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June 25, 2008
So Small A World
Forget the title... after two posts about the smallness of the world, I have decided to move on.
The world is really small. Sometimes the smallest things can really jar us.
Seattle has been beautiful. Not San Diego in summer but okay. The kids are in this camp at the top of this mountain and they learned today how to forage trees and bushes for food as well as "stalk." They tell me they hike all day and eat on the trail. :)
I haven't had as much time for yoga as I'd like since getting the lunches made and the kids to and fro and fitting in work takes most of my day. I have managed to practice every other day but only small practices... mostly all of standing, 4 or 5 poses of first and 4 or 5 poses of second... it's not horrible and is what I'm able to manage for now. I think I've decided to do ashtanga down the coast for my return trip to San Diego. I'll be traveling by myself so I get to choose where to go. I was thinking of starting in Bend, OR and then down into SF. We'll see.. I may just find some rock to hike up to somewhere and sit by myself, watching the stars and unwinding.
I have noticed when I'm here in Seattle that about a week in I get this uncontrollable urge to just be alone. Since being here is "travel" it's much different than being able to retreat to your own room and read a book and get some down time. I think I might be really, really looking forward to the down time...
Duty calls.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:23 PM | Comments (2)
June 16, 2008
The Most Beautiful of Days
Today truly was an amazingly beautiful day in Seattle. The most alluring thing about Seattle is that when Seattle has a day like today, Seattle is far more beautiful than San Diego. I love the trees and the "closeness of nature" and when it is 75 out, I find I like it better than the beaches.
The most disalluring thing about Seattle is that a day like today doesn't happen all that often. The Sun always trumps.
We drove through Oregon in one day. We started off in Eugene, Or. Visited family in Crescent City, CA and then drove up the 101. We saw some signs for a "wildlife safari" so we stopped. It was, well, interesting. We continued up til what Google maps said was the perfect mixture of hours to beauty. It's funny how car navigation has become. I don't have GPS so I used the iPhone and periodics bursts with Google Maps while hooked up with my wifi card. Moving the blue line and instant recalculation is an awesome tool!!! First we were gonna spend the night in Salem, then Portland and then finally we decided it would be way cool if we were in 3 States in 3 Days for the kids. So we all agree to do that and we wound up spending the night at the biker hotel on the other side of the river and then getting up and landing on Sunday mid-day.
I took my mom to Pike's Place (where I got the most amazing cheese I've ever had and the biggest, pinkest, most beautiful Peonies ever) and then we all had dinner in the Space Needle. A need treat was the sticky notes and other various forms of messaging are placedo on the windows and people along the way pick them up and write on them. A message might say "Where are you from?" or "What did you order?" or "Write your name" We decided we were gonna leave a $1 bill and see if it would still be there when we got round full circle (the "building" moves in a circle providing a 360 view of the city). This was a great distraction for the kids who had a blast. They were so excited to see if it was still there. I'm happy to say it was (with added messages).
Trying to figure out where/if to practice in a studio. Summer camp makes that a bit difficult so I imagine home practices, wherever I can find a place to throw a mat.
I really hope the sun sticks around!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:38 PM | Comments (3)
June 13, 2008
Dedication
We rolled into San Francisco last night around 11pm. The kids had slept half the drive... I drove half, my mom the other half. I never really slept - the air conditioner was too loud, I forgot ear plugs, I had a 7 year old in bed with me and I had planned to practice at Ashtanga Yoga San Francisco at 6am... so I fretted all night, waking up every couple hours that the alarm would wake the whole room up. Around 4:45 I hemmed and hawed over practice.
I was tired.
I had a ton of stuff in the back of my car and would have to park on the street. What if someone broke into the car?
Should I take a cab... but what if I couldn't find a cab back?
I did this until about 5:38 and then I sucked it up, got up, made a cup of coffee, huddled in the bathroom, changed, called for the car and left.
I drove around a good 20 minutes trying to find a place to park. I finally found place that didn't appear to have any signs... I looked 3 times and finally parked. When I approached the studio, I couldn't figure out how to open the door so finally I buzzed. The practice space is beautiful. Lovely pictures, a HEATED floor (I had to touch it like 3 times) and a nice presence. Beautifully gorgeous Melissa was there and I got to practice behind her. I always find it funny how different teachers have different poses they adjust in. A lovely Supta K adjustment today... Friday first series made practice just a bit easier today.
After practice Melissa and I spent a bit of time chatting... I walked the block to the car and then had to look around... no car... yes, I parked right there in front of the laudromat... no car. In fact no cars.. and, then, a block behind... there it is... the sign... no parking 7-9.
*sigh*
$342 dollars later, 4 calls to a taxi service and about a half hour standing on the curb, I got my car back (note that the tow lot service man, seeing me with my yoga mat says "So that yoga (raised eyebrow) that really keeps you in shape, I see." Me, yes now can I have my car?).
We went to the Aquarium of the Pacific, tried to see the fogged in Golden Gate Bridge and we are now in a roadside motel in Eugene Oregon.
My body is tired. My muscles are sore. I slept half the way here (thank God for my mom). Tomorrow we see my grandfather and then we are going to drive up the Oregon coast and stop who knows where for the night.
I love road trips.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:30 PM | Comments (7)
June 12, 2008
Twenty Bucks
This morning my eyes opened at 5:30. Not sure why but I immediately recognized that I was awake and should probably get up and do something with regard to practice. I started thinking, as I lay in bed, that I used to do this routine of eating some yogurt before practice and I realized the heaviness and lack of stamina feel like having no energy... so I got up and I made a cup of coffee and I ate 5 tablespoons of yogurt with some raw nuts mixed in.
