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July 30, 2004
Sidelined
Allow me to throw the whole spiritual, yogic, pathness aside for just one moment and say:
DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ministry is coming with Thrill Kill Kult! The last time I saw Ministry was the best show ever (well, okay, except for Bauhaus and nothing will beat seeing them twice and, okay, maybe Dead Can Dance was better too) and, those of you readers who were there (and surprisingly I actually know that a couple of you were there), know why.... can we do it again (well, we can't 'cause Schager won't be here :<)... we could come close... we could couldn't we? I know it's 10 years later but... it IS Ministry and all.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:15 PM | Comments (6)
July 28, 2004
Turmoil
It's that period again... but this time it's a bit different. I feel sick, run-down, beat up. Well, that's because I am most certainly fighting off a virus - my head hurts, I'm congested, I can't stop coughing... no mat time. At the same time a storm has been brewing within. I'm not happy with myself. I'm not feeling comfortable in my skin. I was reading the Gita last night, I think Chapter 17 (but I was tired and I could be wrong on the chapter), about nourishing ourselves and how those with a clear mind choose purer foods, etc. Strangely enough, it has been the exact opposite for me. I suppose I could be taking the passage a bit too literal, it's all personal interpretation. When I was most confused and living in the pit of sleeplessness and giving up my soul to my daughter, I ate very pure. I never touched an over-the-counter drug, etc. Vegan or raw... homeopathics and herbs. Today I find that I actually have Simply Cough in the cabinet (though Kiran I could not find any Benadryl for myself ;>), my kids and I are eating meat, I even have real ice cream in the freezer. I'm not feeling good about it. I feel heavy and unhealthy. The simple answer would be that I should go back to my regular diet.... the difficult part is that when I stop and meditate on it, the heaviness is in my heart, not in my body (well I'm sure there is some heaviness there too). My body actually feels stronger and healthier and if I look to the Western medicine model, my blood tests all show a positive change since I changed my diet to one or more moderation. I've decreased my thyroid hormone for the first time in 10 years... I can't argue with that. At what point does the part of me that feels wrong about it outweigh the physical part that feels right? As I sit here drinking caffeine (something I would never have done 6 months ago), I wonder if all this conflict I'm feeling is the heart conflict bubbling its way to the surface. I feel like I'm not me anymore.... or maybe I'm just finding a new me. I've decided that, like my experiment with meat-eating, I need to do an experiment of returning to veganism. I'm not quite sure when I will start but probably as soon as I'm feeling able to stand in the kitchen and cook. I will be interested to note how and if my practice is different at all.
Speaking of practice, obviously, unable to stop hacking for more than 5 minutes has left me unable... I hate when yogis come into the studio and give me their germs and I won't wish this on any of them so here I sit. Yesterday I did a couple sun sals and some handstand playing (The Daughter was playing with me) but that's about it. I did, however, make my reservation for the Tulum trip in January -- my 10th anniversary present.
Yesterday I spent some time reading blogs of old friends... Holly and Tanya.. and others in the parenting world that I became very close to at one point and have sorta let slide away for whatever reason -- different paths, different focuses... I haven't put up my blog links on this new version of my blog out of pure laziness but I do know some cool people around this big wide world called the Internet. More power to you all for living your life your way... The tide ebbs and flows and I'm glad to see so many living above water (and, Holly, soon, I know it, you'll be blogging about ashtanga too ;>).
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:26 AM | Comments (6)
July 25, 2004
Naked On The Isle of Man
I've forever been drawn to England and Wales. It's like I feel this almost soul level comfort there. I've only been there once but I'm fascinated by English/Welsh history. I took a trip there just to see ancient ruins and castles... My blog has been behind a robot wall ever since I started it. This means that search engines don't pick up the text and basically it is "hidden" -- when Ashtangi.NET came up, I decided to unveil it, I removed a few posts that I didn't want public and now it's not locked down. When one of the Ashtangi.NET bloggers asked me how to put in stats, I tested with my own blog... so I thought it was a bit funny tonight to find that someone from the Isle of Man, where I've always wanted to visit, found my blog doing a search on "naked yoga hanumansana" -- think they do naked yoga on the Isle of Man?
