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November 20, 2004
Slip Into Something a Little More Comfortable...
(for those of you country fans out there... I know it is SHOCKING that I would know the catch tag of a country song and actually use it!)
Practice today was nice... 5As, 5Bs and then, my friends, Surya Namaskara C. Mostly, I dislike C. Today it wasn't as bad as in the past. I really concentrated on why I hate this so much. I hate it for multiple reasons ... it really takes me out of my center. I'm heading towards the wrong wall (read "WRONG"), it's backwards, I'm used to it the other way. When I had this moment in class I thought WOW... I'm so attached to the traditional way that I'm so closed off to anything else. I really tried to be open to it and I actually had some fun. Heck, I even held twisting bakasana for like a count of 3 (but I still don't understand how one does this pose without falling prey to the pain of the elbow in the hip... this is why I call Uncle when I do). So, a good practice. Fun but less meditational than I generally like. I have found myself consistently dreaming of Mysore... .scheming how I could do it 5-6 times a week (keyword "dreaming"). I think I have solidly sold 2x a week and I should take what I can get now ;)
This train of thought reappeared tonight in my bath. I love hot baths... hot hot hot so hot baths. It's horrible I know but I love them. I was listening to Krishna Das (the iPod rocks if not for the sole reason that it goes EVERYWHERE, ANYTHING at your fingertips.. rock on ipodsavant), God Is Real. That song just moves me in my soul like no other song has done before. Everytime I listen to it I feel so connected to ALL the peoples in the world. I feel this profound distinction of oneness with everyone... like I finally GET it. I think, if any conservative hardcore Christian listened to that song, they'd feel exactly what I feel and that's what blows me away. All my life I've been searching to GET it... somewhere in these archives is a basic history up til I started studying Buddhism... but even Buddhism left me wondering, left me not feeling 100% at home... but the expression of God, with God, to God through yoga... I feel at home. I feel like I GET it. I feel like finally I understand what Cathars felt... or name any other religion in the world.. just that we all have this path, this path to God and its really just all the same... we all just use different language. The thing that is hard to discern for me is what I'm practicing... and I think my breakthrough tonight was that I'm not practicing anything... I'm just being with God in the way that it feels perfect to me. Just like skipping church on Sundays doesn't mean we are any less close to God, neither does feeling like a Yogini but only getting to practice 4x a week. Everyday practice would be nice, but its not likely to happen when I've chosen to entrust myself with two little souls who still can't care for themselves in this sometimes-difficult world. For so long what's been holding me back from really identifying myself with this practice is that I wasn't following the "rule" of a daily practice... and I've finally realized that its okay... it's where I'm at RIGHT NOW that matters... that my practice is so much more alive now through yoga that yoga happens whether I'm on a mat or in a bath or just watching my little kids ride a PONY for the first time in their lives (which was so amazing today... really ... think about the first time you rode a PONY... or petted a frog... or something really cool in its own right). So I think I'm done searching for a name... I mean, I have no idea what I'd categorize my family as in the little bubble (which by the way KILLED the San Diego mayoral race) on a population poll.. but really, it doesn't matter. We're all getting there, in our fashion...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:21 PM | Comments (4)
Wife = Lady or Woman
About 6 or 7 months ago I bought of set of Sanskrit textbooks. I haven't had as much time as I'd like to devote to actually learning Sanskrit but I flip through them all the time and I know that after Nanny #3 starts that I will, hopefully, get some brain cells back and be able to concentrate a bit better. The textbooks have been valuable in attempting to figure out the meanings of words for me as I've noticed translations can be very different from one text to another.
Below you will see the beautiful drawing Neti did for me. If you had seen what I had sent him to start with ;) (bearing in mind, I can't draw a round circle to save my life), he did absolutely 100% what I wanted with this. The top of the lotus says Atma, bottom Yogini, right Matr and the left is supposed to say Stri but I haven't been able to figure out how to write it from the combinations in my textbooks. The Indian mom yesterday did write it out for me but I still can't figure out the combinations she used to get there (and since I can barely make straight lines, my atempt on the computer wasn't very grand)! My Sanskrit textbooks actually have two other words for wife: patni and bharya but I understand, I think, that these are actually Hindi words, not Sanskrit.
I love this artwork... I am still debating using color in it... I think I want to use that beautiful red/orangey color on the dots maybe and somehow incorporate it inside the piece. I'm so unartistic that I need some help in that arena ;)
One of the things I'd really like to start doing is taking some philosophy classes. A local studio is doing a Yoga Sutra workshop next weekend that I'd really like to take but I think I'm otherwise occupied one of the days. I need to find some more resources for things like that.
Off to practice...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:24 AM | Comments (8)