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August 28, 2004
Western Mind
So I decided to take a bath tonight and threw on Deva Primal... I was thinking about how lovely the chants are when I had the notion that Westerners are really who took some of these chants and put them to music in such fashion... almost poppy fashion... I like it, is resonates but I equally enjoy tapes of Tibetan Monks chanting where the only sounds is the movement of the voice. It was when I was thinking this thought that I realized I haven't been posting in a few days even when I had time from my conference (more on that later) because I felt some pressure in what I write. See, remember I mentioned the new statistics counter... it truly not only tells one when a archive is found on some cruddy search word like n u d e y o g a or even better are some of the ones referencing moms and other things one could think of when it comes to mothering being made perversly s e x u a l but these stat counters also told me that my blog was listed in the "Best of Spiritual Blogs" over on beliefnet --- WOW. I had no idea that my blog was a best of anything :) but it got me thinking... I had a brief glimpse of pressure but then realized there is none... this blog has always been just my space. In fact, this blog has, for years, been a memoir of just who I am spiritually and so, yea, I guess that makes it a spiritual blog by and by (perhaps not a best of... but mine anyway). So what does the spiritual blog of a complete novice conscious person look like -- it's a walk from a time when I was fairly convinced that I was supposed to play by some "rules." I think those rules came from my parents though I'm not entirely sure if it was them, the institutionalized education, the media or what. But I digress. Those rules included wanting to be Christian. I say wanting because I always knew I didn't really get it. When I had my son I got baptized with him in an effort to "get it." I didn't. Shortly thereafter I really became a novice on the path of conscious living. I was going to say conscious parenting (that's the name of my favorite parenting book) but, truly, the evolution is one of life. I don't think everyone follows this evolution in the same way so know this is not an opinion or commentary but a personal view of how my life has evolved (which comments goes back to said conference...but I promise that later). then click more....
I started to truly face inward and shed the rules and the should bes and haves and wants and just do what I do for me and try to live with intellect, knowledge, freedom from delusion, patience, truth, self-restraint, tranquility, pleasure, pain, ... fear and fearlessness. That first became what allowed me to become a parent. I didn't want to raise another child who just did because ... because they weren't being real for themselves. I have no idea of anything I've done will help or anything I've done hasn't been done for selfish reasons. Reading newer into the archives the journey transforms with yoga... some people have said they miss the more facing inward posts... I don't think I'm not writing them... they just come out a bit more differently with the practice of yoga. I will, however, remember that some of those posts, not just the ones about the physical practice, are also a part of yoga for me.
In my bath tonight I realized something about the path of yoga... I love water yoga (yes, I think they really have water yoga classes but I'm not sure)... thinking about yoga and playing with ones body in water is awesome. It allows you to truly feel that edge.. the one where you know you're eons away from being able to focus and steady your mind enough to, oh, throw your legs through your arms to jump back... but you get a glimmer of the path when you can readily do this in waist high water. It's like those fleeting moments of parenthood... the ones where your child is just screaming, you're sweating, you have no idea what's wrong, you are fearful and angry and hopeless and heartbroken. When you find the calm in that moment, that's the yoga of parenthood... just a different distraction.
My blog used to be a link on the chain of the alternative parenting blogs. I notice it still on some of those blogs but less and less comments from those people over the years and new familiar commenters from my travels in the yoga world. It's the transformation of the years from one place in my life to another place in my life... it's a very cool thing.
So, before I close down because, heck, I'll just be honest and say, I've got something better waiting for me. I promised the conference... conference was great (aside from the trip to the ER for child process one and the 104 fever for child process number two). I did my presentation and, strangely enough, I didn't even say it in much of the same way as I had rehearsed it. I had a lot of people come up to me after and say that it was wonderful, that they liked the conversational nature of the presentation, that I clearly knew my stuff. Remember the blurb about my personal opinion and commentary? I read the review cards, they were all very positive and many of the people who took the time to write personal comments were so thoughtful. I apparently, however, inadvertently offended someone. In describing a problem associated with the current architecture of my solution, I was discussing a new tool I've been testing from a very large you know in the world software company and how it would solve the problem. I said that said company must be a bunch of democrats because "help is on the way." The reviewer indicated that I should keep my political commentaries and opinions to myself.... goes to show you the power of the media that I'd even say that. I also had a lot of people interested in what I do, lots of "hey come work for us" comments flying around...surprisingly a lot.... which might come in handy since The Husband is now officially on notice that his job is axed. Who knows what the future transformations will be.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:50 PM | Comments (2)