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May 31, 2004
Anusara?
I decided to get up this morning and do the morning practice at the club... though I had taken the sub teacher's class before and hated it, I thought I would try it again and give her a second chance. I disliked the class even more today. She started off the class saying "Since almost all of you are women, we need to do some stretching first." HUH? Since when did we need to stretch before a practice just because we are women? We then proceeded to do regular sun salutations.... and then the practice ended up going into something I will describe as a cross between a phys. ed class and yoga. Before Padangusthasana we did this sorta squatting thing, then grab the toe, then straighten the legs... We went from Utthita Trikonasana into Warrior C (?) then on the other side. She had us get into Utthita Parsvakonasana in some strange way... Prasarita's were good....then before Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana she had us put our ankle over our knee, squat down, cradle the lower leg, stand again... I thought this was leading to Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana but, instead, it led to Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana and those of us who grabbed our toes from the inside of our leg were strongly reprimanded -- I've never had anyone at Tim Miller's correct this -- is this an Anusara thing? From there we did some wierd bouncing... legs hip distance, squatting, bouncing our butts up and down ?????!?!!!!!!!! It felt like 7th grade gym class. Utkatasana, Warrior then jump through into a wierd version of Dandasana...Paschimottanasana A & B... a sorta half backbend thing where we took one hand behind is, center back, lifted up into an arch with the other hand in over our heads... Then she had us do a vinyasa jumping through with our "leg folded back" -- those of us ashtangis in the room assumed we were heading into Trianga Mukhaikapada Paschimottansana but instead we did this pose that I believe is in the 3rd series where you grab your feet, one arm inside your leg, one arm over your head, twisting... then Janu Sirasana A, repeat other side.. Vinyasa, Mari A & C... Vinyasa, Navasana and a few variations thereof... then a lot of rocking up and down...shoulderstand... and that's it... 3 Vinyasas and a lot of wacky stretching stuff is most certainly not an ashtanga class and shouldn't be called one. At one point the very good ashtangi next to me and I just looked at each other and laughed... After the class was over I heard a much older person talking to the teacher about how great it was... the teacher said "Well, I can't teach ashtanga so I just do my anusara." Okay, then WHY set yourself up as an ashtanga teacher.
Rumor has it my favorite club teacher is leaving ;( Rumor also has it the only other ashtanga teacher there (who does prep classes true to ashtanga) is also leaving... I can only pray that Kiran will take over somewhere in there...
After yoga the family and I enjoyed the pool then had lunch at our favorite restaurant...when we were leaving, The Daughter's midwife, Catharine Miller, came with Tim Miller and his wife... it was nice to talk to Carol and meet Leela and talk to them outside of yoga. Although, I must admit, everytime I see Catharine I get that yearn to give birth again...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:49 PM | Comments (2)
May 30, 2004
I'm Back....
I'm back from the Microsoft TechEd conference ... with some very sore feet (literally blisters), a few extra pounds from all the ingested crappola one basically survives on at these tech conferences and a lot of really cool information swarming around in my head. No yoga.... Monday I got up at 5am and went to practice but I discovered the commute time didn't lend itself to practicing in the morning and so I haven't practiced since sometime way last week :( I'm sure I can barely touch my toes and, if I can find a way to do that, my stamina won't last 20 minutes. I really do need to find someway to practice in the morning. The Ashtanga Center's Mysore classes are from 7-9 which is impossible for me due to kids having to get here and there. I don't know of any real early morning classes... I keep thinking the answer is I simply must practice at home but it seems such a waste to not utilize the very good teachers I have at my disposal.
My kids have seemingly grown overnight... The Son is very into creating board games right now... it's truly amazing. He draws them out, they have intricate and well thought out rules. I think his brain works just like mine... I can't decide if I'm really really happy or if I feel scared about that! The Daughter is very into gymnastics right now and I'm starting her in a kids yoga class this week. I hope she loves it.
This week my "California accent" was very much shoved in my face... I can't believe most people would think calling up a "beach pizza place" and saying "Dude, are you guys slammed right now?" is, well, wierd?
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:07 PM | Comments (1)
May 20, 2004
Directional Difficulties
My practices suck on Thursdays. They do. Everytime I try to practice on a Tuesday or Thursday I suck. Is it because I never usually practice on those days and my body resists? Last night's practice was good and deep for me. An ashtanga prep class -- standing series but only a few seated postures before backbends. Up the wall, down the wall... my teacher was very stern with me, my chest wasn't open enough in my chatarunga (which is quite possibly the most hated event for me in all of my life -- pity there are so damn many in the first series!).