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:43 PM | Comments (3)
Holy Cow
I'm reading the book Holy Cow by Sarah Macdonald ... basically the memoir of a journalist trying to find herself in India.
"... It's a bizarre scene - full of foreigners attempting to figure out India. I'm beginning to think it's pointless to try. India is beyond statement, for anything you say, the opposite is also true. It's rich and poor, spiritual and material, cruel and kind, angry but peaceful, ugly and beautiful, and smart but stupid. It's all the extremes. India defies understanding, and for once, for me, that's okay. In Australia, in my small pocket of my own isolated country, I felt like I understood my world and myself, but now, I'm actually embracing not knowing and I'm questioning much of what I thought I did know. I kind of like being confused, wrestling with contradictions, and not having to wrap up issues in a minute before a commercial break. While the journalist in me is still curious about the world, I'm still not really missing the way my old job confined my perceptions of life. My confinement here is different - I'm trapped by heat and by a never-ending series of juxtapositions. India is in some ways like a fun house hall of mirrors where I can see both sides of each contradiction sharply and there's no easy escape to understanding."
This passage really resonated with me. The Husband and I got into a discussion about me, my self-perceptions, world perceptions, my career, the changes I'm going through, my tattoo and the reason why that verse sits in my soul like a peach pit, light but heavy at the same time. I truly enjoy finding contradiction in myself, in my surroundings, exploring everything I can. I like the smorgasboard of spirituality that I've sorta created for myself... I celebrate Pagan holidays, I teach my kids about Buddha, we read books about Hindu celebrations... I believe that each and every word of Verse 4 (as written above) is who I am and who I aspire to be.... I search for myself everyday... and sometimes it's tiring.... but I wouldn't want it any other way. I need to inner reflect a lot or I feel out of control. Yoga gives me the ability to do that in a still place and to go deeper than I think I could without yoga. But yoga has also brought a lot of upheaval in my life and it appears to me in a much different way than for most yogis. Before yoga I was very "crunchy granola" in the way that I ate, lived, etc. Yoga has made me stop and start over almost. Almost like I have to go back through all the contradictions, through the fun house mirrors to find myself again.... like it's a new person... not just a new lifestyle. I don't know if that makes sense. I may never make it to India, this book and others may be the closest I'll ever come. I may never make it to daily practice... I may never make it back to a place in myself that feels right... but I truly enjoy the struggle and I don't think I've always been able to own up to that. It's easy to view the struggle as something separate from oneself... but it isn't. It is who I am in many, many ways.
Practice Friday was very good. There was a gentleman in the room whom I had never seen before with a good practice... clearly learned from true ashtanga teachers. I had to leave a bit earlier so I finished my practice before everyone else and didn't get to say hello to him... I always wonder now if someone such as that could be a blogger or just a blog reader. As for my practice, fairly strong... my teacher brought to my attention that my hands are never completely flat. I think this is due to the hyperextension of my elbows... I try to hold off on the hyperextension, the inner palm raises off the ground. Trying to maintain both is very difficult for me. Probably a strength thing.
