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October 30, 2006
Fairness
I've been a bad bad blogger... I just, frankly, haven't had time..but I DO have a post brewing (well it's been brewing for a few days)... topics to cover:
-- my evening out with the CIO and Network Director from my old firm;
-- Vegas, baby
-- yoga for kids (aka Monkey Moves)
-- sex and the desperate housewife
-- my new title (well add-on title I guess)
-- yoga... it's coming soon
but can you believe it.... tomorrow, supposedly my first day of yoga....
Today my moon shows... fate? fair? f* it?
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:46 PM | Comments (1)
October 25, 2006
Home Stretch?
I've been really working on working during the day. No jacking around, no doing this and that... just sitting down and working. The problem is that when you are working with beta code, you have the likelihood of dealing with someone else's issue...yes even when you are dealing with software from the largest software company in the world. Today I dealt with someone's type... what should have been ctype became cypet and led me to an hour of head banging, cursing before I figured out it wasn't me... it was literally a typo in THEIR code. After a couple of those, I gave up to move to something I knew how to do.
We had The Daughter's parent-teacher conference today. Of course, it took 5 minutes. The Daughter is the "easy child" -- she's socially and academically interested.
I tried downward dog today. It wasn't AS bad as I thought it would be. It certainly didn't feel good. I can't do chatarunga (remember last time around it took me almost 9 months to do chatarunga again) but oh well... I am thinking of starting on Tuesday. This way I can go to Kiran's class and just do what I can do and not worry or drive far if I have to leave in 5 minutes. Plus The Husband thinks Kiran is the right person to start with, afterall, she's a Survivor.
I realized tonight that half a bottle of wine is officially nothing these days. Ouch.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:07 PM | Comments (3)
October 24, 2006
Life of the The Yogi
I'm already making plans for the things I need to start doing again: going to bed early, drinking less wine, eating a bit more evenly through the day, drinking some water. It's a scary proposition to recognize all the little habits of discipline you've effectively hammered to oblivion.
I am also trying to figure out what really slow is. Does that encompass simply stretching or stamina? I mean... Realistically I can hold back on the amount of stretch in 50 poses.... or I can hold back on both stretch and stamina by doing fewer poses... waiting for each derivative stage to "feel right." What does feeling right mean anyway? I'd like to just feel my way through it but I also know that I have rose colored glasses and I'm likely to really go where it feels perfect rather than maybe what slow is. It could this is the change to hammer that habit too, the over analysis one... but what if I screw it up? ;) It's become one of those issues that I just feel I'm not ready to face. I have lots of them. I think everyone must.
I had another good day at work. Ample time to actually develop. No interruptions. Lots of focus and determination and, yes, lots of freakin' beta code issues. But there was no stress. No shortened timeline to figure out how I'm going to stuff my workload into. I may flail at the end of this but, at the very least, I am completely in control of my flailing. There's things I'm still trying to figure out... especially with the billable hours and accountability stuff. For the most part though, I'm feeling okay about this.
I had more to blog... but, I'm gonna go read. My teacher gave me a new book to read and I always love when someone recommends a book to me. It's like someone else's treasure.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:24 PM | Comments (1)
October 23, 2006
Is This Forever?
Life is busy! Today I felt like I was finding some semblance of normalcy. I worked hard. I wrote a lot of code. I had dinner with my family, had a parent teacher conference, had a wonderful conversation with The Son about it and I watched a TV show with the husband. At some point I just thought "You know I am probably a good programmer and the average programmer doesn't write this much code in a day. It's okay."
The Son's parent teacher conference was really hard. He's not one of those kids who gets the "You're son is so perfect and smart and social and respectful and whatever." We get reports that "He's so so so sweeeeettt..." and "he's really smart"... "it's just he doesn't apply himself." And, you know what, he doesn't. He'll spend three hours making comic books of Lego guys doing who knows what but he'll race through a school project because it bores him. It's not that he can't do it, he can. He just has no internal motivation. I can't really decide if there is a thing I can do about it. It's just sorta who he is. It'd be real easy to blame myself and wonder what I've done as a parent to cause it or, in the very least, enable it but, to be honest, it just seems like it is something innate. He is motivated, just not the stuff in school. We find ourselves in a constant battle of motivation vs. reward for best effort. I think we are losing.