Tonight the lovely Kiran was teaching and I just flat out sucked. She had us do Surya Namaskra C (and if you really want to know the flow she'll have to tell you) but basically, as best I could make out, we did the entire standing series from back to front on ONE side with the addition of the "half moon" pose (I think it's what it's called) and the standing splits then we did on the other side. I cannot begin to tell you how messed up my body was. I knew I loved ashtanga because, for me, it is so meditative, I very seldom have to "think" where my body is going, my body just does. It's used to the movement, it knows what direction to head next and tonight I was truly baffled.. where does my foot go, am I facing the right direction, twist what way? Just changing the sequence, changing the direction I'm facing had such a dramatic effect on me. I can't say I didn't like it but it tripped me out. After some sitting postures when we did the first few backbends of second series I had to stop and ask if anyone else had the pain of their life in the pubic bone. In Shalabhasana and Dhanurasana my pubic bone was in such pain that I really couldn't go as far into those postures as perhaps I could have... I noticed one girl used a blanket under her so I will try that next time. Release and let go...
No yoga next week as I will be attending TechEd on Microsoft's dollar (WHOOHOOO) and am so excited I can barely stand it. 7am-7pm or later of programming, programming, programming... can you see the nerd in me shining through? I am working in the hands-on lab for Microsoft as well so if you'll be at TechEd, look me up! I'm thinking maybe I could get in a morning practice here or there but I can't find a studio with one and I can't risk waking up my kids at 4:30am to do it here. There will probably be little to no updates here either as I'll be out late hobbing it up with the programmer gods from all over the country :)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:36 PM | Comments (1)
May 16, 2004
Top 3 Thoughts of the Day
Does it unnerve anyone else that organizations like the ACLU are using "celebrity" ads to grab out attention... sorta like maybe the world is really like that Jim Carrey movie that I can't remember the name of?
If you were a yoga teacher, wouldn't it be very important to you, for yourself (though maybe teaching yoga isn't a selfish act, that's not necessarily how I mean it) to instruct classes with different postures to improve your teaching ability, knowledge, etc.? I mean if you are teaching "prep" classes and what not? I guess I wonder if it would get boring to teach the same prep class over and over instead of occasionally adding in those more "advanced" postures in the first series?
Just read this quote and I'm really processing it:
"There is also in each of us a maverick, the darling
stubborn one who won't listen, who insists, who chooses
preference or the spirited guess over yardsticks or even history. I suspect this maverick is somewhat what the soul is,
or at least that the soul lives close by."
------- Mary Oliver, poet, Long Life and Other Essays
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:11 PM | Comments (1)
May 14, 2004
Sparse Yoga
I've entered the beginning of Sparse May Yoga. It happens every year due to the fact that I'm always a chair or co-chair for my daughter's school auction (and, inevitably, for the past 3 years, there will have been posts here on this blog lamenting the huge job that it is). Sparse May Yoga started a bit earlier than I expected due to my family emergency but later than last year when I was officially the chair and responsible for everything. As I sit here thinking that I missed my full primary series class because I'm printing out 150 copies of our Addendum (which first needed to be created, formatted, modified per input and finalized -- and after people tried to add new items with less than 24 hours to go!!!!!!!!) followed by 3 hours of printing the hundreds of bid sheets for the silent auction bidding and folding each 8 1/2x11 paper into half... not to mention making sure before I retire this evening that the program I designed actually works for auction night, that it's all backed up and working on my laptop and that I can get my printer to actually work off my laptop (sounds easy but, for some odd reason, it just doesn't want to work). In the morning I'll be running the bid sheets over to the location, getting my computer setup finalized... trying to make a 10:15 yoga class... making my son's 1:30 baseball game... back over to the location for final setup and initial "as people arrive" bid number assignment... you get the picture. I have this wierd feeling that trying to fit in yoga tomorrow is a big joke... but I figure if I put it on my schedule, well, maybe it will manifest.
Some of the things I've been thinking about today are how I screw up my parenting daily. Now, don't get me wrong, I know everyone does and I don't want to perfect but it seems like it's such a crap shoot... is this one time that I lose my patience and yell or snip going to be the one thing that determines the success (loosely defined) or failure (again, loosely defined) of my child(ren)? Who decided I could be a parent? :)
Someone made a comment to me the other day that they go through cycles of husband hate :) like everu 6 months or so and I'm finding I agree with that observation.. it's always a rollercoaster... I happen to be in a more or less like state with my husband but I can definitely relate to the more downward cycle... I guess that's the ride of love and marriage...