Today I practiced with a friend. Long evening last night so my practice was slothy with some good moments here and there. I was playing around with dropping back... putting my hands on my lower thighs and bending backward...I can actually see the ground with the added support for my legs... my friend said my hands were not more than 6" from the ground, telling me to let it go but I could not. Someday.. practice and all is coming.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 4:16 PM | Comments (3)
July 21, 2004
The Moon In The Sky
I left Sunday for Atlanta. I only go into the office once a year pretty much and this trip was far overdue. Against the twinge in my soul, I left my mat at home... I had so much going on for two days I knew it was pointless. That's what one gets for being selfish and trying to fit a month of work in less than 12 hours. The entire trip was so mental that I'm still reeling from the adventure. Intellectual, emotional, exciting, fearful... I don't think I've felt so many emotions in so little time in a long time. The thing about emotions is that it makes one feel alive. Really alive. To keep from boring myself or replaying any of the emotions I don't necessarily feel like facing right now, basically, I had some career issues to face, choices that I didn't think would present themselves to me in life... that I've again chosen to move beyond. It's all choice... it's all lifestyle... but it can still be nearly painful, fearful, sad to let go of something... even if it is only a potential something. I had a very intellectual conversation on the flight out... the gentleman next to me was in physics but doing some sort of bio work studying anthrax. He was fascinating to talk to most especially about vaccination, germ theory (this is what he specialized in) and our natural immune systems. Head about to burst, I landed in the South, met up with some friends and proceeded to do something I haven't done in a very, very long time... drink my ass off including shots of hard alcohol (which I do not drink and haven't since I was like 15). It was a looonnnng evening which included being yelled out by a good friend, picking up a bartender (not in that way), some NFL scout guy, some sickness (not by me) and the alarm being incorrectly set and going off just an hour after supposed sleep set in... to them have me up every half hour checking my cell phone afraid I'd miss work. Let's just say that practice probably does make perfect and I am woefully out of practice when it comes to partaying... My trip ended on a sweet conversation in the middle of the airport.. one that made me laugh and cry and smile and frown. Those are always the best conversations.. for they bring you round to your center.
Though I got little sleep last night and haven't seen my children in what feels like days, I took the opportunity to practice tonight because I needed it physically and mentally. I had a wonderful light practice... most accomplished tonight was the fact that my jumps to my hands in Sun Saluations were silent..and I do mean silent. I felt light... I felt infused with life.. I felt some sort of silent change and I think that is what having a really emotional time does for me. So often in my daily life I'm stuck in the rut, the grind of my responsibilities that I forget that what truly makes me thrive is feeling emotion. It probably isn't like that for everyone but it is for me. My practice was strong tonight... My teacher helped me a bit with my chatarungas which were a bit lopsided tonight... even encouraged me that I was really making changes with my body. I know it isn't the point but, sometimes, hearing that "Good Julie" is pretty cool.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:38 PM | Comments (2)
July 17, 2004
Nice Even Flow
I tried to practice again last night... My daughter hasn't been entirely "right" since her accident and she wasn't happy I went. The mommy-guilt and residual soreness in my arm had me leave halfway through. As it turns out, for my daughter, I'm glad I came home. I am going to try to find some cranial work for her this week as I think her energy has just been sorta knocked a bit out of whack.
This morning I got up and went to practice and was VERY happy to find that my arm is basically back to normal. I had good strong Sun Salutations without issues in chatarunga. Standing postures were fine... I did hold off on Mari A & C (we didn't do B&D today in prep class) just because the inside of my arm was rubbing too much in both those positions... the inside appears to be the only real residual soreness. The rest of practice was great. Smooth jump throughs that even surprised me. I still can't make them quiet but only the sound of my feet sliding the last couple inches today instead of my usual butt thud.
I've had a few people ask me the translation of my tattoo. I find it interesting that I explain that it is a verse from the Gita (and then after being asked that the Gita is a Hindu spiritual text and then explain that basically it lists qualities of that humans have through the divine/God or because of God) that just the word God "makes it all okay" for some people. It will be interesting to see how I handle the attention of having this tattoo on my arm -- I'm not real good with attention and I'm starting to see that this choice is, too, part of my karma, part of my journey... to be proud of who I am in my beliefs and not squirm in the presence of others. I knew that half of the reason I wanted this tattoo would not come to me until after I had it. I could feel that in my gut. I knew I wanted it but I wasn't sure exactly what the ramifications of that decision were for me... I'm starting to see it and I'm sure there is more to come.
