« March 2008 | Main | May 2008 »
April 29, 2008
Of Dwi Pada
I practiced yesterday here at the house. Turned up the heater to 82 degrees. This house has a lovely big huge dining room for practice with wood floors. I chanted the invocation loudly to a silent house. I started practice and immediately felt drawn to it. A nice full practice. In Supta K I couldn't get bound on the floor. I have discovered I have to spread my hips apart more in order to get enough room for the immobile breasts to reach the floor. It hinders my ability to bind all the time. So I sat up and put the left leg behind the head... and then thought "Hell I'll try to the right." Lo and behold, I bound Dwi Pada on my own for the first time ever. It was lovely. I did Kapotasana a few times but was never able to get much past mid-foot. Lovely as it was anyway. I even did Bakasana B for what I think was a whole full breath (the bruises on the back of my arms prove how many heavy tries I made). Ah it was so nice. I felt so awesome after.
I only wish that beautiful yogi feeling had extended into today. I just had a crappy day at work. Questioning myself and what I know is the right thing regardless of if it is the easy thing. Client meetings where I get to do my spiel, do it well and then leave thinking "Wow, that's a lot of work!" I am not practicing today. Too late of meetings. I can't decide if I should try Mysore somewhere. :( I have decided that V should open up her yoga studio, quit software and then I can join her in some secluded spanish spot where I can't understand the locals :)
On my flight up here to Seattle I sat next to a spinal surgeon. We talked the entire flight about spines and alloderm and whatnot. He told me how spines work and whatnot. At some point he examined my spine and he described, literally to T, issues I've dealt with my entire life. The hump all yoga teachers tell me that is in my spine is likely due to this "disease" -- it was fascinating. He wrote it all down for me. I haven't had time to do research but I'm interested nonetheless.
Of Dwi Pada and Fig Newmans.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:54 PM | Comments (0)
April 26, 2008
Of LS, Violet Hair and Sleepovers
TWBD was debating surfing this morning. Since I leave Monday for a two week trip, I couldn't say that I really wanted to do yoga. He woke me at 6am and told me he wasn't going, surf wasn't so great. I jammed out of bed and to the studio, hoping to be there by 6:30 but arriving only 15 minutes early. I realized about halfway through practice that I started off feeling rush and, as a result, my practice was very different. The awareness of having to "go to work/be somewhere" really changes the ability to get lost in the poses.
I did my whole practice nonetheless. I didn't open up today like I have on other days this week but it was just a regular practice. And that's what I need, the discipline of a regular practice.
I got to pamper myself today too.. I planned all my work out that I could take most of today as "Julie Day" and get my haircut and all that jazz. Having a short haircut requires maintenance. Gone are the days of deciding to get my hair cut like every 6 months if that. It wasn't my fault that even though I was complete with all my deliverables in time, the other parties were not and so I felt a bit of guilt and stress doing things for me.. but I did them nonetheless. I just did them while working. I sat for an hour getting my haircolored with my laptop connected to the salon's wi-fi. It wasn't bad. I always hate sitting in that chair flipping through magazines anyway. At some point you always run out and then you start to notice how uncomfortable you are. Time flew by today.
I love the color of my hair. They had done it "golden" last time but it felt too much like a soccer mom. I couldn't deal with it. Today it is a rich violet color with lighter reds dispersed between. It's pretty cool. I like it a lot. Even The Daughter who has twice told me she doesn't like my short hair said she thinks the color is "so cool."
The Daughter is having a sleepover tonight. This is only her first one with someone other than her best little friend. It is with a little girl from school and it is just bizarre. They are, well, just so girly. It is so foreign to me. They are singing and giggling and doing all those wierd hand games that little girls so love to come up with. Tomorrow we are supposed to get up and go get pedicures. Heck, at least it is time to wear cute sandals.
The Kids are going to come to Seattle with me right after school gets out. They are going to take this really cool wilderness awareness camp that I found. The instructions to the parents include "bring garbage bags to protect your car seats." :) I think I decided today to drive up to Seattle. Having the kids with me for two weeks will mean flying and renting a car will be just as expensive and I think it sounds like a really cool adventure. The kids are totally down for it (they are begging me to sleep in the car in a gas station - where do they get this stuff?). TWBD isn't really for the idea but he hates road trips. I love them. I'm sorta excited and I want to figure out how I could take 2.5 days and still see one cool thing on the way.
