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March 29, 2008
You Can't Be Serious
All week it has been mid 70s with blue skies and a perfect blend of heat and offshore breeze. This is Southern California and, as I say every year around this time, this is why I work so hard to live here. You just can't beat the weather!
Yesterday on a conference call with the office the team announced that it was snowing in Seattle. *sigh* Snowing. My mindset has already changed from winter weather to shorts and flip flops. This next trip is gonna be a tough one. The kids, however, are coming with me on this next trip for spring break. We have plans for the aquarium and the space needle. I haven't explored Seattle for kids so it will be interesting to see what I can come up with.
We've lived in this house for 11 or 12 years now. The kids have never lived anywhere else, they know this neighborhood and the people in it inside and out. The Daughter was born in the family room of this home. I've noticed, over the course of 12 years, how the neighborhood has gone through a series of changes and "fads" -- for a few years, early on, it was having babies. One baby after another. The Welcome Home BabyX sign the neighborhood painted and put on the garage door of whichever home had the latest arrival was a common sign. Those wood stork signs on the lawn. After the tidal wave of babies, the fad was to be outside every afternoon with the various clan of age appropriate children running and playing. As the older clans of children grew up and out of the need for constant parental supervision, the number of parents outside every afternoon dwindled. The number of block parties and group activites went by the wayside. The next fad was the dogs. First one family, then another, then another, then another... until everyone on the street has the defacto 2.5 children and a family dog. The newest fad seems to be the family pool. The wave has been riding down the street, first one side and then the other. The Kids are now bugging TWBD and myself to build a pool. Yesterday when I was talking about how we'd all have to sacrifice and save to do this, how it would likely cost at least 30,000 dollars, The Daughter said "Yea Brother, we could just put it on our credit cards." (You see The Spring Fairies left both children a $25 Visa gift card) When I responded that it probably wouldn't be enough, The Daughter said "Its just a card, you put it in the machine and you get whatever you want."
Ah, the lesson of money, one I need to work on.
I'm sad to miss the kiran and ayruvedic dinner tonight. :(
Posted by ashtangagirl at 6:57 PM | Comments (2)
*sigh*
Practice on Thursday was fun. It wasn't a great practice. In fact, it downright felt pretty horrible. My hamstrings were super tight from doing my whole practice and I was tired, really tired. I forgot to drink some coffee before practice and I was lethargic. I have to admit, I wasn't too bummed out when I found out the cat was away. Kiran practiced next to me for the first time in forever. We spent half our practice catching up between poses :) (shhh don't tell anyone how illegal we are).
Thursday afternoon The Son and I played Rock Band. The Daughter can't read yet so she can't really play with us but when I can get the thing into overdrive, I give her the mic and let her sing with the echo. We have been playing on multiplayer, pick your song but we switched to band tour to check it out and we won a van... and some fans... and a manager. When we created our band, we didn't bother to fill out any of the things so we started in NYC. I think we'll have to redo it and start from San Diego and see what kind of venues we get. I actually made it through Roxanne yesterday too.
So, later, after dinner, when my throat started hurting I debated whether I was getting sick AGAIN or whether I had just overused my non-singing voice. We had plans to redo our botched deployment last night. As the hours ticked on... as midnight came and went I realized, with dread, definitely sick. :( At first I thought woe is me, why me but then I realized it's because I've been really unhealthy. Forget that I've been eating better and doing good things... I spent 3 months not taking my thyroid medication daily... in fact, that probably has a significant amount of reason for my weight gain. Yes, I realize I've been taking this medication for amost 14 years... and, yet, I still can't get myself to take it daily. I get on a roll and then circumstances change and I'll leave teh bottle in my purse and it leaves my mind at the same time.
So my immune system is likely depleted just trying to keep up with normal life and there's this one last cold going around and bingo bango boom, I get it. :( Spent half the day today in bed. Downing GSE and Astralagus and Oregon Grape Root. I hope it is a short and sweet reminder that messing with my hormones only gets more serious the older I get.
