find a place to live. I've been looking at Craigslist in Seattle -- looking for a nicely furnished apartment on a 6 month lease. These aren't cheap but it is what it is.... I think I have decided, however, not to lease a car... I can rent one two weeks a month for as much as it would cost for lease + insurance and I don't have to worry about getting to or from the airport if I rent. One problem solved. I did find a cool place in Eastlake... it's a bit more than I want to spend but the other nearest place I found was in Sammamish and that seems way out in nowhere land. I haven't heard back from the gentleman yet but I am holding my breath 'cause he thought he'd be able to get me into it by Sunday... I start work Monday and it would be lovely to have the grounding of a place to come home to at the end of the day. ( For those of you who have a question brewing about this, yes, feel free to question it... sadly, I have no answers as it is a situation I understand not at all. )
Hopefully the trial will be over tomorrow so I can get back to my yoga practice.... with an apartment and a home base from which to practice in Seattle too.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:42 PM | Comments (2)
September 19, 2008
Step 1, Page 1
The jury trial has been, well, tiring. Who knew listening to all that testimony, fingerprints and police officers, he said, she said, objection, sustained, overruled, yada yada.. could be so tiring. Fortunately, it appears the two week trial will get cut short and the jury will get the case to decide on Monday afternoon. In what is completely frustrating, I am an alternate juror so after spending 5 days of my life listening to this case, I don't even get to have my say in the outcome. Monday we hear closing arguments and then the first 12 jurors decide a young man's fate.
I can only tell you 90 days after what happened and what I think the outcome should have been.
Due to the trial, I have been unable to do any yoga... between getting kids to school, catching a train, getting the dog walked and dinner on the table, there simply isn't time... so I've been running. Not far but far enough to feel the hips tighten and to at least break a nice sweat (and give my toes some serious blisters because, it appears, my feet have changed over the the last year or so). The dog is enjoying the little jogs and passes out on the cold tile as soon as I get her home.
In much more exciting news, I have accepted a position with a Big Software Company. It was a great offer.... requiring me to be in Redmond 50% of the time at least initially and also requiring international travel!!! I'm sorta excited about that part -- one of the guys is heading to India next month followed by Dubai and I think he recently went to Japan and Italy or something. It will take me a number of months to be prepared for one of those trips but hopefully I'm a quick learner. I'm somewhat nervous because I think this job will challenge me. It will definitely require me to get out the study books and learn some things I know absolutely nothing about and become an "expert" in them asap. This role is completely void of "development" -- writing no code for the first time in my life is going to be a hurdle to get over I think.
Step 2 is to get an actual car in Seattle. I have investigated lease assumption websites and found two possibilities... I'm being very specific in that I only want a 6-9 month lease so the dollar amount per month is going to be more than I would ideally like. The only cars I can seem to find are Mercedes which I'm not fond of but will have to investigate anyway. The sooner I can get my own car, the sooner I can setup some type of schedule and get into a groove of yoga in Seattle too.
I start my new career on September 29th. A fast track interview and a fast track starting date as they are trying to get me in before a big group-wide meeting the first of the month.
So, wish me luck... this is the first step of getting stability back... a solid grounding from which to grow and change my life.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:30 PM | Comments (2)
September 15, 2008
We Can Just Call It Mid-Life
I turned 39 this morning. Friday night my friends in Seattle threw a party. It was nice to have a party... I think it was the first party I've had since I was a teenager. Too much alcohol ingested... a very late night... but fun all the same. I'd do it again but I need another month or so of recovery. This morning I was met with Happy Birthdays from my kids, a phone call from my mom, a few emails and Facebook postings and voice mail... but, all in all, a really mellow day. I took a nap, I went with the kids to a birthday party for a 10 year old... I watched some TV.
I feel like I'm in the lull right before the next big wave pounds on the shore and my back is turned... I can feel the power but I haven't turned around to see just how big the wave is yet.
I was given a call by the hiring manager for the software company interview. He told me they are prepared to offer me the job should I be interested. I have no idea what the compensation model is so I told him that I was interested and now I wait for the package to be offered. In this case, though my motto is no negotiations, I'll have to negotiate, play the game...
I have many thoughts going on about this role. It's highly visible. It's a huge honor to be told they will be sending me an offer. It requires international travel which would be amazing. It is a huge commitment though. It requires me, for the foreseeable future, to continue splitting my time between cities. Relocation is not an available option for my family. It's also a huge stepping stone. I've been told by 3 people this role is a career maker, that I would be silly if I didn't jump the chance and that after doing this role, I can take my pick for the future.
It also would require me to actually fit into my work clothes again. Clothes I purchased just 5 months ago no longer fit me. I must do something to change this.
I also cannot put on shoes at the moment. The blisters are that bad.
Jury duty tomorrow. It sounds like the single most horrible thing I could do tomorrow but my civic duty can no longer be postponed and so I go at 7am, with a new book I hope is good... and a whole lot of time to kill.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:11 AM | Comments (3)
September 12, 2008
Blister In The Sun
I couldn't sleep the night before my interview. The night before I didn't look at the slide deck... I didn't really "prepare" as the normal me would have prepared. I sorta just figured "if I don't know it by now..." and that's what I went for... that was, until my brain popped on somewhere in the middle of the night and I proceeded to wake up every couple hours or less thinking "What the hell am I going to say?" Around 5:30 I got up, looked at my computer and planned to spend a couple hours "studying" but that lasted 15 minutes and I went back to bed.