If I thought TWBD would go for it, I'd leave right after school gets out... Like the bell rings, we get in the car and we drive. I know that TWBD would not be able to process and accept this so I will not bring it up. I could imagine being 10 though and thinking "When that bell rings, I'm gonna get in the car and go on this 8 hour drive to "somewhere"." Then I could drive like 4 or 5 hours the first day and then continue up into Oregon the second day.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:06 AM | Comments (3)
April 24, 2008
Preparation
There was a lot of jesting going on in practice today. All in good fun, laughs and light heartedness. I don't mind those practices sometimes. I've been feeling really good - last night I thought I felt the inkling of being sick again... I was finding the anger bubbling up but I feel absolutely fine today so who knows... fear speaking.
I am still really trying to lift between sides (unsuccessful but the effort is there) and focus more on jumping up rather than through. I have a really hard time with this action. Practice, practice, practice. I didn't hesitate for second today... and I've stopped using anything under my heels for Pasasana. I can't get my feet flat and I'm not sure I ever will again, the pull through my side is too great but I can bind and twist and, for some reason, I just don't want something under my heels. My teacher has helped me a couple days in a row now with Krounchasana. I've only had an adjustment in this pose a couple times. My hamstrings are rather tight so it feels very nice but it is an odd sensation.
I've really gotten to the bottom of the surgical woes. It is the exact spot where they "stapled" me. I don't think I have a metal staple there but I do have "something" that is called a "staple" and it is that exact spot, where the skin indents from it, that hurts me. If I smash myself in a forward bend, it is that spot. If I'm attempting Bakasana or a handstand or headstand, that's the spot. If I pull both arms over my head and attempt to drop back, that's the spot. Now, this is the spot that was stapled because after Surgery #2, my breasts were falling way off to the side and, in case you weren't an ample blog reader back then or have forgotten, for a period of about a year I could NOT lay on my back. Not to sleep, read a book, watch TV or sunbathe. If I laid on my back, my breasts would fall so far to the side that the weight of the implant was so heavy that the skin stretched so much that I couldn't handle it. So, in Surgery #3, the stapled the sides "shut" or something so that my breasts have very little movement to them. This fixed that issue but has left this apparently issue. The stapling reduced my ability to fully move that side. I am going to email my doctor because I am unsure if I could damage something in there if I push it harder. Can the "stapling" undo.. because frankly, until you can't lay on your back, you'll never know how important being on your back can be (get your mind out of the gutter people although that was a problem too). I'm gonna have to say I'll take the limitations in yoga if it means I have to live with it to maintain what I've got going on.
During Supta Vajrasana, my teacher and I were having a discussion about Mt. Shasta. He asked me what week I was going and I told him I would be there for second series. He said good... I said eh, not so sure... (you see I didn't choose that week, it was handed to me :)). After Bakasana A, I did a bunch of attempts at Bakasana B. I can actually "land" on my elbows now but I cannot hold it. I held it for about a second today before sliding down. When I was tired and done.. my teacher said "one more" and I totally whined "ONE MORE? Really?" The response "What the next two are easy!" It took me a good 30 seconds to realize that he meant one more pose. "In preparation for Shasta" Normally, in our studio, when given one more, you say the name of the pose. I had to reach out say "Uh, I don't even know the next pose 'cause I never thought I'd move past Bakasana B." hahahahahaha He gave it to me nonetheless. I feel unworthy but ignited nonetheless.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:13 PM | Comments (1)
April 23, 2008
Thank You
I want to say thank you to the person who made such an honest comment to me yesterday. I particularly like this individual and have always felt that their honesty was pure and simple. The truth is, I have gained weight. I have been opting for the Thin Mints just one too many times. Tonight I opted for a banana.
Practice today was lovely. I did my whole practice. It was so lovely and I feel so cleansed. I decided I have to find my bandhas so I tried to lift, feet crossed between every pose. I haven't been able to lift all the way since before my surgeries. There is this point where the pecs engage that is filled with discomfort. I have lots of these little "post-surgery issues" Sometimes they are lazy excuses but, when it comes right down to it, I simply don't feel like it isn't "bad pain" yet. I have little issues too... like there are certain poses where I can't get squashed more even if I want to. Mari B will never be the same because I can't flatten the front of my body. I also have one of those little pains in Kapotasana. It is on the left side. I still can't take my hands over head to drop back... it stretches that side too much. Silly because that would help me but there is too much discomfort yet. So when I get down there, the right hand goes to the heel but I have a moment on the other side where I just don't want to be. Kapotasana was still great though. I actually liked it.
