« November 2006 | Main | January 2007 »
December 31, 2006
Happy New Year
We watched a killer movie last night -- Lucky Slevin. I highly recommend it. Went to bed on time, only one glass of wine last night, lots of water (for me)..... and up this morning, showered, walked the dog, waiting in the garage at 9:25 for The Husband to return. I was thinking while I was waiting about the "never" I always use when asked why I don't try the second series class on Sundays. The Husband basically gives me complete flexibility M-Sat to do whatever I want in the mornings: sleep in, yoga... he gets the kids up, gets them fed, dressed, groomed and to school. That's a pretty amazing guy.... so he asks only for Sunday mornings in return... I would be a silly selfish bitch if I decided to change up because I want to try or go to the second series class... so I never will. I'll never ask for that.
In a few years, The Son will be old enough to watch The Daughter for an hour or so and I'll have more freedom... but, for now, never is right now.
First series was good for me this morning... good... I had an amazingly wonderful practice today. It was sweaty and hot in the room which my vata body adores. Aside from some girl who kept staring at me, I just never noticed anyone in the room or anything going on and everything, the breath, the body, the stillness was just one. I made sure in every single standing pose that I forgot about the pose and concentrated on engaging the quads. In a couple I actually couldn't tell if my quad was even engaged and, in others, it made the pose a bit different for me from a balance perspective. I realized how much I lean into my flexibility... that's the easy way out. I cheated a bit in Mari D... The girl who kept staring at me was right behind me and, instead of doing the pose herself, she just kept staring and I had no choice but look in that general direction.. I looked down for awhile but then just got wierded out and backed off the pose instead. I thought of JMS in Navasana and since I cannot lift myself yet, I decided to listen to his suggestions and instead of just waiting out between Navasana, I never dropped my feet, instead doing Ardha Navasana :) between counts... as a result, my feet never touched the ground for the entire set which was actually pretty cool. I felt really strong today in Bhujapindasana and actually considered attempting my chin... it's been at least a year since I could do it (since my first surgery so more than a year I guess)... but when I attempted to lift up a bit, my right pec screamed at me and so I backed off that too.
Kiran gave me some forewarning that we were going to do 12 backbends today... she was right. We did a backbend for each month of the year on this beautiful New Year's Eve morning. Normally this might have drove me under but on my first backbend, I raised up and there was peace and grace and no pain in my lower back. I was the first one up even... I did through June and then I quickly tried to do easy math in my head but being upside down might have made my brain flake or perhaps it was the lala of backbending... but I stood up... and then realized I had to do the rest of the year as dropbacks.... and, you know what, dropbacks felt awesome. I have figured out that I really have to push into my quads, push, push, push and then right as I'm at the edge, my edge, I have to think of putting my head in my ass... looking that far back and I can land softly with grace... if I don't do that, I thud... So I dropped back and stood up for the remainder of our Backbend Through The Months experience... and then thought to myself that if I had done Kapotasana today, there was a good possibility I could have reached heels... I felt tremendously open and happy and pain free.
... and the bliss permeated every cell through Paschimottanasana... and finishing... and I was sorta grey for the Rumi reading in Savasana... and I wish I had another practice today... I'm all jazzed up.
Happy New Year Ashtangis. Be safe, be happy, be content.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 4:21 PM | Comments (4)
December 30, 2006
The Heart That Beats
I am finally better... it's been a tough cold/illness to fight through... it sucked. I haven't practiced in a week. So much for building those quad muscles ;) Actually I am going to create goals ala JMS.
First goal: Hang out in kapotasana for 5 breaths before touching hands down
Second goal: Engage quads in all standing poses consciously, focus on nothing else.
Hopefully practice can start back tomorrow.
We have a little girl with us for a week from Belgium so I haven't had much time at the computer... am behind administratively with Ashtangi.NET, email.... if you've emailed, I'm sorry.
-----------------------------------
On Thursday we were out to lunch with the little girl from Belgium. The traffic on the freeway was horrendous....
I was deeply saddened to hear yesterday that the traffic was due to the fatal accident involving a teacher and student in our local ashtanga community. My thoughts have not stopped coming back to the shortness of life and the skip of a heartbeat that can cause life to slip away.