The day before my interview I went and bought some new shoes. I only had 3-4" high heels with me and I thought it wouldn't be smart to be wearing those on a 7 hour interview day. So I cruised by Nordstrom's and bought some 2" pumps... The shoes began to hurt before the second interview... and I formed nice blisters all over my feet. So after my 2nd interview and then the presentation, my 3rd interview asked me to go for an interview walk... thinking a stroll I readily agreed... but the stroll was an hour long walk... which I enjoyed except that every step I thought my feet might fall off and I still had 2 more interviews to go!!! Needless to say, by the end of the day, I could not wait to take those shoes off and my feet haven't felt the same since.
The interview went well. I think I did fine and we'll see what they have to say. I'm not 100% sure about the role, I need to think a bit about what I learned yesterday and I need to hear salary and scale. The whole package though is going to require consideration as this big software company, well, they are world respected for their benefits package.
I think I need some coffee today... it sounds good.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:24 AM | Comments (1)
September 10, 2008
Interview Looping
Flew up to Seattle on Sunday... the weather is spectacular. It's hard to believe a place can be so beautiful when the weather is like this... just perfect... and all the green trees and the big mountains... and then I remember that it will be freezing just a short month from now.
I had all day meetings on campus on Monday but I did manage to come "home" and do about a half hour of yoga. Yesterday I opted to go out on the boat for the evening instead... the weather was too perfect not to.
On Friday afternoon I came across another job opening at big software company. Upon investigation, I discovered that someone I knew was in the group with the opening so I pinged him... and within 15 minutes he had me on the phone with the hiring manager... and, unlike the last opportunity, the guy had be fast tracked into an interview within an hour... and the process has been a whirlwind ever since with 3 recruiters contacting me and a last minute pre-screening in person interview yesterday. The pre-screening went great and it seems like it could be a good fit. It's a bit different than what I was expecting to do with my career so I'm still debating the pros and cons and I am interested in hearing what the other team members tell me about their roles and this role tomorrow during the loop.... which is 7 hours long!!!! The 7 hour interview doesn't freak me out as much as the unknown hour long presentation which I'm required to give... and which subject matter I have decks for all sitting on my nice regular machine in San Diego. So today I scrounged up a deck I had from an engagement nearly two years ago, changed the background and have decided I will just talk to the deck as best I can and totally not stress out on this whole thing.
So that's my game plan... I'm not going to recite stuff a bazillion times and try to memorize lines. I'm just going to go in with confidence that I know the subject matter and can talk to it like an intelligent person... and, if I can't, well then I shouldn't take the job anyway.
Friday night my friend Trinity and I are having a birthday party... we share the same birthday (Sunday) and it should be a fun get together with much debauchery. I've invited SUSAN and I hope she comes up... anyone else in the Seattle area -- as long as you're down with a good old college party, ping me up :>
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:15 PM | Comments (3)
September 3, 2008
One With The Energy
Last week was a really long week. I took my first red-eye ever last week... leaving Monday night at midnight for a flight to Dallas, TX. The flight itself was horrendous. I don't think I'll ever do that again. Even though I was flying first class (having MVP on one airline makes a huge difference), I couldn't find a way to sleep, the flight was bumpy, the baby behind me kept crying... I landed at 5:30 am not sure if it was morning or night. A "probably not the smartest move I've made" taxi ride landed me at the hotel before anyone for the conference I was attending was even awake but, graciously, CIODude had left me a key to his hotel suite and a made up sofa bed which I took complete advantage of to sleep for a few hours. Then I began my duties which ended up being described as Virtual Booth Babe. I found people I knew, I told them about the product I was representing, I set up demos... I drank coffee. All in all, it wasn't horrible. Part of my "job" was to do the social events, hanging at the parties, finding yet more people to schmooze... and, you know, I did a great job. Too bad there isn't much money in being a VBB.
I flew back to Seattle for a job interview after Dallas. The job interview was for a products company and the interview went phenomenally well. I really liked the product(s) and I really liked the people and I liked the role that we were coming up with on the fly that would work for me. I'm not sure the status on that... they can't hire me regardless of the interview outcome for a couple months and that's sure a hardship on me but, for the right role, I'll find a way.
I did do the phone screening for the big software company as well. The phone screening went awesome. It ended with them telling me I was perfect for the role... but the "next steps email" was a bit of a downer -- the geographical location issue is too big for them to deal with and so, it seems that option is not really an option.
I have to admit, I'm starting to get a bit freaked out not having an income. Sure, I know I can go get a job somewhere fairly quickly but really I don't want to do that. I want to wait until I feel right about something. The thing is I haven't found the feeling in my gut that says "Do this." I know the universe will provide and all that jazz and so, to be honest, I'm putting less effort into it than I probably should be.
With the craziness of the week, I didn't get much time for an actual practice... but I did make sure that every night I stretched as thoroughly as I could and with all the walking and activity, I don't feel worse for the wear.... except my back... which has been sleeping on sofa beds, rocks and camping beds and really feels completely horrible. First series practice today but I avoided all backbends. After practice, my teacher told me I should be backbending to make it feel better.
Manju Jois is going to be in one of my favorite new places on the planet in October. If I can find a job so that I know I'm safe, I think I may go spend the week out there in Oregon. I've never practiced with Manju but it sounds like a fun week.
So I sit and manifest... except I don't know exactly what I'm manifesting for.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:05 PM | Comments (2)