For the first time since the day I started practicing ashtanga, I actually *felt* that maybe, one day, years from now, Bakasana B might be attainable. I actually jumped to my elbows today and landed it... I only held it for the splitest of seconds but I actually did land.
The rest of the day was work, work, work but I did feel some semblance of inner peace.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:31 AM | Comments (1)
April 21, 2008
Jaya Hanuman
I really do love my practice...what little is left of it. I always feel better after but life has taken me so outside the discipline required to show up daily that I often feel undeserving of being in the presence of the wonderful group of people and their combined energies at the studio. Last night I was debating where to go for practice. I don't know any of the teacher's at the local health club anymore and the idea of my whole practice at the studio was not inviting... or just being there and feeling so overwhelmed with my utter incompetence and lack of devotion. Yes, you can hear the silly phrase, "I'm not worthy" generating around in my head.
So, overall, I was not too disappointed when I drove up to practice this morning to find my teacher's car missing from the parking lot. The room was fairly empty but I put my mat down next to Tiffany's really close ;) I was happy that I could just breathe and do first series and not really worry about performance or second series or backbends. Practice was fine. The first day always is.
I'm sick of having first days. I know it is all me.
After a crappy day at work, I made it this evening to the Hanuman Satsang at the studio. Saw my teacher for the first time... had a nice time... until someone asked me if I had consumed all the pounds they had lost.
*sigh*
I know it is all me.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:45 PM | Comments (2)
April 19, 2008
Truly On Demand
And that's the way we like it, right? The thing about NetFlix and Blockbuster and all the other ways you can rent movies aside from iTunes is that it isn't realy on demand. When I decide I want to watch a movie, I could be in any mood. Drama or independent or just a tear jerky lame movie meant to stir the emotions. The thing about iTunes is, I can say gee I want to watch a movie, check out what they got and download what I want in that moment. No forecasting for Sunday or maybe if I decide to watch two.
The Son and I are on our own this weekend. Indian Princesses are in Catalina. He had a baseball game today. Two and half hours. I took about 200 pictures with my new lens. It isn't a great lens but it is definitely better for baseball. It was so cold outside my hands were numb when I was done. I was looking through the lens at one point and a baseball literally grazed my shin. Everyone was yelling Heads Up! but I didn't realize they were talking to me. Doh.
The Son's friend is here tonight and they are playing an online game together. Earlier this morning, they called each other while they were playing the game to talk about what they were doing in the game. This is because the game disallows personal conversations. You can only say a certain set of canned words to each other. It's remarkable the social interaction when they do it together. This includes break dancing to the wierd song by Wierd Al that is the theme song of something or other, running around in circles following by squeals and bursts of hysterical laughter.
I want to be truly on demand. I want to be able to demand what I want to do in any moment and just do it.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:41 PM | Comments (2)
April 15, 2008
Bloggity Blog
Blog blog blog. I have so many deep penetrating thoughts about myself and where I am in life and why I'm doing what I'm doing and yet I can't blog them. They are so deeply personal. I am finding this wierd path. It's not worn or clear... sometimes the trail seems to dissipate and then come back together later. Sometimes I think I've lost my way and sometimes the direction of light is clear as day. A good God day. A day filled with the spirit.
Yoga always gave me that day. Deeply grounding and richly rewarding. I've taken advantage of the true ease of flexibility and have completely forgotten stira.
The whole mental monkey thing..that just goes on and on.
I was debating doing an evening practice tonight. My teacher is out of town so I looked at all the various yoga places that had ashtanga.. but I didn't recognize a single name on the list of teachers at like 3 clubs. Literally.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:28 PM | Comments (2)
April 14, 2008
Just No Clue
Busy week in Seattle. We didn't do many touristy things though it was our original intention. With the kids in Seattle, being at work was even more hectic but we did go to Archie McPhees (which they loved and decided they were moving to Seattle for) and they played in the rain in rain jackets. Thursday night I threw a party for them. I had all the people from work with kids come over. I went to Michaels and bought two big bucket of little 25c pieces of wood in shapes and some coloring paint pens, crayons, etc and set it all out on a table. The kids had a WII in the back room but, honestly, after one of the guys from work engaged in all out wet napkin war (ooooo) they preferred the slip sliding front lines of the wood dining room floor.