My heart goes out to his family, his friends... to G, a beautiful soul who must be going through so much right now... The world has lost a shining light...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:05 PM | Comments (1)
December 26, 2006
Catch Up *sniff*
I have no idea when last I blogged. For almost five years I've blogged near daily.... right now it just isn't in the cards. I've had a couple interesting yoga practices lately. I went to the other studio one morning. It's a small studio but warm and friendly. I had never practiced with the teacher before but my first ashtanga teacher was a student of his. It's funny how you can tell where someone picked up a particular teaching style. I noticed immediately that some of the old adjustments I used to get during those early years were learned from this teacher. His backbending, kapotasana adjustments were much different than I'm used to. Support only through the upper back, gently guiding the shoulder blades down (I think).... it was interesting. Saturday I went to practice with JMS for an afternoon Mysore class... it turned into a one on one. I whined a lot... I'm a whiner :) My hand was hurting pretty bad and I got to talk about my fears a lot. JMS has a lot of wonderful knowledge to impart and is a fantastic teacher.... my quads burned for two days after. It is no surprise to me that I'm horrendously weak in the legs... always have been. As a national level competitive swimmer, it was easy to use my upper body instead of my lower body and, as a result, I've never really developed my legs much.... but what I found most interesting was a comment JMS made about my back being flexible. I hardly see my back as flexible but I realized later how I usually am practicing next to bendy wendys and so perhaps I need to chnage my opinion of what flexible is. The practice itself was mostly about learning and I ended up being so late home that I missed the Holiday of Lights we promised the kids. I'm a bad bad mommy.
We had a lovely holiday actually... my parents and the visiting family from Belgium they have over came for Christmas Eve and spent the night. The kids got along well, were very excited but The Husband got incredibly sick, feverish and barely able to stand.... he stayed in bed while I did the Santa thing.... Max was a little freaked with all the people.. barking a lot but doing okay.... The Son snuck out of his room, basically caught us being Santa.... but Christmas morning came and everyone got everything they wanted (the WII is pretty cool.... it takes some energy... I wonder if I can build quad muscles with it).... I started to feel the wiggly feeling of sickness... knowing I was going to get whatever had ailed The Husband... I made it through making dinner:
Brined turkey with Applejack gravy
Cide roasted root vegetables
apple sausage stuffing
brussel sprouts
and a fresh apple crumble
It was actually my least impressive dinner... nothing came out quite like it was supposed to but oh well... it's about the family time. Unfortunately, The Husband's family dappened our holiday a bit. We asked them to be at our home at 3...they showed up after 5pm. We don't know why. I found it rude to be so late but then to come in, dinner was waiting and then to want to chat... so the food ended up being somewhat cold and then things seemed strained. My SIL was funky, my BIL and SIL were busy with their 5 week old (totally understandable).... my family left soon after dinner to give us time with The Husband family but the kids were on their last legs... The Daughter literally fell asleep mid-sentence on the couch.... the dog was freaking out barking... he had just gotten used to all the people when more people showed up.... SIL made some negative comments about the dog... I ended up going upstairs because I was so offended that I thought I might say something. They left quickly with not much good to say. I talked to The Husband about it later, he was equally upset and offended.
During dinner, I was talking to my mom and the mom of the family from Belgium. We were talking about how The Son had caught us doing Santa and the Belgium mom said her daughter told her this morning that The Son doesn't believe. He's nearly 9 and I know the time is coming so I thought I had better talk to him.... I don't want him thinking we lied or whatever....
and that's when I completely screwed up my child and became The World's Worst Mother....
I went upstairs and asked The Son to talk to me. I asked him about his sneaking around and seeing the Santa presents and the stockings moved.... I asked him if he knew who Santa was and he said Grandma. I asked him if he wanted me to tell him if Santa was Grandma. He said yes. I said No. I asked him if he wanted to ask me who Santa was and he said yes.... so I told him....
He then spent a couple hours sobbing... telling me how he didn't want to know... that he wants to believe.