In yoga class for the kids I had them do their IF Question homework (did I mention this? I read them the book IF and then asked them to make up their own question and draw it)...some of them are great. One said, with the most beautiful accompanying picture, "What if I could bathe in a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles!" As we were leaving school one of the moms stopped me and said that her child had come to her in the morning with one. He said "Mom, if you were mine, my heart would look like a rainbow!" She started crying telling me. Isn't that the sweetest. It is so inspiring to inspire little minds to think outside the box and to gear up their imaginations.
I emailed my doctor tonight and asked what I should be more careful of going back... stretching through the sides or engaging the pecs. His answer really scared me. He said that he doesn't know, that both could move the implant laterally and he just "hopes I don't tear anything." Me too. I emailed him back and asked whether this is a function of time. I mean, I've waited this long, if I have to wait longer, well, my ass just gets bigger. I'm a little scared to get his response and, on the other hand, have to release attachment as much as I can.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:03 PM | Comments (9)
October 21, 2006
Diversity Reality Asana
Yesterday was a yearly mandatory company meeting. It was at Dave & Busters and the beer was served from 2pm on. I found it interesting that the presentations by the management of the company all included references to their children, their wives... but the really celebrated moments revolved, to some degree, over people who worked 70 or 80 hour weeks for the "cause of the company." Which is great, whoohoo team... but I got to thinking about the fact that in order to bill that much time a week, well, you are doing little else including sleeping. Which, is fine... were it a simple crunch time or a spectacular week but when you are talking about statistics for quarters, that sounds a bit scary.
It was, however, a fun time and enlightening. It seems most of the people, including management, that I work for are really solid people. I'm still feeling out how I like this whole thing but the people seem cool. An issue was brought to my attention that really threw me for a loop. It was evidence of the cold reality of the business world. To be fair, it isn't an issue now except in my mind.
One of the cool things about being outside of legal is the diversity. Working in the software business, there's quite a bit of national diversity. In legal, let's face it, predominently white upper class men. There is little diversity in women. There are 15 women in the company now. 3 of us are tech (I went and asked the VP this question after out of pure curiosity). Par for the course. Anyway, I sat across from an Indian gentlemen. At some point, the subject of "after the meeting" came up and he said he would be leaving early because he had a gambling meeting. Well, of course, you can't pass up asking what that means. Turns out it was in celebration of Divali. He said that they gamble, pray to Lakshmi on Divali. Since I associated the holiday with the return of Rama and Sita after Hanuman helped to destroy the evil demon Ravana, I was interested where this came from. As we began to talk about it, he asked me how "a white American" would know so much about the story of the Ramayana and Hinduism. I showed him my tattoo which we talked over for awhile.
I was also disappointed to find out that the Yardhouse no longer carries John Courage. :( Speaking of, I realized that I drank far too much yesterday. I didn't eat and I did drink and I think I was too buzzed for a work function. It woke me up to the fact that I've been having too much fun letting the rules slip lately. We are all so different. We all have those boundaries within ourselves that do become the black & white line. The part we want to challenge and we do but, yet, we acknowledge, to some degree, we still have the line. I made the comment last night that it was my last night to really do it up. In 9 days, I can do yoga again. It won't be a two hour practice but it's the "checking in" to my practice again. It's the start of the journey, from this beginning point in time and it needs to start soon. Today my teacher asked my husband if he has noticed any difference in me since I'm not practicing. My husband's response was "Well, let's say I'll be glad when she goes back." :) Me too.
So, me exhausted from a hang over and an 8 year old who got up at 4am to play a video game, we went to an afternoon birthday party. It was like 80 here today (80 is hot for coastal San Diego). It was a total beach day but we had fun at the party. My midwife with The Daughter's birth was there and she told us the most disappointing story about the state of midwifery in California. It used to be that this was one of my soap box items. That I felt so strongly about making a difference so that women after me would, in the very least, still have the option of choosing homebirth. That opportunity is dwindling and it sucks. It's dwindling due to lawsuits. Where did we lose the idea of personal responsibiity? To be clear, it isn't the homebirthing families doing the suing. It's the people suing hospitals and the beureaucy that goes along with that. Malpractice insurance and state licensing boards and requirements, etc. Midwifery is sucked into the churn of the clog and can't meet the strict requirements. The thing is, while I respect licensing and believe in it, I disagree with the idea that they can say "yes here is your license to be a midwife" and now let us tell you all the loop holes such as "You must have a doctor supervising you." Well, no doctor who supervises a midwife, is going to be able to attain medical malpractice insurance (at any affordable or risk worth rate) so most lay midwives are practicing outside of the law. The thing is, the majority (and let me be clear that not all, I recognize this) of homebirthing families understand the risk and accept it as their personal responsibility. The fact that they are choosing to remove themselves from the hospitalized version of birth (and I'm not inferring it is bad, just not right for everyone and vice versa with homebirthing) should be enough. It sucks that it is becoming harder and harder to have the choice. The story she told us today was so horrendously appalling. One of those that the only thing to say is "Wow, people can be such assholes."