Being in Seattle with two kids and no babysitter left no time for yoga. That's okay though.. it was worth it. Saturday was beautiful and we took a boat out to the locks and around the skyline. We did the touristy Ivars thingy. Got a bit sunburned.
The flight back from Seattle was long. You know you are spoiled by always flying first class (thanks to the mileage you've flown, you always get upgraded for free) when you forget you have to pay for "a food box" -- so I had to dig out my wallet... which I promptly left behind on the airplane. I didn't realize it until after we'd gone home and the plane had already taken off for Seattle... apparently without a full cleaning. It's such a strange and uncomfortable feeling when you lose your wallet. I think it has happened to me once before. The discomfort is disarming.
I spent part of the morning calling credit card companies and cancelling credit cards. I think I still have like 5 more to call. Various things you don't think about having in your wallet until you realize they are gone -> membership cards, credit cards, health care cards.. your driver's license. I'll have to find time to go get a new one of those. You can barely function in today's world without a driver's license.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:47 PM | Comments (1)
April 6, 2008
Nasonex
This post is the ode to Nasonex. It's not like me to take pharmaceuticals readily but, I have to admit, that when offered the drug, I readily tried it. Only a millisecond hesitation. I had been knocked down last week when I left for Seattle. Still really sick. When I got here I got way, way worse. For 3 days I couldn't breathe. It was horrible. I've never experienced anything quite like that congestion. After a few days, someone I work with brought me a new Nasonex of his and that stuff is a miracle.
I finally think maybe tomorrow I could put my head upside down. Every day I think "darn, I have to start all over again."
I have to stop starting over again.
The green, on the other hand, is truly beautiful. The season is really kinda neat. Dare I say but running into the rain the other night to go to the super market wasn't all that bad. *shhhh please don't repeat that in public.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:48 PM | Comments (2)
April 1, 2008
Hot Cough Sweat Ache
That's been my life for two days. In the back of my mind I kept thinking "oh great, here I go back to square one, tight hamstrings, no stamina, no strength." I was hit hard with the flu thing again. Pretty much everyone I've known who has had it, gets it once then gets it again. I, apparently, was no exception. Unfortunately, that big software giant doesn't sleep and our botched deployment from this past week was scheduled for this Sunday night ... at midnight.
Thankfully, though I was up til 3am deploying, this time it deployed and things went well. I would have been able to sleep in but at 5:20, for the second time in a week, the power went out for like 4,000 users in San Diego County and The Daughter got up freaking out that she couldn't get the light on which woke up the rest of the household which made me realize I had left my computer on monitoring part of the deployment and, yes, I lost my Internet connection and my phone. Fortunately, I was logged into a remote desktop and so there was no impact on the actual work, just my ability to check in and get status. So I went back to sleep. :O
I finally started functioning around noon when I met PunkAssBitch to have her do some sad work for me while I'm gone. Sad because I'm really not happy about it at all but it's something I have to get done for now and we'll see where the future brings me. :( :( :( :( One of the sacrifices I'm trying to make in an effort to keep my life somewhat balanced and normal for my kids in the light of my personal existential crisis (sorry, LC, I had to use it but you know I'm kidding) and my crazy work schedule.
No yoga, my arms feel like weightless dead weights if that makes sense. The cough sucks but I am feeling better. I fly tomorrow so I'm hoping maybe I could make one practice tomorrow before I get on out of the beautiful gorgeous sunshine and up to the freezing cold where I hear it, gasp, snowed a couple days ago. On this trip I'm going to a wedding where the wedding is literally at the top of a chair lift at a ski resort - outdoors. What does one wear to a wedding like this (and, more importantly, how does one get down!). After the wedding the kids are flying in for a week in the freezing cold. Why they are looking forward to it, I'm not sure :) The novelty wears off really quickly.
Seattlites- I'm looking for one really cool thing to do... some cool restaurant or show or excursion we can take. We're planning the science center and the aquarium but I wanted something pretty cool. I really wanted to do Tillicum Village but it is only open on weekends :(
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:18 AM | Comments (3)