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June 17, 2005
Ooof
Last night I didn't even eat dinner... and it was Thursday which means that dinner was made for me ala Andrew-By-Way-Of-Australia (traditional Southern Indian food yummy)... I just didn't feel like eating. I was so depressed and strung out I just didn't want to nourish myself. Around 9pm I realized I was completely dehyrdated and downed a VitaminWater (you know, I'm addicted to those things too now but I realize they are nothing more than sugar...) so this morning I wasn't surprised to wake up and groan... my body wasn't feeling particularly supple. At least I didn't fight with myself about going to yoga.
On the mat today was okay... nothing special but fairly relaxed and healthy. I stayed a long time in Marichyasana B again today... OKRGR told me that if we stay a long time in our favorite pose, we have to stay just as long in our least favorite pose. I figured given how much I hate, okay, relish the idea of backbending and that we have to do 6 of those plus dropbacks, well, I could stay in Marichyasana B forever if I wanted ;) I debated between doing just first series today... Friday and all... but most of us who practice first series daily still do our second series poses on Fridays (because Sunday is led primary). Today The Husband was meeting me at 8:30 outside the studio to go to the Prana sale so I was trying to hurry. In the end, I really like the second series poses so I decided to do them anyway. After Shalabhasana A & B, I got a bit lost... it felt like I was missing something so I leaned over and asked OKRGR if Virasana was next (not in the series)... I felt like an idiot but I was totally mentally just out there. I still feel like I'm just horribly struggling to get Bhekasana... but maybe it's self-perception because OKRGR watched my Bhekasana today and mumbled "that was good" when I was done. I guess to me it feels like I'm not getting my chest off the ground at all without help... with help it feels very nice. I've also noticed, however, that that is one of the poses that pretty much everyone gets an adjustment in so maybe it's just that I'm used to seeing it with the adjustment. I was so mentally out of it that after Bhekasana I jumped through to seated instead of preparing for Dhanurasana, shook it off wondering where my brain went (oh, yea, it went out the window after the insurance phone call the other day) and finished my practice with Ustrasana. When I finished the first rendetition, Kiran mouthed to me to move my knees and feet in closer together... I had separated them a bit after bending back... so I moved them together and did it again. I feel like my shoulders are up by my ears in this pose, like I'm not pushing them down or something... so I asked OKRGR how to not do this.... did the pose again and asked him if they were all scrunched up... he said they weren't but, man, do they feel scrunched. Again, maybe it's just self-perception...it's funny how sometimes the feeling is entirely different than what is actually happening... kinda like those downward dogs where I'm getting the adjustment that makes me feel like I'm off-center but that Tim and Rich assure me is centered. I did a quick finishing sequence because it was now after 8:30, met The Husband outside, did a quick change in the car and went to the Prana sale. It was okay, same stuff as last time but I did find a couple pairs of shorts that I liked.
After Prana The Husband took me to brunch... I sat through the entire thing just completely out of it. I'm so emotionally kaput that I can't even fit into society right now. Kiran told me that a local news station is interested in airing the story if I'll go on camera... The Husband wants me to fight (and he's also, surprisingly, mentioned mortgaging our house to just pay for it ourselves but how scary is that to consider!). I think the first thing that needs to happen is to just get out of the slump I'm in and find the sky again... what it will take to get there I'm not sure yet... but, heck, it's Friday night, maybe a bottle of wine or two will help (no practice tomorrow!).
Today is The Son's last day of school.... I don't know whether I'm happy or sad. I arranged the entire summer around the idea of this surgery so it's going to be very hard now to make Mysore every morning. The Daughter starts school at 8:30 and the son at 9am. Practice is from 7-9 or 9-11, doesn't look too promising does it? When I made those arrangements it was under the assumption I would not be able to practice for 6 weeks. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I do know that right now I need my practice more than ever so I'm putting it out to the universe to find a way to make it work... anyway to make it work... because I can't imagine losing my practice for a couple months on top of everything else.
As I'm typing I just got a phone call... apparently The Son got out of school early today... but I didn't know that... so I didn't go get him... what a freakin' horrible parent I am... so wrapped up in my own shit I forgot to check the schedule and now my son is getting dropped off by a neighbor on the last day of school. I suck. :( Poor kid. I'll have to come up with a good bribe to make up for this one ;)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:30 PM | Comments (3)