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November 16, 2006
What's Within
I went to practice this morning. I have another busy day. Yoga for kids at 10, meetings on client site all afternoon. I couldn't make Mysore or Kiran's Mysore at noon so I went to the local club to one of my first ashtanga teachers. I just needed to get on the mat from a physical perspective. If I didn't, I'd wind up more sore... I needed to keep up with my body... but it wasn't easy. Sun Salutations were really hard for me today and my side (side of breast) was really hurting. The teacher told me I was binding incorrectly... I still have no idea what he was telling me to do, something about binding low around the base of the toe and that I was pulling on my toe... at this point, I am just not even concentrating on minute details (not sure I ever thought about it that hard either but...). He also made mention for me "not to bend my elbows" in Prasarita C. The funny thing is, I don't bend my elbows and most people that have instructed me know that my elbows are bent, the bone is bent... Tim has a name for this and he's actually demonstrated it in two teacher trainings I've been in. He's had me extend my arm alongside his and he gives it a name. I've heard this "don't bend your elbows" before and usually people don't believe that I'm not doing it on purpose. You can see it quite well actually in this picture:
Those aren't bent, that's just how my arm is.
I love when people tell me "just work out your lower body" or "asana is just one limb on the path of yoga." Yea. First, until you've gone through a mobility limiting operation such as the one I have undergone, you have no idea how every little movement has an impact on your upper body. Bandhas only go so far and, to some extent, we use the muscles in our trunk to maintain stability. Even doing the stair master, impact on the trunk of the body, it's how you stand up straight. It's sorta like the person who can grab their ankles on their first try at a backbend, they'll never understand what it feels like to arch up and groan in pain...
And sure, I could NOT do asana... but, let's face it, I haven't been doing asana for 4 months and, well, the body needs some physical exercise... I have yet to find something, aside from asana, I will consistently do. Selfish? The paragraph above explains why I don't think it will matter what I choose to do as a physical activity. The body is a whole, the impact of my surgery is on the whole and, as a whole, I have to overcome it... in time (or not).
Interestingly enough, backbending felt okay today... in fact, on the last one, I rocked and brought my hands off the floor. I was too scared to try and stand up but I probably could have had I done a few more backbends.
Yoga, asana, practice is not an effortless, mindless, exercise of the internal state for me. Today, tomorrow and probably for a few months, yoga is a physical experience where I feel every single last bump in the road, where I have to wonder if I'm doing damage to myself, where I have to wonder what the feeling is indicative of (pain, edge, general stretch). It's okay that that's what yoga is for me today... it won't be forever...
I guess I am on a soapbox... I'll stand down now.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:17 PM | Comments (3)