When I had more time in life, I spent a lot more time really being politically active about the issues I feel are important. I often feel that I've sold out because I simply don't have the time anymore. I recognize after looking at it for a bit, much like my conversation with JMS on the EZBoard, that this is a period in my life... like all the other beginnings, it will have an end and the next journey will start. This particular one, involves a lot of "what I can't do." It's a choice that I make consciously. The word can't is one purposefully chosen to maintain internal and personal boundaries. Sometimes I don't really mean it but I use it anyway. It's my way of challenging what I know about myself.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:38 PM | Comments (3)
October 17, 2006
Pain
Work has been slightly unreal. I think I'm not too good at this billable stuff. Let's face it, to bill eight hours in one day, you have to be working *at least* 10 because there's no doubt that one has to take a phone call, check the email, go pee or ingest food at some point between 9 and 5. I feel more like a machine and that sorta sucks. It's not that I don't want to work hard because I think I do but... well, I guess I'm still working out the ropes.
I haven't felt like I did a good job this past week actually. The task I was given to do for a very visible project was one I hadn't touched before (remember, I deal in beta code...everything is new) so I had to teach it to myself before finding out that it couldn't meet the project's goals... so then I had to teach myself another tool I'd never used before. When you're learning and doing, you're only slightly ahead of the curve because most of your creative juices swirl around just learning how to make it say "Hello World." I thought my outcome came out dull and lifeless an really simplistic. Like any high school AP C# geek boy (come on, I can say that, I was one too) could have done it.
Tomorrow is my first face in front of a client. Believe it or not, a pharma company. If you haven't been reading my blog for years you won't know that I used to, back in my very "I'm a raw foodist, non-vaccinating, no-Western Medicine, no sugar, no plastic toys, no hospital births (what as the rest of that list that existed back then..you know the one to get into the secret club? Now we'll see if any of you AMUers still read ;>)" .... anyway, in those days, I did a lot of pharamceutical company ranting. Now I'm really excited to get in front of one. I know how to solve their business problem. I'm really good at it (even if I think I take to long to do it... no one else thinks that... just me... sorta like thinking I'm a big heavy clod in Mysore).
I heard today, though, some interesting news about my job. In particular my title. It might make a big difference in some of my completely in ability to grasp the billable contractor role. :)
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I got an email from The Best Doctor In The World. He told me for sure I can start back in two more weeks. His caveat in italicized was "very very slowly."
Here's my problem... I often cannot grasp the "Take It Slowly" role either. I have tentatively told myself that I will only do half of first for at least a week. Then maybe all of first... then we'll see how I feel about Pasasana. I think Pasasana is going to be really hard this time around. In fact, I feel worse "stretch" and strength wise than I did after the original surgery. Lifting my hands straight above my head is still a noticeable, oh... there's that. God, will I even have the discipline to get up in the morning.
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In the adventures of It's A Small World. Today I got an email from "Meesh" at MySpace. I usually delete those notifications unless I clearly know the person and I didn't know this person but I know some Michelle's so I thought I'd look. The email is from this girl that I worked with at The Law Firm and that was the stakeholder in the project I had been working on for the past months there. Turns out she knows Cameron of all things! Nope, she doesn't do yoga. Nope, she lives in L.A., he in S.F. We didn't know each other outside of work so I knew nothing about her past... how bizarre is that!? She went to visit his MySpace, saw my picture and emailed me. Is anyone thinking about the dancing little guys on the ride? The line is always too long so I haven't been on it in years.
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I have officially bitten all of my nails off. They are actually painful. I have no idea why I do this. I have stopped for long periods of time, had long nails...but when worse comes to shove, it's my nails that go first. It's embarrassing actually but I think I've tried it all.
Well, maybe not hypnosis.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:08 PM | Comments (8)
October 14, 2006
The Great Whore
Last night I actually stayed up not til midnight, til 1 or 2 but til 2:45 a.m. I can't even think of the last time I stayed up past midnight and was not so drunk out of my mind that I couldn't have possibly seen the numbers on a clock anyway. The sad thing is I was actually just doing mindless "professional information tech" crap .. building base images for development work. I got so sucked into installating software it just sorta ended up almost 3am before I was done.
