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June 12, 2006
Profund
Isn't it funny how we ashtangis (and perhaps this includes all yogis but I am only experienced with ashtanga) are always acutely aware of just what is hurting here and there?
My first steps on the mat this morning were crazily scary. I noticed yesterday that my right bicep was really really sore... sore to the touch actually. I can't remember doing anything to it (until just moment as I type... right bicep... hundreds of cartwheels... ah... ). My hamstrings were screaming... like where I couldn't get head to shins through all my sun sals... it's been a long time since I was that tight. Every upward dog was an exercise in will... I will make it to the next vinyasa. I will. I got a wierd adjustment today in Prasarita C... a pose where I rarely get adjusted since I can easily put my fists on the ground. It was wierd because I felt really wierd after it. Not off center, but not centered. I think it was I had no idea what I was being led to. Actually, now that I reflect on my practice and the goings on around it, the more I realize that my entire practice was a space cadet effort of will. I told The Australian during a really nice Mari D adjustment that I couldn't enjoy that I just felt all sore and tired. I debated, pretty seriously, only doing first series. I thought the adjustment in Bhekasana might kill me. I was hemming and hawing over Kapotasana when my teacher and I have this conversation:
Kapotasana?
Kapotasana.
Fear?
What?
Fear?
*grunt* and plop to my hands...
head is moved back, think I might die
hips are moved, hands are moved... I know I might die
hands moved more.. involuntarily exhale of what little air existed in my lungs
*grunt*
panic
Then I did 3 backbends... and each one was the worst I can ever remember them feeling physically. Like a child I decided that I was going to only do 3. I tried to time it, like a child, that my teacher might not notice. As I leaned over into a forward bend after the 3 agonizing exercises in self-ego management I heard "What you're done?" Caught. "My back is sore." "Your back is sore?" "Yes" "Then you didn't do enough." This was said with the authoritative tone and energy that my teacher only pulls out sometimes. One of the things I love about where I practice is the sense of humor and joy but occasionally something is said to you in a way that means "This is what you will do" and you do because you are the student. So I did 3 more.... and then I stood up... so I dropped back...stood up... To which I was met with "Feel better?"
I did feel better.
I love the subtleness of this practice and how, just the shortest of sentences from the teacher can give you a profound internal understanding. It's not some literal understanding but a feeling. More backbends. More backbends. More backbends.
I looked over the Ganesh for my tattoo tonight. I'm pretty close... I just wonder if I should wait til after summer.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:55 PM