I feel horrid.
...... and I'm completely and totally sick....
Posted by ashtangagirl at 5:05 PM | Comments (2)
December 19, 2006
What Happened To My Dog?
I didn't practice yesterday because of the hand xrays.... today I had a sales call at 10am which meant no studio practice (I still simply CANNOT bring myself to do the led classes... ). I did Mysore at the local club. There are now 3 of us who regularly show up for the class. It's an interesting mix. Practice itself was so-so. I couldn't find a groove and I just felt tight throughout. The doctor yesterday told me take 600mg of Motrin every 4 hours but I forgot and so my hand was sorta hurting. My back hurt worse though. I've decided that I completely, totally, without shame or remorse, despise Kapotasana.
Kapotasana.
Dropping back and standing up are not pleasurable or exciting. It is work and fear and determination all rolled into one tight little ball.
Maybe if I just let the ball go....
--------------------------
I'm "on the bench" at work. I'm glad. I needed a couple days to decompress before I get the next "big thing" to work on. I tried to catch up on all my stuff today but it's a freaking jungle out there. Lines are miles long, people are a big nervy and it's COLD. SO COLD here in Southern California.
The poor dog... he's both woken up to his surroundings and is really barking a lot.... he's had a couple accidents... but I partly blame myself because I didn't take him out as much today....
it's so cold here!
(hahahahahah yes I can hear the laughter of you East Coaster's but, whatever, it's cold here!)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:57 PM | Comments (7)
December 18, 2006
It's a New Doggy Age
My blog is poorly neglected. There was a period of time when I blogged every day, where the discipline of forcing myself to take 5 minutes and stop and think about myself was something I would never skip by. It's not that I have any sorta of wonderfully new agey, yoga philosophy to impart, I would love to continue my 5 minute self-fascination everyday. I think every person needs and, in fact, enjoys it. It's just that I don't have 5 minutes very often anymore.
Today I had a secondary xray on my hand. The doctor called and said the first one, which I left before he had a chance to look at since I had a 9am meeting, was not clear and they couldn't be sure. So today I had to spend THREE HOURS at Urgent Care to get a new xray. The hand where I hit it is more red, more swollen and more painful today. In fact, I could swear, at points, my finger was going sorta numb. Thankfully they said it is NOT fractured. They think the film on the original was bad or something or the other, something was bad. They did, however, want to put my finger in a splint. I declined. Not only could I not work but I couldn't do yoga and I hate to say it but, it ain't broke, it'll heal. I just can't go through another imposed break from yoga right now. I would seriously enter mental breakdown.
As I was waiting for the xray I was thinking about my experience with the dog trainer on Saturday. I was really, well, upset by it. It's really been under my skin for the last two days. The trainer made me feel, well.... maybe not make me feel but I think she brought out my fears and I'm not sure that's a positive environment for me to be in. I think it's fair to say that a lot of people harbor certain fears when getting an animal. It's an animal afterall. Max is super sweet. He's doing great. He's basically housebroken, sleeps in this crate thing all night by my bed, he waits for us to get home without issue, he's only chewed one household item (a Star Wars figurine that The Son left laying out -- that was a good lesson!)... but Max is mouthy. I tell myself he's just a puppy, he's 8 months old, puppies do that... but I feel like all this new fangled dog ownership psychology stuff is so foreign to me that I have no idea and I'm like waiting for this dog to show some aggression or something. He's been barking more the last couple days, definitely venturing out more and he's still very mouthy. He's also a puppy. I don't know what puppy normal is anymore and I've felt more this way since the puppy class on Saturday. It's like the trainer didn't give me any tools except having this leader thing on his nose and pulling on it whenever he did something wrong... and, man, they pulled on it. I talked to my neighbor briefly about it and she demonstrated the training she received. It was very different... and she said they never yanked on the gentle leader thingy. I called their trainer today and she is going to come by on Wednesday. I am really hopeful that I have a different vibe from her because I honestly think the first trainer brought out all my fears instead of imparting good doggy knowledge.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:28 PM | Comments (1)
December 12, 2006
Christmas Cookies
Close your ears or, rather, shut your eyes.... I'm about to *gasp* talk about myself on my blog... and it will be un-yogic and horribly infantile of me to say it but, in reality, it happens to the best of the humans and so, it can happen to me.