I had planned on first series tonight... but I could barely see straight and the cough sucks... so I didn't go. I took the opportunity to watch Enchanted with the kids and lay in bed to rest.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:23 AM | Comments (1)
March 26, 2008
Pants On Fire
Sigh. I guess what it boils down to is I really don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel like I keep asking on all these different paths but I'm still not getting the answer. Hello, God, it's me Julie.
I'm not unhappy or stressed about it. I've finally given over caution to whatever direction the wind is going to blow. Inaction is the waiting game. All roads lead to here.
Today was, as expected, the day from hell. My body reminded me all day that I did my entire practice yesterday. As a result I noticed I stood and sat up taller, straighter, with more awareness.
I also got to have a funny moment when, looking for something, I ran through my hit log... and someone found this blog searching for "[my teacher] ashtanga hot beautiful women" - what can you say?
So, my largest philosophical waxing, however is my child. She lies. She lies straight to my face. She lies and then says she doesn't know why she lies. She lied after she saw me walk into her bedroom, caught her with the iPod on a Spongebob show with a big huge blob of candy in her mouth. What's in your mouth? Nothing. I'm just not sure what to do about it. We've talked to her about how we are disappointed and how important trust is. It's happening enough that I'm beginning to be concerned.
P.S. to Cio -- yes but it is on my other computer and I'm too lazy to go get it :>
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:00 PM | Comments (14)
Avoidance Is Not The Answer
We had a large deployment last night for a large company and the deployment went bust. This left me up at midnight, at 1am, trying to figure out the best way to pull it back together. For the record, I never did.
It also left me unable to bail out on the 8am status call with the client and scrambling to get dressed, get a cup of coffee and get out the door in time for Mysore. But I made it! I was determined... and I made it.
It is sorta funny right now to go places because my hair is so drastically different that everyone has to comment on it. It isn't that they can't, KWIM? It's not like I cut a couple inches off or changed the color. It's not that I expect it, it's just people's faces immediately change and then they realize they are contractually obligated to say something. The responses are funny. Some are quite honest and visible and you can tell others are thinking "Damn, that was a stupid decision."
My teacher had to look at me twice before he recognized me. Either this is the haircut or the fact that I've been a horrible horrible student.
As I was setting up, Kiran introduced me to a student who had not done Mysore before and suggested she follow me. I said "Sure, I'm only doing first today." Dum Dum Dum "Only first today?" "Yes, only first today." "Well, let your conscious be the guide." The downed coffee was a bad idea. I had to pee the entire practice but the idea of leaving the wonderfully sweat soaked room to walk to the bathroom was not a pleasant one and so I did not. It wasn't until I approached Setu Bandhasana that I realized I was going to have to let the conscious guide me. When I finished I was instructing the girl next to me on the backbending sequence when I saw the feet... "yes, yes, I'm gonna do it just for you" "don't do it for me...."
But I did it. It wasn't pretty and it didn't feel good. But I did it. I even did Kapotasana. I even did Bakasana A (which I couldn't land on exit) and I even tried Bakasana B (which I didn't come close to landing on entry). But I did it. And you know what they say, the first time is fear replacement... the second time is a piece of cake.
Tomorrow -> no practice. Meetings all day, kids to pick up at noon, kid duty tomorrow night on my own. It's okay, my back is probably gonna need a day off.
In good news - Jenna is coming to town and Steph is coming in August. How awesome is that!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:13 AM | Comments (4)
March 24, 2008
Just Like Summer
Hello W, fancy you reading here?
Finally, an uneventful trip home. Landed, car was waiting for me, dropped me at home, dog barked, dropped bags, put together Spring Fairy baskets, hid eggs, created "basket hunt clues" and then I got a ping from a colleague, at a bar down the street, 11pm. I threw on some shoes and met him down there for a drink.
I haven't been to a meat market in a really long time. Let's face it, I'm 20 years older than most of them and look it. One young girl made a 20 minute discussion out of my tattoos and I will admit she had a rocking Tibetan tattoo across one shoulder (although she couldn't tell me what it said). I had a couple beers. My ass was grabbed but jostled more by the crowd as people pushed to and fro, in and out, swell and deswell (is that a word?). I had a couple beers and then I bailed out.