I leave very early for a business trip. I believe, for the first time, I'm going to leave my mat at home. There are no early morning Mysore classes in Atlanta, apparently. I couldn't find a led class that fits my work schedule. I usually practice in my hotel but I'm not sure I'm even going to have time... the truth of the matter is... I will pack everything and at the last minute decide to check my bag so I can bring my mat... I feel naked without it.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:58 PM
July 16, 2004
It's All Yoga
I just read a blog entry by a yoga practitioner who, I think, criticized many of the yoga blogs I read including my own. The criticism included adjectives like "mindnumbingly boring" and "if they ever get the balls" to study in Mysore. As well as a blurb about how quickly she advanced in the practice. Ever since I read it, I've been thinking about it. I've been blogging for many years. I've been blogging longer than I've been practicing ashtanga yoga. My blog isn't for anyone else other than myself and my kids and never has been. Since I work at the computer all day in my very real job that supports my very real two children, I find it much easier to use this thing to record my thoughts than paper which I could never manage to keep up. This blog lets my friends that I'm often too busy to talk to know what's going on (and vice versa with many of them). I don't really care who likes it and expect that those that don't just move on. For awhile, there were a lot of shit stirrers in my online world. I made a conscious effort to break that part of my world off. I don't participate in many online environments anymore and I basically keep to myself. My goal ever since a very ugly and hurtful Internet "episode" has been and will remain to have love and compassion for all people trying to communicate via this medium.
I often wonder about the phenomenon of blogging. I think, in the beginning, bloggers blog for everyone else. They want to write super interesting stuff and get lots of comments, etc. Over time, blogging becomes their pen and paper and most bloggers eventually write for the therapy of writing. What I find most impressive about blogging is the community that it can bring together. It doesn't matter what the subject matter is, blogging brings people all over the world together to talk about whatever it is that feeds their soul (or other aspects of their person) and we definitely need more of that coming together in life. It helps us all see that we are all the same, we are all human and we all have our passions. I have two blogs. I have this blog which is my personal blog and has been my personal blog for years. I have a work blog. The power of blogging is truly evident there. Instead of struggling through work issues, trying to figure out new software, etc., I can blog about it and I immediately get responses from the experts. My work blog has bought my way into technical conferences. My work blog has brought me job offers. My work blog has made connections and resources for me that truly make my work life better. I even note as people in my work blog environment start blogging little parts of their mundane lives come out in the lines too... it's a natural extension of a blog and I like it. My personal blog has brought me many of the same things in different ways... one of my dearest friends and I communicate largely via our respective blogs... I just took a yoga/spa vacation with her. Blogs are a truly wonderful thing and I'm glad to see so many people, whether they are writing about their mundane and insanely boring lives or their fascinating lives, sharing themselves, opening themselves up to the world and finding their inner source. THAT is what is going to change the world. It is that sharing, that freedom with yourself, that ability to connect with others even via paper (i.e., computer screen) that will make the whole world a better place. It might sound lame but, if you really stop and think about it, it has some truth.
