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March 22, 2005
First Day With Guruji
I couldn't decide what time to leave this morning. I normally leave at 6:35 in order to get to the shala for the 7am classes and I'm usually 10-5 minutes early.... so I left this morning at 6:22... I should have left at 6 :) There was already no parking and half the room was all full up (Teletubbie talk there for you non-parental-units). On the advice of friends I took a spot on the side furthest from the door and air conditioners. I was surprised, maybe pleasantly, at how many people I actually knew in the room. Why this was surprising to me I don't know but it sorta made me feel like part of the ashtanga community here in Encinitas... I may not be totally close friends with all those people but I know their names (as the tune from Cheers quietly plays in my brain). For those long-time blog readers (do I still have any of those people around from way back when?), you know that finding a community has always been important to me and just as distant. Community by proxy!
I heard people after practice saying that Guruji did more sun salutations today -- I wasn't counting and normally I struggle through sun salutations if we do too many but I thought it was just the right amount. As much as I try, I struggle with trying to discuss physical aspects of my practice unless there is something glaring for me... yoga is much more of an esoteric, spiritual type thing for me so even if I'm jello on the mat, sometimes I have these amazing moments. I dug the atmosphere in the room... just knowing that so many people were there for all the same reasons I was and that there was an excitement and a buzz about it. It must have been hotter in there today than the last couple because I actually got a tiny sweat going (though the heavy shirt didn't come off until seated poses). Chatarungas -- UGH... those are held for a lot longer with Guruji than regularly -- a trial for someone like me. Although I was able to hold them through the majority of the practice, I was so worried about my shoulders that I really fidgeted with them. The only adjustments I received today was one from Tim in Paschimottanasana... I wasn't concentrating on my legs enough and my feet weren't at attention.. just a touch in the ball of my foot to get me to say "Oh yea duh." For some reason, I couldn't get bound by myself in supta kurmasana -- that hasn't been an issue for me lately but I think I was just sorta freaked about getting into kurmasana from the vinyasa that I didn't get my legs up far enough. After that, Saraswati was helping the guy next to me get into Garbha Pindasana -- she saw that I could get in and nodded... but then she started to roll him right as I was rolling plus the girl next to me was rolling which, of course, sent me flopping. Then I wasn't sure if I should get up or wait for her to finish since she was right in front of me... in the end, I waited for her to finish and then she turned around and rolled me around... oh the agony on my spine... When she rolled me up the last time for kukutasana I had the same problem I have frequently when someone helps me... I can't get up and stay up with help. I can get up and stay up just fine on my own and it feels great and I can keep my knees at my elbows but when someone helps me roll up, I just can't get my center centered and I struggle. I actually love this pose so it has been a big incentive to roll on my own. During the next few poses, Sharath was right by me and he as telling all us "no no, just head" as people were doing supta padagustasana the way we probably all cheat and do it :) In Setu Bandhasana today I was all the way back on my forehead (upper whatever you call that) and it felt AWESOME. My legs weren't far enough out and I felt like I could have gone a lot straighter if I had set up better but generally I don't get that far back on my forehead -- something to play with. Only 3 backbends -- I think I was happy about that! I actually managed to get my new anniversary band off my finger last night and so I actually held headstand for the full 10 breaths which is VERY difficult for me... I did, however, fall out of it trying to do ardha :( practice, practice, practice. For utpluthih, I was doing good for the first 5 breaths, then so-so for the next couple breaths then Guruji glimmered and said "9... 9... 9.... ooohhh 9 ...." By then we were all laughing and he yells CHATWARI! And then we were at the shortest savasana I've ever had... right after we laid down I kept hearing Guruji say "Thank You" and I wondered what was going on... eventually I heard enough shuffling that I realized people were getting up... the friend behind me said "WOW, that wasn't savasana!"
I stood in line at the end... unsure of what to do (well I knew what to do) and unsure if I felt intimate enough with Guruji to bless myself at his feet. Almost an unworthy feeling but not quite -- more of an "this is so special and I want to feel part of this" -- I guess I realized, in some respects, maybe many respects, I still feel like an outsider to this practice... maybe that is part of being new to the practice, or maybe its the incessant questioning that I do to myself... in the end, I decided it was probably more likely some of both and I went ahead to the front of the line. Tomorrow I hope to bring a camera... it would be great to have a picture for my office.
Leaving I bought my tshirt which I'm proudly wearing today -- just to feel connected through the day (although I just looked out the window and suddenly the sun has gone). I've fanagled my way into practicing tomorrow too (though I either have to be one of the first up from savasana or bring a camera another day as we have an appt with the Tax Man at 10:30) and maybe even Friday... and I've arranged to have my nanny come every morning next week so I don't have to worry about making it next week either.
Now, off to help my first grader do an oral report (his first!) on The Australian Box Jellyfish -- the deadliest jellyfish there is and responsible for more deaths down in OZ than sharks, snakes and... crocodiles!!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 6:32 AM