Two little alarm clocks woke me up at 6am and, with that, spring is here. 74 and beautiful out. We threw on shorts, tank tops and flip flops and drove down for lunch at Robertos by the beach. I do love San Diego. It's easy to forget sometimes when it's winter and the weather is comparable to Seattle... but coming home from big coats and big shoes and sweaters to my usual attire is really nice... I do love living here.
I didn't get to practice. Being gone a week and then taking practice on Easter Sunday isn't really a good mommy move. The moonday on Friday messed me up. I got on the mat today but only did sun salutations and standing. Practice tomorrow... for more ass kicking...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:36 PM | Comments (3)
March 21, 2008
That's A Coast Not A Beach
Seattle this week. I really tried to make my life more "normal" up here. I'm feeling sorta centered actually and I didn't want to get it all messed up again traveling. When I arrived I went to the grocery store including the local Indian market. I bought spices and a pot and a tiffin. The first night I made a killer north Indian curry with shrimp. Leftovers even for the next day at work. I drank lots of water. I went to yoga on Sunday. I'm not a big fan of led classes by default so it was just a class for me. I was looking forward to a Mysore practice... and I went... but it was difficult. Tough. I was relieved when Carl came and put his mat down next to me. Isn't it funny, like Jenna has been talking about, that we feel a different affinity for people who we know via this blog thang (chicken wing). I practiced again yesterday. This time I had the pleasure of Carl on one side and JumpsThruSomeday (who, by the way, has a lovely straight-legged, very quiet jump through). Still a struggle, in fact, slightly more than struggle. I didn't even do backbends or headstand. JTS gave me a lovely head/shoulder massage right before savasana and what a difference it made for me during savasana.
After we got coffee and I babbled too much about my life challenges... and I got to have a marionberry croissant... which I've never had before and now could eat 10 of.
The thing that is cool about practicing in Seattle -- you have to get up early. Really early. The nice thing about this is that once you've gotten out of bed, there's nothing else to do. It's too early to have had a breakdown at work, no one is up yet... no need to check email. At that point, there's nothing to distract you and you know that after practice is a reasonable time to do a first pass. Practicing nearly 2 hours later in the day removes that cushion and requires an early check-in which sometimes leads to the inability to practice at all.
Ah, waxing philosophical.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:02 PM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2008
Day Whatever
Yesterday I had a emergency conference call scheduled at 8am for the project we are going live with Monday so I couldn't make practice. I decided this was no big deal, that I could do Intro to Second Series which would be good for me anyway. Then about 3pm a big huge problem was discovered and I ended up flying out of San Diego last night for Seattle. I intended to get up here, sleep, get up, make primary series at AYS and then work all day.... but about an hour into our flight I noticed some wierd things going on. I felt the plane slow WAAAYYYY down. In an effort to maintain my sanity and not freak out, I did not even take out my ear plugs. I continued to watch the flight attendants scury about, ask for some sort of help via the intercom, turn all the lights on in the cabin... and then shortly therefore an announcement that we were making an emergency landing in Sacramento.
Now, I love birth and babies.... and if I wasn't scared of blood and didn't need to support a family, I'd consider being a midwife or a midwife's assistant... but, color me purple, a lady got on the plane TWO WEEKS past her due date with TWO SMALL CHILDREN in tow and no one else. And, yes, she went into labor on the plane... requiring an emergency landing as the baby was coming fast. Fortunately there were 3 doctors on the plane. I've never done such an immediate landing. The plane just descended and quickly... really quickly. Even the guy next to me commented on the feeling in the face as we came down so fast.
On the ground the paramedics came, took the woman and her two kids to the hospital while we waited for the plane to refuel, the computers to be reset, etc. and finally take off for the remainder of our trip to Seattle. Unfortunately, this put me landing in Seattle about 1 or so in the morning and not actually in a bed with a pillow until about 2:30 so getting up early for practice was not something that was going to happen :(
I am hoping I can find some time to do a mini-practice here before the day is over.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 2:19 PM | Comments (4)
March 14, 2008
Day 5: Jaya Ganesha
I'm reading Palace of Illusions. I am enjoying the story much and I'd recommend it highly to all you yoga students.