I am definitely planning and have husband-approval to go to the Maya Tulum Tim Miller Teacher Training... again, not in an effort to be a teacher, but to further my practice... since I began talking about a couple people at my club that do ashtanga have decided, pretty definitely, to go too. I think it will be interesting (and a lot of fun) and I'm really excited to go. I need to save my money for the next 9 months... so, are the beachfront or ocean front rooms worth the extra $$
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:00 PM | Comments (1)
May 13, 2004
Greyed Out
I had to miss practice yesterday... huge family emergency that hasn't resolved itself and, I'm afraid, will be hanging over my head for potentially years and years to come. Maybe that won't happen... but I'm not holding my breath.
Today I got a massage... first time having a hot stone massage and, well, I hated it. At first it was great, the heat of the rocks but, after awhile, it just felt like laying on, well, rocks. I could feel the rocks digging in my back and it hurt. The therapist massages you with rocks... that's okay but, honestly, hands feel way better. I even have a red circle on my chest where a rock burned me. A few hours later, I endeavored yoga with Kiran... I didn't want to miss an opportunity to practice with her even though I knew I was feeling wierd. About Janu Shirasana B I just couldn't do it anymore.. I was consistently "greying out" coming up from anything... even a forward bend and my stomach was becoming quite upset. I'm thinking dehydration and whatever happened to me from those hot stones....
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:20 PM | Comments (4)
May 10, 2004
Nice
I had a really nice practice tonight... Strong, bendy.... I sweated a lot (which, for me, is unusual). My teacher even helped me with dropbacks and I swear when someone helps me the feeling is amazing... I feel like my backbends actually look good...but I can't seem to find that same bend when I dropback against the wall. My first, oh, 7 or 8 jump throughs were so quiet even I couldn't believe it... even my feet didn't make the slide sound. It's so funny to me how one day I can be so completely weak and off and another day feel so strong. I wonder when the day will happen when I'm consistent in my practice? Will that day ever come? Is it about practicing everyday?
A funny thing happened tonight though... about Janu Shirasana A, the girl next to me asked the teacher for some music. I, honestly, at that point hadn't realized that there wasn't any. I was so totally in my zone... and after Krishna Das came on I realized how completely off the music made me. No longer alone with my breath, my focus drifted more often. What I found funny, however, is that after the class the girl said to me "Sorry about the music but I need it to get my monkey mind to stop." First, I thought it was funny that she noticed how much it affected me and, second, I thought how strange that, for me, the music gives me monkey mind, for her, the music helps her monkey mind. The world is made of beautifully different people.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:49 PM | Comments (3)
Music Of Savasana
A post at YAAPS made me remember what I wanted to post about my Friday night primary series practice. The practice itself was horrendous... not only for me, it appears the majority of our class was just off. People who normally have very flexible and strong practices were flailing. I myself could barely do anything for some odd reason, losing my way... even the teacher commented on how "off" we all were... When savasana rolled around she put on Returning by Jennifer Berezan and I was pretty surprised at the very, very emotional reaction I had. I always think if one is going to have an emotional reaction to a practice, it would likely be from some incredibly deep focused practice.... my emotional reactions always seem to take place after mediocre if not downright crappy practices. It's not surprising that I would have an emotional reaction triggered by that music ... it is, after all, the music I labored to give birth to my daughter to. The emotional reaction at first wasn't necessarily about that, the tears that I felt coming, I held back by analyzing why I would have an emotional reaction to it.... I should have just let it go but I never feel the "gym" is the right place for that kind of emotional display. Though it seems like a plausible excuse, I labored to birth my daughter to the music, it's not the first time that that CD has been played during savasana... and the CD she was actually birthed to, Rain of Blessings, has been played numerous times with no reaction. So, while I may never know what really touched off the emotional reaction, my analysis of it was quite indepth.