I left for practice and was on the mat by 6:30... and I loved my practice. I had a nice strong and normaly steady meditative practice.... My teacher gave me a nice adjustment in Kapotasana... I held my toes in Supta V (which is usually a no brainer for me but my knee has been bothering me lately)... I didn't land Bakasana B in class... I did give it a try but I never did land it... I think I was really nervous that maybe I could... and be seen.
Luck was on my side today -> got out of practice at 8:30, no traffic (very very unusual) and was able to make it home by 9. I leave tomorrow for the drive to Seattle so I had plenty to do plus getting my "life" together -> dr. for thyroid, hair cut and a meeting I did as a favor.
I've been eating a high protein, low carb diet and I've found that I get really tired in the afternoons and every night around 8pm. Tonight I actually laid my head down on my desk and took a cat nap!
I now have the car packed to the top... I have no idea what I've packed and what I haven't. I know my mat is somewhere in the back and I am hopeful perhaps I can practice once or twice on the way up... Friday morning in SF I hope and maybe Portland Sunday. Our plan right now is here to SF tomorrow. Friday morning checking out Golden Gate Bridge and Fisherman's Wharf with the kids... Friday afternoon up to Crescent City/Eureka area... then into Oregon for Saturday and finishing up to Seattle Sunday.
I don't know what I'm gonna do about practice in Seattle... I guess a lot of home practices. :)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:21 AM | Comments (3)
June 6, 2008
It Is A Practice
About two years ago The Daughter and I took a backbending picture. This is two years later... a little harder to get her whole body inside of mine but still... a lovely moment.
Pulled an all nighter again last night. Work is tough and I'm really on the fence about the value of doing what I'm doing. If I had more of a fair share of equity in the company, I'd have no problems but weighing the cut salary, the amount of equity I do have and my power to effect change (as well as the attitude and respect level I feel I receive from the people who do own the company) I'm not sure the weights are equal anymore. As a result of the all nighter, I didn't get up for practice this morning but I planned to head to first series at the health club tonight to make it easy on myself. I took a nap around 4 even to prepare.... only when I got there they had changed the class for one night only to start at 5:30 instead of 6 and it was way too late to show up late... so I very angrily went home, hemmed and hawed and finally just put my mat down in my office and started with sun salutation one... unpleasant, monkey mind, anger... and by the time I got to Parvottanasana I was much better.
I decided I would only do my second series practice... I really wanted to get some attempts in at Bakasana B tonight. And wouldn't you know... I landed Bakasana B and I held Bakasana B.. not once, not twice... not three times but a buch of times. It takes me a few tries each time... but I finally figured out I have to spread my feet wider, crouch my chest to my thighs and then jump... it isn't beautiful... but it is correct....
Oh now to learn how to exit it.....
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:42 PM | Comments (4)
June 2, 2008
Moments
I only had one moment today. One moment where I didn't retain my smile and I didn't retain the mindfulness that the choice is mine in how I react. I got pissed at work today. Not the first time, no one be shocked. But it is the first time since I decided to change my attitude and I immediately noticed.
It illuminated why we have a hard time sticking to our "guns" if we also try to exercise compassion. So while I may be mindful that my smile vanished and my blood boiled, I still haven't found the happy medium between passion and logic and just accepting what is. I think it has to do with control and I'm not really ready to give up the last bit of the analytics.
Practice this morning was crappy at first. I forgot to blog about how I seriously thought about leaving on Sunday's led practice. The heat and clausterphobia but always in the back of my head "get through this, this is the first rung on the ladder of discipline." I debated this morning too. And then the thing about doing all of first and some of second is the debate over the length of the practice. I could "always" just stop at first series if I get too tired or whatnot. So I debated that too. In the end I just shut up and did my practice. All of it...
That yoga... it always has just the right message.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:39 PM | Comments (2)
Heavy But Smiling
The whole smiling thing works really well. Even if the smile is just on the inside. All day today I've been mindful of just accepting what is. Someone mentioned that perhaps I don't care anymore but that really isn't the case. The truth is I care deeply about all of the issues in my life and their outcome but I've come full circle, hit rock bottom, have a deep understanding that I can't change anything without just completely letting go. This doesn't mean that I am not trying but I am not attached to the results. So, for example, while I might truly believe something - an action, whatever - had to happen and that in order for it to happen events X, Y and Z had to take place, in the past I would have been very passionate about my "case" -- today, I feel it is okay to statement my opinion and then accept whatever outcome or non-outcome takes place.
I feel this applies to my entire life right now. This includes internally as well. The smiling thing really helps the endeavor of letting go. Just accepting what is for the sake of inner peace. I don't know maybe I'll wake up one day and feel like my inaction led to a certain outcome but I suppose that's the path to take when I get there.
Practice today was so hot that my clausterphobic feelings came back for the first time this season. It is why I always stay to the front of the room on led Sundays. I was heavy today... and felt like my new belly was in the way of everything. Towards the end of practice I began to feel overwhelmed. Then my teacher read a Rumi poem that I swear was God's finger pointing at me. I started to cry... and I timed my exit so I could just leave before anyone saw me sobbing. I sobbed all the way to Solana Beach.
Not bad sobbing, just get it out tears. It felt nice to cry and just let it be. I spent the rest of the day cutting up salad fixings and making a raw cilantro lime vinagrette and taking the kids to the crystal store :)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:58 AM | Comments (0)