When I read the blurb about the speed with which this person advanced, I truly felt humbled. Amazing. It is. There is no doubt about the fact that I have deep amounts of respect and awe with people who can dedicate themselves to a daily practice, to Mysore, to Guruji. When I see people like Kiran practice I do feel humble.... and I do feel envy. Part of this path for me is recognizing where my limits lie, where my life is evolving and how to keep that balance. I really don't CARE if I ever make it past first series. I really don't. Sure, sometimes I look at second and I think about how amazing it will be to someday have the strength and the flexibility and the mental preserverance to make it there but it might not happen and I recognize that and part of my yoga is to acknowledge that. I've blogged before about the awe I feel for people who have made sacrifices for their practice that I can't make. Perhaps it is where I am now and perhaps it is a place I will never be. I don't care. My primary yoga, the yoga that makes me who I am right now, is to raise two children. To change the world by raising kids who are conscious, who think, who have compassion, who have love. I can't do that if I'm neglecting their needs and, you know, right now I'd have to do that to practice daily. It isn't worth it. I ask any parent who has sat through a night of no sleep, holding a sick, screaming child what is more yogic... laying them down, screaming so you can make your practice... or comforting them through your own ego, to find your soul in their screams -- to make that union with God through the self-sacrifice which is far greater than any self-sacrifice yoga requires to really be there for one's children. So, maybe one day, when my kids are more self-sufficient, when my daughter doesn't have an overwhelming need to be next to me at least every couple hours, when she's able to spread peanut butter on her own bread, I'll find a new level for my yoga practice...but, until that time, I still believe I'm a yoga practitioner... I read, I study, I explore my body...sometimes not with a teacher, sometimes not on a mat, sometimes just doing backbends with my little girl... it's always yoga though..whether you're doing 3rd series... 4th series... or first series... or just wanting to do first series. It's all yoga.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:46 AM | Comments (11)
July 15, 2004
Never One To Be Smart
It probably would have been a good thing if I'd have followed SMN's suit and taken a day off from yoga after the tattoo but Kiran was teaching and I really wanted to take her class. It's surprising when one attempts to do yoga just how much the forearms meet other parts of the body... you don't really think so much about that in a normal practice but tonight I was accutely aware of the "brush" for the inside of my arm is still sensitive. Not only was the "brush" a fear factor but I could tell that my arm was still a bit sore and didn't have as much strength in my chatarungas. In my head I was only seeing a practice, but in each downward dog I could feel it stretching out and then I started thinking "You know, if I screw it up now, it's like that forever." So I did do the whole standing sequence, skipping a few that clearly I would kill myself doing... but when it began to burn towards the end I decided it would be better to give myself a break... because I mean, afterall, I haven't even had it 24 hours yet.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 6:45 PM | Comments (2)
July 14, 2004
Permanent Ink
Done. I had so much fun today and I'm still coming down from the high. I went over to Guru Tattoo, showed Dave the print out of Chapter 10, Verse 4 and he put it on my arm. My idea of having it in a single band didn't work since the text would have been too small...instead its a double band and doesn't go all the way around (which having had part of the inside of my arm done I'm sorta happy about now..OUCH!). I got fed lots of candy (probably something to do with the high) which Angel brought for me to munch on. It was too funny when we first got there, another girl was in getting worked on who is about to do a teacher training... we had the yoga discussion across the hallway :) Dave, the artist, was awesome..a great guy and a great artist and I will get him to a yoga class!
Not so great a picture but its hard to do them yourself... I shoulda had Angel take one before we left.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:17 PM | Comments (6)
July 13, 2004
A Clearer Version
Here's a clearer version of the Bhagavad Gita text, Chapter 10, Verse 4.. .just in case your name happens to be Dave and you're checking it out :)
and all in one line:
Posted by ashtangagirl at 5:34 PM | Comments (2)
July 12, 2004
One Front Tooth
The day started out fantastic... The Husband took over drop-offs and agreed to pick-ups leaving me open to the noon Ashtanga Center class. It was an Ashtanga prep class (up to Bhujapindasana) with 6 backbends and the finishing sequence. It was my first time with this teacher and I really liked her. She had the right balance of encouragement and sternness (which I sometimes need). In Tittibhasana she had us try it a couple ways... I am still too weak in the arms to do any of them. There was a really amazing guy a few mats down... I've seen him a couple times before, able to float into Navasana without touching. At the end of class while lifting my lotus, I let go two breaths from the end...I'm sure the rest of the class hated me when she made them hold it longer until I took those other two breaths "LIFT LIFT" she said looking at me with a nice smile on her face.