With my yoga, I try to turn inward and use the time on the mat as my meditation practice as well as all the other things yoga gives to me. My husband I used to sit every morning but that simply doesn't happen in our lives anymore with two kids and, so, I use the mind emptying practice of ashtanga to find that stillness. It's one of the reasons I love ashtanga -- that I don't have to watch the teacher to find out what the sequence is, that I can just go with my body's memory and know it is all coming out. A really nice benefit of my practice is that I am becoming much more aware of and in tune with my body. That body and the awareness of it's power came from the birth of The Daughter. I would love to tell you that it came from the birth of my son, my first birth... but that birth was powerless and at the mercy of a doctor who basically told me what I should feel (as if he'd ever know), when I should feel it and what was going to happen (even when I said I didn't want his medical offerings). The Daughter's birth, on the other hand, was all about my body, my power, my mental stillness and meditations... and the closest I ever come to that feeling anymore is my experience on the mat. No, it isn't the same. As anyone who has given birth at home, without the noise of monitors to fill their mental space, without someone else directing the show, with the strength of only their body, their mental clarity and the warmth of those in attendance can tell you, the experience is like no other and nothing can ever feel the way it felt... nothing can be as painful, nothing can be as spiritual and nothing could require the mental stamina, focus and determination that birthing requires... nothing.... but what a gift to find that the power, the gift of power, can be found in other places... and my mat is one of those places where I am continually amazed at the progress I can make, the changes I can see and the mental focus and determination pay off. No, I'm no uber-ashtangi, but you don't have to be... it's true, yoga is not a competitive sport... and it doesn't matter if you are practicing next to someone working on 4th series, or someone who can perfect a handstand.... surrendering to your own practice is where the power is. I struggle to remember this sometimes... a lot of the time.... and I think that is why, after such a difficult, heavy practice, I had such an emotional reaction to that song.
On Sunday I was given a beautiful plate by my son. After the card my daughter gave me, I felt sorta bad for missing a lot of dinners and bedtimes... but my son made me a plate at school. Apparently they were told to make a drawing of something they love about their mommy or like to do with their mommy. My son drew a picture of his bed, the rocket pillow on his bed, him laying on the bed and me rubbing his back... it is beautiful and perhaps the most amazingly moving thing anyone has ever given me. As my husband said, just stop and think about this from his eyes... asked to draw a picture of me, at 6 years of age, the one thing he chose was something that we do at night, to give love and support, it's his way of cuddling, his way of asking me to comfort him, his way of letting go of stress... so while one child might miss me at night, the other's biggest impression is me rubbing his back before bedtime.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 4:50 PM | Comments (7)
May 8, 2004
Mother's Day Cards
I can't decide to be proud... or ... or.... well, let's put it this way, I always sore that if there was one thing (among the many one things I swore) I would do with my kids during their childhood that I didn't get, it was that we'd eat dinner together as a family. When I was a kid, my father was emeshed in the racquetball scene... I think, at one point, he was like the world champion for all of the military branches combined or something... I remember it being like in the paper and a big deal kinda thing.... I can remember maybe only a handful of family dinners together ... I truly believe that family dinners are one of the best way to have really special family conversations...
My daughter made me a Mother's Day Card at school... The outside is pink construction paper (her 2nd favorite color). She's used marker to, as my son so eloquently puts it, "scribble scrabble" the outside... on the inside cover there is a nice picture that *almost* looks like *maybe*, just *maybe* she actually drew a face on a circle to make a face (and it's all in purple, her 1st favorite color)... you know, it kinda looks like it but it's 3 year old artwork and you just can't be sure if it's an accident that those dots are in the circle or not....