I hate Dwi Pada. I don't hate Dwi Pada because of Dwi Pada but I hate Dwi Pada because Dwi Pada is my pride pose. Kapotasana Schmapotasana... it's Dwi Pada that frustrates me and makes no sense. I just don't get what I'm supposed to do for Dwi Pada. Or how to do it. I know, I know... I knnnoooowwww... practice and it will come. Yea I know. But, sometimes, you know, those truly self-deposing thoughts surface and go once around the drain before vanishing. I get to Dwi Pada and think, what am I supposed to do, once muscle, what joint, what action in the hip, why, when I get my feet clasped with help, do they immediately go up over my head? Why do people that seem to struggle more than me with other hip oriented postures seem to be able to do this fairly easily .... or, you know, for that matter getting out of bakasana. Afterall, I have truly taken the title of being the only practicing ashtangi on the planet that can't do it.
In other blogs this might be a slam and a jest of ashtangi blogs and the horribly self-serving nature of them but, here at this blog, I just look at these completely irrational and oftentimes quite silly thoughts and think "this is great...." and find some type of lesson. With this little vomit of grey matter I discovered that I often, in my head, refer to people at the studio by what they can or can't do or some other discerning quirk about their practice. This is probably not a good practice as it leads to some sort of inappropriate judgment
-----------
At actual practice today... things were good. It was really crowded and I ended up in a "different spot." It always amazes me how disconcerting this can be. It also reminds me that it isn't a good idea to get into such a rut. Change always pushes the boundaries.
Today in practice Tim teased with the guy next to me about having too many Christmas Cookies while he was jumping out of Eka Pada. It became one of those little funnys that passes around the immediate vicinity. About 15 minutes later I heard the guy report that the reason he couldn't do something I didn't catch was "Too many christmas cookies." I love the humor we have in our studio.
------------
I am debating getting my hand xrayed. While the bruise went away, the hand is still swollen. It is extremely sensitive to the touch and I am unable to perform a certain hand movement without pain (the hand movement is the one where you reach for your toe in Trikonasana. I can't do it on the left side where I hurt my hand, it is an immediate and searing pain). I suppose it is possible I broke some small bone but I know they can't do anything for that and they will likely say "No Yoga" but, frankly, I'm done not doing yoga... I'll just work around it for now.
-----------
Max is doing great... I am amazed at his intelligence. He's been here for a few days now and only had two accidents in the house. He has slept through the night in his crate next to our bed, gotten up and pottied outside. Yesterday I took him to his first vet visit. He got a vaccine (I had a REALLY hard time with this. I haven't done my research on doggie vaccines and so I just went with the recommendation). The vet said she would agree he's about 8 months old. She said he looks perfectly healthy in all respects and his heartworm and parasites, intenstinal worms test came back perfectly clean. After we got home he started acting a bit wierd, very lethargic and just off ... I was sad I hadn't done more research on the doggy vaccine. He has been fine all day thought. He even had his first playdate with the Maltese next door. They went to town playing and it really freaked me out. I realized I've been so worried about any aggression in Max since he's a rescue that I'm being really, well, lame about it. The dog's owner told me "oh that's just the way they play" but it really tripped me out. I need to start reading some doggy books :)
Max even responds to his name... he comes when I call him for the most part and tonight I gave him a treat chew thing and I asked him to come to me while he was macking on it and he did. I was really surprised. He looked at it a couple times, looked at me, looked at it and then came to me. He clearly made a huge choice! :)
Tomorrow I am taking him to the groomer. I can't practice because of a client meeting so I figured it was a good day to drop him off there.