Given that I had practiced already I toyed with the idea of going down to Avalon Tattoo as one of the guys there has some beautiful Indian-influenced pieces. I thought I could go this evening when I normally practice... that idea was blown out the window when my husband called me from PAC where he had taken the kids swimming "Uh, honey, I need you to call the dentist, see what we do about an emergency." :( My poor daughter, she inherited my teeth. They are big and they fill her mouth...giving her a beautiful baby smile but not what you want. We've already been warned time and again that braces are in her future. A few days ago she was jumping on a pogo stick and slipped.. the stick slammed into her mouth. There was blood but she recovered okay. Earlier today I noticed that her gum above one of her front teeth was blue. I tested the tooth, it seemed fine. Apparently after swimming The Daughter, ever the domestic type, was putting a towel in the dirty towel bin and walked into the bin (a plastic bin), hitting her teeth... the front tooth came all the way out and she was bleeding profusely. Unable to reach a dentist we drove to Children's Hospital -- never a fun journey and always hours and hours of waiting. By the time we saw the triage, the bleeding had subsided (she bled enough to bleed through a big gauze bad on both sides) and all we could see was a gaping hole and a piece of what appears to be the root of the tooth dangling out. Since the triage told us that they don't replace baby teeth (and we didn't have it anyway) we decided not to wait any longer and drove home... paging the dentist. Sure enough, baby teeth do not get replaced, there isn't much to do and as long as the bleeding subsided and she's not in pain, we should be okay until tomorrow.... when she needs xrays and whatnot and eventually we can see if she can get a fake front tooth -- can you imagine 3 years of missing a front tooth!
Needless to say...there goes practice tomorrow... the life of a parent... parenting is my yoga...parenting is my yoga.... I keep telling myself this.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:37 PM | Comments (5)
July 11, 2004
It's Decided
Anyone that knows me knows that I've been talking about getting another tattoo ever since, well, before The Daughter was born. With 2.5 years of nursing, I could never do it so I put it out of my mind... but it's slowly crept back in. I have been pretty sure for all those years that I wanted to get that script over there on the left in some shape or form. Since I've never waivered from that thought in all these years, I figure the idea is permanent enough to warrant permanent ink.
That quote from the Gita essentially means that all those human qualities are part of man through God. Those qualities are qualities that I strive to find in my life. Sometimes I find them, sometimes I stumble but I strive nonetheless. Many many years ago when I first read the Mahabarta as part of some assignment, I believe, in college, I found myself memorizing that phrase from the Bagavad Gita. There are many different interpretations of the exact English meaning of the words but, for the most part, even Gandhi agrees that the interpretation over there on the left is correct. Sometimes words are interchanged but they all basically mean the same thing. The interpretation on this website was the first one I read and it has just always stuck with me. I've been hemming and hawing over exactly how to get it done... where at... but I think I've finally decided on a simple and small arm band. Decision made I started thinking, mhmmm, since I don't read Sanskrit, I should probably make 100% certain that the script written over there actually says what I think it says. It's strange how your mental thoughts manifest... I thought that last night and today I'm standing in the Apple store buying an iSkin for my iPod when a woman says to me "Do you know what that says?" as she pointed to my necklace. I said "Yes, it means fearlessness." She said, "Yes it does." I said, "Oh you read Sanskrit" and she told me that yes, she was from India. Since we were standing in a line I asked her if she would do me a favor and sine we were in the Apple store, we had plenty of Internet-wired computers...we looked up my site and she read the script. She confirmed that it says what it says and then thanked me. Why? She said she used to read a chapter of the Gita everyday but that she had just moved here after finishing her degree and she's been so busy with moving, she got in a car accident, etc. that she's stopped reading it. She said just reading that phrase made her remember the peace of reading the Gita everyday and how she should get back to it. Pretty cool twist of fate.
