« November 19, 2007 | Main | November 21, 2007 »
November 20, 2007
Communication
I've become too well known. I think people that I work with are reading my blog now. It's too easy to find. My archives are too long. My life way too exposed.
Then I think, what the hell ever. I'm the same way with everyone I meet. I don't do a good job of lying or of being something I'm not or of hiding the things I'm thinking or worried over. I really am just this way all the time. So, whatever... love me or leave me. It really doesn't matter. What's supposed to happen will and I can only be, forever, who I am in it.
Life would often be much easier if I just wasn't so transparent. I sometimes think, this art of being removed from oneself, is a wonderful step on the journey of self-discovery... but, then, I often wonder if it isn't about separation at all but a deep moving intimacy that allows you to stop and consider prior to exposing yourself.
At work today I had this communication that is just beyond me. Like all day, I've been pondering the interaction. Could I have done something differently? Said something differently? Had a different attitude? The truth is, the more I stare at it, the further away I get from feeling as if I could have changed or done anything better. And, yet, the whole thing was so icky that I've found myself reflecting on it all day. Sorta like at the wall and can't get over it I suppose. Where's the message?
I find that I often think there is a message in everything we do. We have something to gain, learn, teach.. something we do in the moment and if we can observe that, we learn something from it internally. I wish I could get this one...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:03 AM | Comments (9)