----------
I had my big demo yesterday. I rocked it. I was a bit nervous because I spent more of the weekend doing dog stuff than I should have. The "other side" brought in like 7 people. I rocked that demo because, apparently, I made a smart decision. In my mind, I can't think of how there was another option but... I presented a demonstration that was solution based. It demonstrated exactly what the stakeholder experience would be after the solution was implemented. I focused little on technologies, what ran what, what configuration or administrative issues were involved, how much coding, what types of hardware/software/developers you needed or how many past successful implementations I've done, seen or heard of, how many years I've been in the business or what my middle name is. Before the meeting while the competition was talking business, business, business, I talked to the project manager about my new dog and her two miniature schnauzers. I vascillated between confidence and figuring I was about to get my ass handed to me by the Army Of Seven. Their demo was confusing, the stakeholders had to ask how they would do their job, said they didn't get what they were supposed to be taking away from the demonstration. I actually felt sorta bad that I felt so successful.
I have to admit, it was a bit of a high. My boss even asked me if I was feeling it.
Now I get to learn yet another new skill. But first, I had to catch up with life.... and boy did I. At one point in my day it was literally a chaos that sent me reeling for an hour.
The housecleaner was here....
She had to leave to get her daughter for some reason...
I forgot I had a conference call which came in....
At the same time the housecleaner came back with the infant to finish....
The baby was crying
Max was barking at the baby crying
I was trying to get Max to calm down
The vaccum was going
The conference call came in
I'm listening, praying they don't ask me a question, hoping I was catching it all
The nanny came in with the kids
I handed the dog to her, ran back to the office
the vaccum is going again
the baby is crying
the kids are yelling
I can't hear a thing
I run to the garage, just as the new nanny interviewee came walking up the drive
I motioned in her in
to chaos
The next door neighbor came by as I'm stanidng in my garage taking the confernece call... I motioned him away frantically.
---------------------
I think we'll give the new nanny a try... change... change always brings lessons... change is good. That's what I'm telling myself anyway!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:58 PM | Comments (3)
December 9, 2006
Meet Max
This is Max. We went and met Max last night at the rescue mom's house. Max was shy and immediately took to me but was overwhelmed with everyone else. We made an appointment to visit another dog, Jordy, today and then we were going to see which dog we liked. Max is about 8 months old, Jordy 1.5 years. The rescue mom wasn't sure she could give up Max, she said she had fallen in love with him. He's a bit of a mutt although the vet says he is a pure Bichon Frise. Someone cut off his tail, he has an underbite and one eye has less fur around it. I think he's adorable.... His ears flop around and often end up upside down....
This morning the rescue mom called me and told me that she had been awake half the night and decided we were the perfect family for Max.... that she could never give him the warmth and joy of kids and a neighborhood and so she wanted us to have him. The Husband was a bit nervous but I felt, in my heart, Max and all his appearance "detractions" was perfect for us.
Max is my dog. Max follows me around everywhere. If I'm out of his eyesight, he's nervous. The kids aren't liking that factor a lot but I've explained that Max needs to feel comfortable and, as of now, I'm the only person in the house with dog experience and Max likely senses that.
So, Max, the Bichon, not perfect... but so far only one little piddle that I should have caught... and he has done pretty good on a leash amazingly... puppy training in order though...
and tomorrow.... no yoga... The Husband isn't ready to be left alone with Max yet. 45 and his first dog.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:19 PM | Comments (8)
December 8, 2006
Time Crunch
So I have this demo on Monday. It's really the first "sales presentation" type thing I've done. It's going to be interesting because instead of some easy type of small project presentation, it's actually for a large company and a very large project. Half of me wonders what the heck I'm doing and the other half is working my tail off to do a good job. The thing is, having never done this before as a consultant, I'm not really sure just what I'm supposed to be doing. It's much easier when you've got a set of project requirements in front of you and just you have to make the computer do what some architect designed. It's much harder to be the architect and know YOU are the one who also has to write the code behind it! ;)
I've been working pretty hard and wondering if this decision was really a horrible one. I was thinking that something of this nature would be done with a team but it hasn't been like that and, honestly, it probably can't. The nature of what I do is such that we can't even find qualified candidates.