The Husband says he knows me well enough to know that I'm just itching now... if I could go right now and get it I would... and he's right. We'll see when it happens..maybe this week if I can swing it.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 4:37 PM | Comments (6)
July 9, 2004
Honeymoon Phase
It's finally here. I knew it would happen sooner or later... I was seriously hoping sooner and it might be but in retrospect it sure feels like later. Finally, we are out of a "I'm not sure this is my kid. Where did my sweet, loving, amazing kid go? Who replaced him with this smart 6 year old who knows it all, has heard it all, needs to test the edges of his zone"? My 6 year old is back to the child I know, back in one of those simply amazing stages... where every move is magical and deep and moving forward... where every action is so full of purpose... of life... of fearlessness. I like these stages.
No yoga tonight :( Major upheaval in schedule and there it goes ... right out the window. Hopefully, I can make it up tomorrow. I am quickly realizing that the need to practice every day is only going to be fulfilled in the mornings. The question is how.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:17 PM | Comments (1)
July 6, 2004
Not A Morning Girl
Today I had scheduled a special class. Someone I knew from online was coming down to this neck of the woods. We had previously discussed yoga, among other things, and the person wanted to try a "traditional" yoga class. I was working things out for a nighttime class probably at The Ashtanga Center when word got thrown my way that Angel, who has never done any yoga before, was coming along. The more the merrier but The Ashtanga Center is not where you take someone new, at least, not to the Tuesday night class. With some swindling, I ended up paying my yoga teacher/babysitter to teach a private yoga class instead of watching my kids (and, needless to say, I got no work done today). It was great though. I am always amazed at the difference heat makes. Since we were practicing mid-afternoon and the yoga room hadn't been used for hours, the air hadn't been on and, as a result, the room was warm...not hot but warm and that was good. I actually had a really nice practice, strong and smooth, only disrupted by the sometimes laughter or ability to ask Michelle a question about a posture since we had her all to ourselves. My jump throughs were louder than I would have liked but I did hold bakasana for like 2 breaths. My forward bends were all very deep and I even managed to move my feet away from the wall in handstands for about 2 breaths too. All in all, not a momentously blog worthy practice but nice and strong and fluid. I wanted to be more of a lookey loo -- but I was on the end and I would have had to actually look to see anyone else doing yoga so I didn't really get to see anyone else practice but what I did see what great. Kathy has a lot of flexibility! Angel did amazing for a first time yoga class. We did a long savasana and after I just wanted to pass out. A really great yoga practice does that to me and I often wonder how people who practice first thing in the morning make it through the day... I expect it would be energizing but I just wanted to sleep.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:03 PM | Comments (5)
abhaya
Fearlessness. Kids have it. Yesterday I was driving home and some boys had a lemonade stand on the corner. To attract business one of the boys was effortlessly jumping, two footed, into handstands on the concrete sidewalk. As I watched I thought - abhaya. This morning my daughter wanted to play with yoga. She's only 3 and her muscle strength isn't fully developed yet nor is her coordination. She's incredible strong but it can sometimes get lost in translation. Up to now, she's been putting herself into headstands against a couch or chair, throwing her legs up and over the edge. Today we worked and worked and I'm proud to say she was able to get up in headstand against the wall, legs only slightly bent, and hold herself there. She was quite proud and it shows how it's all coming together for her. What these have proven to me is just how much fear comes into play for me. Kids just don't have fear. They don't know it will hurt if they come tumbling down the other side and go splat so it isn't something they think of as they effortlessly throw their bodies or bend their bodies this way or that. They move with their bodies, backing off when they feel the edge but not anticipating the edge and I think that's a key. I'm not a very strong person, my upper body is weak and I'm bottom heavy... this puts a lot of fear into me in a lot of asanas... I guess it's true what they say..if we could only find that kid again.
The Daughter's other big accomplishment this morning was achieving pulling her head off the ground in a backbend. She actually did some great ones...I couldn't catch them with the camera but I did get this one, she couldn't hold them long (look at her hands) but she's getting it... very cool.