The inside... has one line:
My mommy likes to go to yoga when I eat dinner.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:33 PM | Comments (3)
May 5, 2004
3 Practices
Sunday I took the full first series class at the gym... I know I had some things I wanted to write about but I've plum forgotten them in the time that's passed. Monday night I practice with the lovely Kiran... The first notable thing about my practice Monday was the fact that my first 4 to 5 jump throughs were silent in my ass.. HUGE for me. The only sound was my feet sliding through but no thud when my butt touched ground. We moved through the series to Mari D then Kiran, bless her soul, did some intro to 2nd series for me. It was really fun but my favorite part were the two "research" type things she had us do. First she had us get into a headstand facing away from the wall then drop our feet over to the wall, pushing through our shoulders lifting our head off the ground. x5 then feet down to the ground in a modified backbend... then lift one leg, then the other. I had a hard time lifting my legs but I think I've discovered in my trials since that it was because I was too close to the wall. Once there we were supposed to lift into a full backbend and come back over but my arms were too weak by then so I walked over from my headstand arm position. After that she had us move to the wall facing it and into upward dog... coming as close to the wall as we could, pressing the front of our bodies against it, if we were straight up we were to raise our hands up the wall...so I did that then Kiran walks by and says "Now put your head back" and I say "Um, it isn't?" LOLOL her reply "I could make it go back :>"
Tonight Kiran was subbing again and we stayed in first series until right before Kurmasana when Kiran had us do some research poses and boy howdy did they help! I was able to get my leg behind my head! It wouldn't stay... but I could very easily get it there. It was nearly a wierd feeling... Kiran was holding my leg there since it wouldn't say and she asked me if it hurt. It didn't... in fact, it almost felt like my leg was not part of my body anymore. There was no pain at all just this sorta surreal feeling with my hip. After class Kiran told me to say that I was going to learn Chakrasana :) To my surprise, she says I did it. I still don't really believe it and, no, it wasn't all the way into chaturunga... but I came home and tried a few more times and I think at one point I was actually, if I'd have had the strength at that point, all the way close to chaturunga. Pretty cool. It is the coolest thing that Kiran has so much to give. Thank you Kiran, I really really appreciate it. Namaste.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:38 PM | Comments (3)
May 1, 2004
It's All About Stamina
It used to be that if I missed a few practices my flexibility would shrink back and I'd have to work back into it... anymore, my flexibility is still fairly good but my strength and stamina suffer dramatically when I'm not practicing regularly. Today, however, for whatever reason, my flexibility, though fairly normal suffered in strange areas and my strength wasn't so bad. Practice started with that distant remembrance of trying to get my head to my knees without my hamstrings screaming in agony... 4 or 5 in I was getting to the point of the "ah" feeling that is the norm instead but I can always tell when I start off with the screams that my practice isn't going to be as deep. Today one of my favorite teachers was subbing, she's a student of Tim's and sticks to the series... taking things out in shorter classes but she doesn't veer from the order or the asanas... and I was happy today when after the Prasarita Padottanasana set she called out Samokanasana (side splits) because I, generally, enjoy what follows -- Hanumanasana. In attempting Samokanasana, my mind wandered to one of my recent posts... about buying a mat. I have a regular sized black mat now and whenever I do this asana I think to myself that with my next mat, I should get the long one. I am nearly 6' tall and I don't need it for the majority of the practice but for side splits I could go so much further with it than without... using the floor, my feet slip and with no traction I feel out of control.. perhaps this is a bandha issue.. .but when I practice on carpet, I can definitely move far more into it. Sometimes I use the wall on one side and that definitely helps to keep both my feet from slipping and I can generally control the other one for at least a few breaths.... but I don't really want the longer mat... it takes up more space in the room and it can be, at times, hard to find a space with just a regular mat. The remaining standing postures were decent... nothing to blog about, getting my head to my knee in Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana was near impossible whereas normally it's a piece of cake for me. Those screaming hamstrings were the preview of that difficulty. I was grateful that my teacher skipping vinyasas between sides today and realized that I have much more strength doing them between asanas.. much more likely to land with some softness than if I'm getting tired in the arms doing them after every side... it's all about stamina. The wierdest experience for me tonight, however, was in Mari D... a pose which I've been able to do basically since the day I started Ashtanga bound with hands clasped and that I can fairly easily do hand to wrist now, using my other hand over my calf to deepen the stretch... so I was pretty surprised when my teacher came over to give me a nice deep stretch which I so rarely get (since most people need help binding) and my back just cinched up... it wasn't going anywhere.. I've NEVER been tight there before so it was a very odd feeling for me.. we both kinda mumbled "Humm" ...
Later in the afternoon my two neighbors and I were discussing yoga ... my new neighbor said she used to practice Ashtanga before moving here and has been waiting til the move was over to get back into it.... my other neighbor wants to try it out... so we were playing around...I was getting the kids to do backbends, lotus, lifting their lotus (Amazing!), handstands, headstands, etc. I was playing around and one little girl asked me if I could drop back.. since I was on grass I tried it... the first time I actually did it but was moving so fast that I couldn't hold my weight, slid to my head and then pushed up again... the second time... well, here's a way to really injure yourself... I was standing with my bare feet on the grass, I bent back, into the backbend just fine not falling on my head but I was pushing into my feet which then slipped on the grass and the only way to save myself was by coming out bending at the knees which promptly SLAMMED into the edge of the concrete... you should see the huge black and blue bruise and bump that has emerged... I don't even think Arnica is going to help and it hurts like hell. I'm hoping it won't be so tight tomorrow that lotus is impossible... we'll see. It was fun and what it proved to me is that I can drop back... it truly is fear holding me back.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 9:04 PM | Comments (2)