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November 25, 2005
VOSSI
I got my moon yesterday... man, what a damn crappy moon. NOW I know what yoga does for me... I'm chaotic, hormonal and utterly a complete bitch. I kid you not. My husband must be a man of such integrity for he surely has put up with my scowling face, backhanded nicks for a fight and absolute inability to find pleasure in anything. We had to go to the in laws for Thanksgiving which turned out to be really great. The Los Angeles Brother In Law/Italian Wine collector, made tapas (yes, very unconventional but what the hell) as an excuse to do a wine tasting... 3 Whites (actually one Spanish, one Italian and one French) with seared tuna and olive tappenade crostini (handmade tappenade)... then 3 Rose' (don't go thinking what I thought, a finely chilled light red can be simply amazing... he's really turned us on to that idea) with Chickpea and Spinach empannadas (all handmade). Let's just say that by dinner, none of us cared that we were switching to a $7.99 bottle of Big House Red (gotta love Bonnie Doon but let's face it, Big House Red isn't a comparison when you've been drinking super expensive, highly complex (did that sound official?) wines all afternoon). So, it was no large surprise that I woke up with a hangover the size of Manhattan, a feeling I hadn't had in quite a long time and would have been happy to do without. Motrin, Vitamin Water, finally a double mocha later I had it in me to take a nap and my husband had endured the finest day of Julie Bitchdom in a long time.
I grumbled through making soup for dinner, instructed everyone they probably shouldn't talk to me and then tried miserably to feel some comfort in a downward dog which, quite clearly, didn't work. That's when it is time to take a bath. I couldn't decide on music so I decided to put on the shuffle we made for the party the other night and let random happen. It's funny... we spent so much time on the shuffle for the party, it was quite eclectic actually. We both went through and decided which songs in the aresenal were "good enough" for a party shuffle. My bath started with Love Conquers All (ABC) -- way way too happy... then some wierd stuff came on that was clearly The Husband's music, stuff I listen to and just don't get at all... and then I got bored and flicked through the list myself... I stopped when I came to Aimee Man/Save Me. I had been cruising through the list so fast, making mental calcluations and quick judments as to which songs I would even entertain... and that one caused me to pause so I played it.
You know when you've got a song that just evokes your mood? That was how I felt... and it 'caused me to discover a couple things. I'm actually worried about other mothers judging me to be a horrible mother for going back into an office. There aren't many of them around here and, let's be honest, we all know the judgment at school drop-off exists. It sucks, but it does. I get myself bogged down in worrying over this decision to go back into an office and I'm just clueless. On the other hand, I really like using my brain. I'm actually quite smart and often wonder why this takes people by surprise... like, for whatever reason, they assume I'm incapable of being really smart... it's always quite fun to say "I'm a software developer." I don't even know if I'd have called myself that up until recently... when it dawned on me that even though I work from home and I develop applications for law firms which isn't exactly the most glamorous of jobs, I'm still architecting, designing and coding software applications. I also realized that I know a few people in my life who will automatically judge or think or whatever PC way to say form a quick opinion the fact that I'm going back to the business world at all... I'm a sell out... financially motivated and ready for a Culture Jammers sticker on my forehead. Maybe I am. I hope though that I'm different than I was the last time that I put on adult clothes every morning and headed for an office... I'm hoping that I have more calm, more center, more knowledge of the self and what's important. That's a mighty loft hope, isn't it!
My new favorite treat is VOSSI sparkling water. You know, it's the glass bottle Norway water you get at hotels like The W (those uber hip swanky hotels that I absolutely love!).
You look like a perfect fit
For a girl in need of a tourniquet
But can you save me
Come on and save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
'Cause I can tell
You know what it's like
The long farewell of the hunger strike
You struck me dumb like radium
Like Peter Pan or Superman
C'mon and save me
Why don't you save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
Except the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
Except the freaks who could never love anyone
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:47 PM | Comments (4)