Edited to add: She just did the most amazing backbend for The Husband...showing off... arms straight, right by her ears... and a straight legged jump up into a headstand... :) that's my girl!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:23 PM
July 2, 2004
Disk Worthy
We spent the afternoon today retrofitting our car to hook up my new iPod to the line in on the stereo (which is in the dashboard -- we basically took the whole front off, removed the stereo, hooked up this little thing calling a blitzsafe, ran wires through the middle section of the car and up into the consoloe..complete with drilling holes in places you didn't expect to in your vehicle). I was supposed to be done in time for yoga and, well, I didn't think it was appropriate to leave in the middle of a job that my husband thought would take one hour and had turned into 4... for something that I bought and wanted that he'll likely never use. Fair enough, if I do the Friday night class I'm often too exhausted physically to get up at 8 and do the morning class. So tomorrow it is.
This evening without yoga has been a fairly interesting foray into musical tastes. We are now going through our entire CD selection and separating them into stacks... this stack for CDs on which we want only a song or more... that stack for CDs that we know we want to rip 100%. It's interesting to note your mental checklist of each CD, the songs and then the determination if you like the songs on the CD enough to warrant the disk space. I don't think we ever considered whether a CD warranted half a shelf space or a whole shelf space, know what I mean. It's a brave new world and disk space on my new iPod feels too unknown.
The interesting part is seeing what doesn't change. Picking up Crackle, a Bauhaus CD, there's not even a question in my mind. Absolute, 100% stack. Einsturzende NewBauten... mhmmmm... not even sure if there is an entire song I dug enough for disk space. The classics come up... Legend (Bob Marley), Deep (Peter Murphy), Substance (New Order)... Dead Can Dance, etc. Then there's the ones that aren't classics but you clearly must keep purely for nostaligia like Yaz, hell Erasure and, of course, the new ones Coldplay, Richard Ashcroft!, Anyway, if you note the list of classics, you'll guess my age... and that, my friends, is why I came to the realization tonight that I've, against all precautions to now, become my parents. I mean don't you remember that your parents always had all *their* "classics" around.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:24 PM | Comments (5)
Slow Yoga
Yesterday I took The Daughter to her yoga class for the first time. Normally M, my yoga teacher/babysitter, takes her. I was interested in what they do so I stayed. The teacher has a really great message but I'm afraid she is a little too slow for the kids. Don't get me wrong I wish with all my heart that asking my kids to sit in a circle and be calm would work.... but anyone with kids will know that usually has the opposite effect. I will give the teacher a few things... a lot of kids were late disrupting the class, a few moms stayed including myself which probably also disrupted the class and the kids were generally a little wild yesterday (moon related likely). I found it interesting... she did do yoga poses and she even had them do a bit of Reiki but I generally go the feeling she wasn't commanding their attention. Again, since The Daughter normally loves this class, it was likely the day. Anyway, about halfway through I ended up joining the class to help The Daughter focus. I was helping her with the poses the teacher was asking her to do and talking to her quietly about what to do. After the class was over the teacher asked me if I taught and I said no. Then she asked me if I would be interested in subbing for her. At first I said a clear no but then she said I should just come for a few classes and watch and get a feel for it. It might be fun. Last night I was coming up with ideas in my head for ways to get kids excited about yoga... In downward dog asking them to see if they can jump all the way to their hands type of thing. I'll think on it. I think teaching yoga to kids would be so awesome someday though I was thinking more at the elementary school level.... might be fun.
I've had to put some rules in place for myself with Ashtangi.NET. I am only working on little bits of it here and there during the day. I was beginning to do way more than I should and ignoring the very real projects I have going on with my very real job. So if you see things coming and going, it's just me playing. I purchased software to basically manage the site which allows me to have people who are publishers who can add things as well but the software wasn't necessarily created to do what I'm asking it to do. As a result, I'm having to hack it up myself... fun but takes time. I'm getting there. In the meantime, where are all you bloggers??????
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:46 AM | Comments (5)