Last night The Son had a breakdown of sorts and basically told me that he feels I spend more time with his sister than him and that he wants to be my best friend not her. :( This broke my heart. On a related note, I ran into someone who said "I used to read your blog all the time when you wrote about parenting but now I barely understand the words you are using... atana and asana this and that." These two incidents are related in the Universe Sending Big Huge Message way. We have committed to each other to have Mommy/Son date night once a week. Sometimes that might mean going to the health food store, sometimes a special dinner, whatever.... just something. The thing is, The Son often hates to do regular things in life such as shopping at the HFS. The Daughter loves all that stuff. I have, in the past, even asked The Son to go first but when he says no let The Daughter come. I struggle with this because were I to ask him to go to some "kid place" he'd jump but if it is regular life and just being with me, he'll pass. As a parent, I can't afford or believe that every outing we take together should be "special." I talked to him about that and he said he agreed and we would try to do equal things menial and special.
I noted today that I have my heater on a lot more. It's cold out there. I liked it for the first couple of days but now I'm over it... I want summer back. It's the Vata in me.
I went to practice at the club today. I had a lovely practice. This despite the fact that my hand is messed up! Yesterday I couldn't even open my hand all the way!!! I had a meeting and the client actually noticed that it was black & blue.. that's how bad it was. This morning it was somewhat better and it actually didn't hurt me much at practice except at very specific times. I don't even have any grotesque, whining backbending drama to report..
After practice the rescue organization called. They have an 8 month old male that they feel is a good family fit. They said he is a bit shy but super playful and very mellow. I'm a bit nervous because its a crappy week for me to get a dog. We are going to meet him after school tomorrow so we'll see how it goes. In the meantime, The Husband got a new car after 15 years today. He's so giddy it's cute... he should be, he works hard and he deserves a new car, whatever car floats his boat. He doesn't feel worthy of spoiling himself such. I keep telling him I spoil myself all the time and he should feel justified in buying himself a car for the first time in 15 years. He got a white BMW and he loves it. I'm really glad. I am glad not only that he loves it but that he has the internal insight to push himself enough past his comfort zone to get it. It's always a good thing to push the boundaries.
Tomorrow we even get to have date night in the new car. We are pushing our marriage boundaries too and are going out to dinner with another couple. It might not sound like a big deal but we are basically two completely socially inept individuals.
A dog... tomorrow?
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:33 AM | Comments (4)
December 5, 2006
Cab or Spicy Shiraz?
I thought today I wouldn't be blogging about practice but, as it turns out, what started as a wonderfully peaceful and mindless practice turned into something I've been reminded of every minute since.
Everything was non-eventful until Kapotasana. I wasn't sure if I should do it, I was pretty sure that I couldn't (mentally) drop back into it. I hemmed and hawed, sat and looked around until finally my teacher walks up and asks if I plan on it. I told him I was scared to do it and he said "but you did it last week." Nope, no I haven't done it since my surgery. So he had me go into it from Supta Virasana... and, you know, it wasn't bad. When he started to pull my hands up I whined.... but he got my hands halfway up my feet and it wasn't horrid... I could feel some pull through the left side but it wasn't horrible. I heard him comment about whiners to someone in the room... I tried it again on my own and though I was able to drop back, I could only get my toes.... and then I whined about Supta Vajrasana ... there was no way I could hold my feet today so we didn't even try. When I apologized for whining, he said "Sometimes the whine has to breathe for awhile."
This was actually really pertinent to someone like me. I've always been this way and the comment really brought it home for me. I've always needed to whine when I'm scared to do something or freaking out over an issue... I whine and via the whining I find some place where the line is crossed and I can move forward. So, like a fine wine, sometimes, I just gotta breathe.
Backbends weren't horrible... So I stood up... and I tried to drop back and I couldn't find it... and then I told myself "Julie, what the heck, if you can get halfway up your feet in Kapotasana, for sure you can drop back!!!" So I did... and I was so surprised and, frankly, elated when it was easy and SOFT that I tried to get up too quick (to do it again) and I lost it...
So the choice was, fall on the head, or put a hand down... I put a hand down.... Immediate pain... I burst a blood vessel or something but, at 4pm, the entire left side of my hand is literally black & blue, the base of my index finger was purple for awhile but now it has turned a nice deep bruise color, I can barely move my index finger and typing is REALLY hard (unfortunately, I've had to do it all day). I can't flatten my hand or put any pressure on it whatsoever.... The Nanny thinks I need a doctor.
