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July 13, 2007
I Will Not
I woke up this morning feeling like hell... ugh... life is so full of jokes... I wonder if God ever gets tired of laughing (in the laugh with you way)? An all day meeting didn't help... I came home and literally passed out.
When I woke up I drove to the store to run an errand I've been meaning to do all week and must do before I leave for Seattle and knew I would never do tomorrow. I felt like absolute crap.
I stopped at the health food store and bought some homeopathics that have worked in the past... during that time when the idea of taking Ibuprofen made me shake my head with that judgmental disgust (and now I think nothing of asking for double the dosage)... Within 15 minutes I felt better.
I stopped on the way home to say Goodbye to Tara :( Portland is getting the cream of the crop! Tiff and I had a glass of wine, we went and got some sushi (which I could not eat, I felt better but apparently not THAT better)... The nicest thing was that she and I shared some really personal feelings with each other... both had not told anyone else about these feelings and we promised to help each other work them out. Whatever work out comes to mean.
This caused me to remind myself that living emotionally alone is not an end goal and that relying on other people and asking other people for help and really letting other people help me with my fears and my difficult times is okay. In fact, it's probably good.
Today's Poetry:
Do not look with fear
on the changes and chances of this life;
rather look to them with full faith that as they arise,
God - whose you are - will deliver you out of them.
He has kept you hitherto.
Do not but hold fast to His dear hand,
and He will lead you safely through all things;
and when you cannot stand, He will bear you
in His arms.
Do not anticipate what will happen tomorrow.
The same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will take care of you tomorrow and every day.
Either He will shield you from suffering or
He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace, then, and put aside all anxious thoughts
and imaginations.
-- Saint Francis De Sales
[Edited to Add: I should probably start reading the On This Day before I post.... Today is the anniversary of my surgery.. I can barely stand the amazement at all the things that have occurred in my life since this day in 2005.]
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:08 AM | Comments (3)