I had purpose though. I promised myself today I would hang out with my kids and do stuff. I did get up a bit late... 9am ... but we went to Michaels and got glue and paint brushes and glitter to make glitter pumpkins... Target to get essentiallys like hair bands and fake cobwebs. We then went to the table store and bought a new apron for The Daugher (cute isn't it?), cool Halloween cupcake decorations ... then we went to Jimbos (the health food store) where it was a free for all. They were celebrating their 14th anniversary and it was a party. The Kids loved it, they even had a table for painting pumpkins and it was all free.
We came home and I made a huge pot of stew for my brother and sister in law who are due with their first child and have asked me to doula the birth. What an honor! We also made cupcakes from Organic mix and the kids delivered them to families in the neighborhood. I'm so Martha.
As I was driving home today I got to thinking about being a doula and babies and what not and that's when it hit me. I'm a Great Aunt. Wierd isn't it. I think many of us judge our morality by being one of the young ones. It starts to become slightly disconcerting when you realize you are starting to become one of the older ones.
In addition to being a Great anything... I have finally accepted the nature of being a Shirt Whore. Kathy first called me that when we sat out on the sidewalk, outside Ashtanga Yoga New York and talked to Spiros of Sri Ganesh Tea Stall (cool shirt, the latest one was... remember I'm the Shirt Whore). I realized I've been a shirt whore for YEARS. Before The Son was even born I had a shirt collection of every castle in England or Wales I visited. I still have them... and a shirt from all the ashtanga studios I've visited or Guruji workshops I've taken... I'm a Shirt Whore and I honor it ;)
P.S. I wanted to mention about the pictures from my last post... that was the studio at 9am when it was not The Man teaching. The studio is much busier and more crowded during early Mysore. I can see how taking pictures in that evironment would be really hard. K -- pictures for you.. let's do some! I am convinced we all need http://www.savethetatas.com/ shirts
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:50 PM | Comments (22)
October 11, 2006
The Gift
I went to yoga today. I didn't practice but I got to go. I went to take some pictures of a friend. I took a few others in the wings. I almost didn't post them. Something about them makes me feel like I shouldn't invade anyone's privacy. Everyone knew I was taking them but, to me, yoga is so private. At the same time, I love the yoga pictures I have of me. Yoga is beautiful to look at. I've looked through all of the ashtanga pictures at Flickr. So I posted them. I don't know the email address of some of the people in them but, if they are you and you don't want them up, just let me know.
It was wierd to go to yoga. I saw a bunch of people who didn't know why I hadn't been there. The one, very sweet girl, told me she has been thinking of me because the last time she saw me was right when that Thing On My Head had burst and she worried it was something serious. I got a lovely energetic hug from Jake today. It was also a bit disconcerting. Not sure quite yet how... just was.
I spent the rest of the day in what I like to call Programmer Hell. It's that edge of working on beta code when you discover they "left something out" and you cannot, for the life of you, figure out how "they" can release a product that doesn't have whatever that functionality is. It was long and tortuous and not altogether heartening.
So, after yoga, I sat at my computer and The Husband called to tell me that a plane had flown into a building in Manhattan. When I turned on the news, they didn't know anything other than it was at a specific location that I knew in the city. I am still really hoping it wasn't the building of a fellow ashtangi.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:47 PM | Comments (8)
October 10, 2006
Commute In Style
My entire face is peeling off. Yes peeling off. That's how sunburnt I got. In fact, you can really see it in this picture here. I slathered on the Burt's Bee's Marshmellow creme moisturizer this morning in an effort to not look like a complete freak at my meetings today. I hope it worked. I did hear from everyone I ran into "Man, you ARE tan!"
I started off my day working on a workflow demo for my first client.... and around mid-day, met up with the VP of our company at Montgomery Field Airport... where I put myself into this helicopter and took an unforgettable ride to our office in Irvine. Last night while chatting he told me he was flying down... The Husband was up in Irvine for meetings all day and so we could either find a way to carpool or both drive. That seemed stupid and when I asked our VP what time he was flying back, it worked out perfectly for my schedule. I hitched a ride. Most of you know by now that I hate to fly. I'm freaked out and completely nervous about it... so I surprised myself by wanting to do this but I figured, in many ways, it was the opportunity of a lifetime. How many of us get the chance to fly in a helicopter up the coast of Southern California?