I had a great day off today.
I got up and went to yoga. I practiced next to Tiff who's practice has become light and airy and quite beautiful. Across from Kiran who always amazes me with her strength. I never really saw anyone else. I was down for the brutality of the recovery day on the mat.. since yesterday I could barely move. In reality, only strength is seriously lacking. The poses aren't necessarily out of my reach and even doing a regular unassisted dropback routine is attainable. But I have no strength, no bandhas (not that I ever did but now I really have none)... it's good though. The humbling experience reminds me what it takes to practice.
As I was pressing up for backbends I noticed my teacher looking at me funny. I said "What!?" He said "Only first today?"
After yoga I stopped and got a smoothie at the HFS and then drove up to Salon # 1. It felt good to take care of me.
I stopped at the mall on the way back from Carlsbad, cruised through the Theory outlet for some work clothes and then drove straight on through to uptown at Salon #2. Where I chopped all of my hair off.
I am not yet sure that I like it but it doesn't really matter. Hair just grows.. this too shall pass.
Jaya Jaya Ganesha
Om to the being of new beginnings
I bow to the feet of the lotus
I leave Saturday for Seattle. C does anyone pratice on Sunday there? Can we make a practice on Sunday there!? I need the discipline. If I can find a car I will be at practice every morning except Wednesday :>
P.S. -- what was the $10?
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:09 AM | Comments (6)
March 13, 2008
Day 4: Revenge
Muhahahahahaha
That's what my muscles said about 5am this morning when they woke me from a deep dream to laugh at me, mock me and otherwise remind me that doing all of first and a bunch of dropbacks probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. Why is it that I always swear I'll go slow and then I just bingo bango decide I can do what took me 5 years to get through originally.
Talk about learning the same lesson over and over.
My alarm went off at 6am for practice... but I literally thought I might break in half when I put one foot down on the floor. So I didn't go. I called today a Walk Like You Have Sticks For Legs and remind yourself of the years of practice that took discipline. It's the discipline we are looking for.
Instead I had a wonderfully great day...
The Tax Man had great news! Thanks to owning my own business and then taking the cut in pay. I paid more taxes than normal and we only owe a single paycheck instead of like 6. I am so very happy about this.
On top of that, I haven't blogged about the scare with my mom... and the MRI and biopsy that had to get performed this week. It was really just a bit too scary for me to think on so I tried not to. I was really internally upset by it but I just didn't want to acknowledge it. Today was the biopsy and, while we won't have the pathology back until Friday, the doctor seemed to feel much better after she did than after the MRI.
ATTENTION CIODUDE:
Attention, are you listening... you will be so proud my East Coast Dad...
Tomorrow I am taking the ENTIRE day off of work. Not only am I taking the ENTIRE day off of work but I am going to do things FOR ME.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:04 AM | Comments (3)
March 11, 2008
Day 3: Out of Shape
Thanks to Kiran's encouragement, I decided doing this whole self-practice, less-disciplined thing was stupid and so I got up this morning and went to practice. I was intimidated. I put my mat at the very far end of the room hoping to hide out and just be. I'm feeling overwhelmingly emotional and unsure of my feelings about a host of different things. I do, however, feel centered and strong... just a bit uneasy.
After laying down my mat. I went to say hi to my teacher. I received the most loving and wonderful hug I've received in months... and I guess I didn't realize how very, very much I needed it. How very much I needed someone's arms around me giving me strength. What's that about leaning on the people who love you when you need it? Yes, I suck at that.
Without further ado I got down to asana. It wasn't horrible... but, then, the first day never is, is it? It's the second and third days that are difficult. First series only. Amazingly enough a regular first series just a bit weak and lethargic and, quite frankly, fat. I've gained weight. A lot. A combination of eating like crap, taking hormones and traveling too much. Nothing like putting yourself in yoga clothing and contorting your body to see all the bulges that weren't there before.