Yoga - the danger sport.
------
In less I worthy news, the dog inspection for our adoption was today and was basically just a formality.... now we wait for the "perfect" dog to come along. I was very specific about having heard adoption horror stores and that we really want a dog that is non-aggressive. She said they have a few male dogs in homes right now so we'll see what happens.
--------
Work is crazy since I have a big huge demo due on Monday. The good news is, aside from the actual documentation I have to write (which come on you CIO types, you know you don't read it anyway ;>), the demo is coming along nicely. I've accomplished things that I thought would be really hard in a nice fashion.
CIODude, I owe you a lengthy email... am trying not to turn it on right now.
DJM -- what no baby???
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:19 PM | Comments (9)
December 3, 2006
The Tale of Three Parties & A Dress
At 3:30 I still had no idea what to wear to The Holiday Party. I don't know why I was so worried about it, just not 100% comfortable in anything. I was a mess. In the end, I wore a black cotton skirt and this gold silk shirt I got a couple Holiday Parties ago. I tried on the shirt I bought but The Husband didn't like it. I figured I was gonna be with him all night and should, at the least like how I look. I ended up going over to my neighbor at 4:30 (we had to leave at 5) and asking for an opinion. She said all the things one might want to hear about the shirt I bought... "Oh bows are SO trendy right now. They are in all the magazines." "Oh the pattern! Patterns are so in!" "You look so cute." and all that... as I walked back home I realized I would feel even more uncomfortable wearing it. I was never good at being trendy. So I wore the plain gold silk one that I worried had too low a plunge neckline.
The lesson in the ball of angst and confusion what to wear caused me for no quality reason became aparent at the party.... you see the whole party was outside. It was so cold... I was talking with a lady and I noted she had this big fleece "wrap" on. I made the comment that she was brilliant because I was freezing. Turns out, they were giving out blankets with the company name and logo on them... it was that cold. In the end, no one saw what I wore because I spent the rest of the night with a big fleece "wrap" on myself (as did most of the other females at the party). The food was excellent, I had fun though I have some recollection of doing a shot with someone that I don't know at the bar. We had arranged to "limo pool" with a two other couples. During the arrangements everyone agreed to leave between 10 and 11. The Husband and I were very happy with this since we had two parties to go to today. We got home at 2am after we finally said we had to go home and were very sorry that the others had to leave early with us.
This morning sucked.
The instant karma of a few drinks, a very late night and little sleep was apparent instantly. The Daughter had a birthday party this morning and, of course, I've been too all consumed with life to get the birthday present. We hit Starbucks, the toy store and actually managed to show up to the party right on time. I had intended to be the "bad mom" (come on, you know you mothers, you know you all note the one mom who drops her kid off instead of staying to hang out... as they get older this judgment opportunity for the desperate housewives - of which I am one - goes away and the act is expected) and simply drop The Daughter off, go home and sleep but I wound up meeting this woman who was pretty amazing. Some sort of scientist or something, has a child with liver disease and completely undos her career, becomes a homeopath and treats her child's disease without drugs. We talked about food and video games and children growing and all that jazz.
Meeting someone like that makes me realize how much I've sold my soul to have a career. I have given up a lot of my ideals for the luxury of time. "I just don't have time to ______ [insert appropriate task here]." It's an uncomfortable realization to have.
After Party #1 we went to Party #2. The Best Friend and the other best friend and a bunch of "family" were there ("family" means it was The Best Friend's family but I consider them like another family). I realized how much I miss the playgroup type of interaction now that my kids are older... funny how your day can just come full circle like that can't it? I guess I should have relished the opportunity to stay and chat with other families at a birthday party.
No wonder we have no family friends.
Tomorrow I have a Teddy Bear tea with The Daughter and her best little friends at a fancy hotel here in town. The Daughter is super excited.
DJM: Please note Flickr pictures to the right... I got the belly!!!!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:13 AM | Comments (1)