I did get a bit punchy nervous but I vowed not to let them see me sweat... and then honestly, it was one of the funnest things I've ever done. The flew over my house, the kid's school... we flew straight up the coast... I really, truly enjoyed it.
I'm busy as heck at the new company but I suppose this is a good thing.
I contacted The Best Doctor In The World yesterday... he's so amazing... he told me I shouldn't have had to pay for this past surgery and he wants me to send him the bills I had to pay. He also told me November 1st can be my start back to yoga. I have to promise to go slowly. I doubt there's any other way. I am not planning on second for at least 2 months.
Tomorrow morning I am taking pictures at the studio... I hope I can still get up that early ;)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:49 PM | Comments (6)
October 9, 2006
I Got One Left!
The flight to Los Cabos was short and brilliant... we left at 9, we were literally at the pool at 1:30. I was unimpressed with The Westin Regina at first... downright disappointed. There was construction going on, the rooms weren't fancy (and I like fancy) and our first room had ants... but, once things got going, things worked out really well and the hotel has one huge saving grace... the beach in front of it.
I spent my time in Mexico laying on the beach, going into the beautifully warm and salty water and having some beers at the swim up bar. Usually my time in Mexico is spent in a similar fashion except that I don't drink during the day and I spend about 3 hours doing yoga in the afternoons. Since I didn't get to practice, we'd mosey to the swim up bar around 1ish, order a beer, sit in the pool and shrivel up while we drank it... order some lunch beach side, sleep, swim...
I had lobster tails one night, grilled fresh prawns the next... traditional Mexcian fajitas the last night... we had some wine with dinners... Our first night there we had just the most amazingly lovely romantic evening... wine in the lounge chairs on the beach, clear night, stars in the sky, near full moon... we connected in every way... we talked and laughed... we were both mellow and calm... we were intimate and passionate...
The vacation rocked. The hotel, with the swimming in front (a lot of hotels in Los Cabos, corridor, don't have swimming beaches in front... this beach probably wasn't swimable for most people..in fact, there were signs posted saying No Swimming but we ignored it and went for it anyway. You really had to know the ocean to be able to do it. We saw a number of people get taken out or stuck, literally. The lifeguard guy never bothered us... you could sorta tell the people who watch the big waves and tentatively try it and those of us who timed the waves and knew how to deal with them)... anyway, that made all the difference in the world.
Every year I take yoga pictures... this year I was so bummed... but I knew I could pull off half a bakasana because it's mostly balance... I thought this photo turned out pretty cool.
Tomorrow, weather permitting, the VP of my company is letting me hitch a ride on the helicopter to my 2pm meeting :) I can't wait to take pictures of that.
Oh and dear CIODude ... first... you are TOO Sweeet... yet another IN PERSON, REAL LIFE piece of U.S. MAIL... your wife and family are so lucky to have such a thoughtful man in their lives... and second... I'm getting the new Q... another new toy... the dual core, the Q and a helicopter ride... living the life I am..of the Techno Geek Girl anyway.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:33 PM | Comments (4)
October 3, 2006
New Digs
I got up super early on Monday morning. Not because I really needed to but the pain in my hip has kept me awake for 3 nights now. Throbbing, aching, horrid pain. I've tossed and turned and otherwise imagined some sort of rescue from the ailment but, let's face it, its the whole no yoga thing. I've been practicing for almost 5 years now. My body is in a state of unrest, my joints suffering. It's okay, it'll all come back but, in the meantime, it does suck and much like the age old Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference
I recognize that this is just part of the price and the package of cutting my breasts off in an effort to avoid the dreaded cancer. Believe me, I'll take this anyday over that but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with. I sorta view it as my chemotherapy. Please don't get me wrong, I in no way imagine that this is remotely anything like chemotherapy; however, my family and friends who have gone through it, I've taken the calls and the emails and the letters and the hand holding while they whined and moaned and otherwise lamented, sometimes daily, what it's like to go through "this shit" and I get it. So I embrace myself and my whining and moaning and my traction to get through "this shit" in the way that best enables me to. It's my therapy... not good, definitely not good, but the price of being cancer free and staying cancer free. It is sometimes easy for people, not in my shoes, to say that my doctor(s) don't know what they are talking about, don't understand yoga, that I should stop saying I can't, that I should just try a little stretching, that I should do this or that... it's so easy for those people. Someone else's shoes are always easier to pick out than walking a mile in your own.