In Mari B I got overwhelmed with emotion. I started sobbing. So I stayed there until I could lookup without tears rolling down my cheeks. Did the other side, sobbed some more. I probably need a really, really, really, really good cry. I got an absolutely incredible adjustment in Mari d -- during which I was asked "Where have you been practicing?" To which I responded, "I haven't." At the end of first I did 3 backbends and popped up. 5 dropbacks that felt absolutely insanely lovely. When my teacher came for assisted dropbacks he asked "Only first today?" "Yes, only first today." "Out of shape?" "Yes, very out of shape."
Day 3: Humility, Strength, Devotion and Realization.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:02 PM | Comments (2)
Day 2
I saw my mat but only briefly. Just sun salutation.. Nothing else.
At least feet hit mat.
Day 2.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:51 AM | Comments (1)
March 9, 2008
Stop The Madness
Have you ever had a thought that really needs to come out but you suppress the idea of ever dealing with it until, one day, your subconscious takes over. All of a sudden something pushes your final button and you begin to act out, thereby forcing yourself to think "What the hell am I doing?" I had a day like that today. It wasn't until I sat down at my computer that the pinnacle of the thought came to me. The fear. I found it (for like one small tinsy little aspect of my life). On to the next step of being mindful of it.
Today is Day 1. Today I accomplished the following:
- Returned the Rock Band box I got yesterday at Best Buy. I mistakenly got the PSP version instead of xBox.
- Returned the PCI TV Tuner card I bought. I didn't realize I had a PCI EXPRESS port. Bought a USB one instead.
- Purchased a 512mb graphics card to hook up another secondary monitor
- Installed the xBox 360 as an extender for Windows Media Center on Vista. Copied all pictures of the family and music to one local drive. Now this is pretty slick. The kids are totally in love with the slideshows it does of your local picture directories.
- After getting the USB port setup, I installed the tv tuner and setup TIVO ala xbox 360.
:>
Then I did my first practice. I've lost count of when the last asana practice was so today is just Day 1. It felt like Day 1. It's humbling honestly and I debate whether I think everyone should try it. ;-) I am horribly out of shape but it felt lovely to be in actual yoga clothes with an actual yoga mat under my feet. Don't get me wrong, 3 sun salutations in, I was thinking "shit this is easier not to do" but I kept going... I promised myself I wouldn't do a "real" practice (what a lame idea) and that ended up being my out the entire time on the mat. "It doesn't have to be a real practice, it just has to be a practice." So I did standing, and 3 postures from first series and 3 backbends and finishing. I felt like a cheat but then I stood up and felt a bit wobbly.
Day 1: Start at the beginning.
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This evening I installed Rock Band. The Daughter lost media privileges so she didn't get to play but The Son and I played a few games. First, I can't sing. I did manage to make it through Brass In The Pocket or whatever that song is. The drum is a huge workout!!! The Son and I had fun. TWBD didn't seem to like the noise too much :)
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I didn't work at all this weekend.
Day 1
(Edited to add: Hey DjM check it out.. too sweet - scroll to end - http://ashtangi.net/fiw/archives/2006_03_09.html)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:59 PM | Comments (3)
March 2, 2008
Light Headed & Sweaty
Flu.
I have the flu. I've been in bed since I got home. TWBD and The Kids have been taking care of me... as much as they can anyway. None are very good in the nursing department and I pretty much demanded the kids stay away as they both have their birthday parties this week. No place for the flu at birthday parties.
The first day in bed was spent in a mindless haze. The night was horrid. Up all night, the flu taking its toll on my body. Yesterday I was restless, tired of being in bed but I forced myself to stay there. Today I promised the kids I would do something with them but I knew halfway up the 5 North to Encinitas that going to Target to pick up their birthday presents was one of my more stupid decisions. Periodic sweats and a fuzzy head. I came home and slept the entire afternoon.
After waking up I made the stupid decision to go to the bookstore.. more sweats, fuzziness and the return of the headache. I'm back in bed now. Will not be moving until the sweating disappears.
Though life is chaotic... I now realize whatever seeds have been sown will grow as they should. The mistakes I have made and am making, the decisions that are perhaps questionable, the choices, the things I'm holding close to my heart...they are all what they are. I feel a strange sense of calm. And a strange sense of calm in the eye of the storm.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:19 PM | Comments (6)