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July 2, 2005
What A Guy
Last night's flower reading was very fun... Strangely enough, the flower reader picked my flower for a reading first. As he started off my reading he talked about my spiritual journey and how I've had some ups and downs over the past 12 months but how everything is coming together. It's funny because I've felt so content with my journey as of recently and I think that's part of my mourning for the big changes coming... I don't want anything to change. What turned out to be remarkable (for and I think for everyone in the room who had never had a flower reading before and who all knew my situation) was that he began to tune into the energy of my grandmother, he specifically brought up cancer and that she wanted me to know that I am making the right choice "in the things coming up" soon. He then talked about traveling... mentioning Hawaii (which is wierd because JUST the other day The Husband and I discussed taking a trip to Hawaii sometime in the coming year) but it was when he said that sooner I would be taking a trip "back east" that I think everyone looked at me with their mouths open. When he brought this up I looked over at Kiran because it was just so clear that it was freaky. In the last two readings I've had with this man he has brought up my grandfather's energy... talking about how my grandfather is around me a lot and mentioning, back then, some very specific things happening in my world. This time he brought up my grandfather again and mentioned that I had recently looked at a picture and laughed. Wierd because after I got out of the shower yesterday I looked at this picture that my mother put together after the last flower reading of my grandfather and I laughed (of the memory of my grandfather being around). He also mentioned a song in conjunction with my grandmother and there totally is a song. Anyway, when your's is the first flower, it is sometimes hard to remember everything he says... but another thing he brought that he's brought up every other reading I've had is my "natural healing abilities" and that I haven't tapped into them. He also said that the spirit world is really reaching out to me in my dreams...which is freaky because I've been having these totally vivid and dramatic dreams for the past two weeks which I attributed to stress.
I really enjoyed the flower reading... it was especially interesting to hear the readings of friends and acquaintenances. I didn't get to ask a lot of people about how accurate their readings were but I know that, for instance, with one girl he pinpointed a male's name in her life. A very nice evening all in all.
When I got up this morning I felt really drained... tired... beat up... it is stress. I'm starting to get really anxious in my core. I'm not sure what the anxiety is about. I think it might be less about losing my breasts and more about the fact that I'm having surgery and will be in a hospital. I don't relish the idea even if it wasn't to cut off my breasts. I'm nervous I guess. I also feel like things are snowballing out of control. I haven't even figured out the rest of my accommodations since I'm staying longer and alone... I have to go shopping to find some button down shirts, a lanyard (apparently to hold the drains -- I have no idea what this means really but that's what everyone is telling me to do). I need a good book or two to bring. On the other hand, I don't really want to do any of this. I think I need a kick in the ass to start working on my preparations. Fear. Abhaya.
The Husband got up this morning, went to Starbucks and brought me home my caffeine fix. It's the first time he's ever done something of that nature before... I can't figure out if he's feeling sorry for me or is just trying to go the extra step since our relationship has been strained as of late. Regardless, it was a special treat that I took a bit note of.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:08 AM | Comments (2)