So after I got up, I drove to Starbucks, ordered a double mocha and waited for my new boss to pick me up. He's the kind of guy that drives without his hands on the wheel, roaring down I-5 North at 80mph. The control freak in me was slightly, okay massively, freaking out the whole way. As the morning got going I realized how much better I felt than I've felt all week. Having just ended my ladies holiday I attributed this change in my mental state to a fluctuating hormonal level and embraced it. I spent the morning "on boarding": being issued a new, dual core laptop with a pretty 17" screen, going through my new time keeping (OH GOD TIME KEEPING) requirements, client expectations, roles, support and an array of things that made me think "uh, shit what am I doing, I know nothing" and other things that made me think "uh, I'm really in the right place." I left in basically a 50/50 place of comfort and pure cold fear.
It was interesting to get up this morning and realize that I'm front and center, 100% responsible for a client engagement which I'm walking into through someone else's door. I padded downstairs in my Yoga Tribe & Culture sweatshirt and PINK jammie boxers to make some coffee... was absent-mindedly looking at the label on my coffee, the same coffee I drink every morning... when I noted a single small print line "Decaf process ...blah blah blah" -- DECAF... no FREAKIN' wonder I've felt like CRAP for a week! I'm drinking DECAF.
Lightbulb moment.. Starbucks made me feel better because I finally had CAFFEINE and, let's face it, I'm addicted to caffeine by now.
DECAF.
I fumbled through my pantry, desperately searching for some caffeinated coffee... finally found a sample package of "Zen Blend" and the breath escaped in a huge sigh of relief.
Tomorrow is the official start of my Mexico Vacation. While I'm truly sad that I can't do yoga this year, my first year unable to practice, I'll spend some time reading, reading and sleeping. Oh wait, drinking too ;)
It was with great admiration that I received the following ping from my new boss at 7pm:
New Boss: You are working too much - go and pack and have fun on your vacation!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)
October 1, 2006
For the Cookies...
Guns: We've given on some weapons. The Son has a few light sabers, wooden sword... but, for some reason, I haven't gotten over the gun toy. I'm sure if I looked at it hard enough, I could find the moderation but, for now, I just don't want to go there. It's a slope I still see as too slippery.
Isn't that the funny thing about people. Sometimes we know something but we just choose not to look at it or address it or even let it into our consciousness. It's a choice. Most of the time we make these choices when we know that our current situation, in whatever regard, is most certainly temporary. We often know internally when it's a choice we can afford to make or the time when we have to really stop and examine the here and now.
The only person I know who understands this concept in the same fashion I do is The Best Friend.
As to the question: "What are you reading?"
I recently finished the Ramayana by Ramesh Menon. It was absolutely wonderful. I truly enjoyed the story of Rama and Sita and Lakshamana and our very own Hanuman. I knew the story but reading it with a more recent prose twisted it into something really reachable. I highly recommend it.
I also just finished Snow Flower and The Secret Fan. It's a story of two Chinese woman who were "old sames" and had their feet bound. I did some research on foot binding after I was done with the book. It was a fast read but definitely spell binding.
I'm still reading Ominvore's Dilemma. I've started The Wisdom of Yoga but, frankly, am just trying to wallow in my own self-pity and so am staying far away from anything that resembles yoga, sounds like yoga or looks like yoga. It's how I'm making it through the days. The one thing I love about The Husband is that he truly gets that in me... he's been with me in my life long enough to know that I simply have to make it through and that's how I deal.. and it's perfectly okay.
Strangely enough, though we've had all these problems and we've both discussed the what-ifs of not ending life together, our sex life has never been better. Wonderful and wierd at the same time.
Sitting next to me, fresh for the reading, is the book The Best Friend gave me for my birthday. Dante's Inferno, the 21st Centruy. Adapted by a well known painter. It's really different with pictures of, for example, an over heated planet, mass cars and wires and a Carls Jr. sign.
This weekend I went shopping, read, took the kids to ice cream, stayed in bed til 9, made fresh Morrocan Lentil stew for dinner and homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Regular life. It's been awhile.
Tomorrow I start The New Job. I am praying that expectations are realistic, that life is existent... and that I'm as smart as I think I am. I don't feel panic.. actually, this wierd sense of being driven in a direction from outside myself.
Thursday, by noon, I'll be sitting on the tip of Baja California with absolutely nothing to do. I can't wait.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:12 PM | Comments (0)