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April 30, 2004
Auction Hell
If you look through my archives for the past two years you'll find that every year about this week I'm in auction hell. This is my third year "running the computer programs" for my son then daughter's preschool... and it will be my final. This is a freaking full-time job for a few weeks and I've already got three of those! Last night I pulled a near all-nighter working on it and, of course, I feel completely horrible today. The beginning of the week was my moon and now this and, as a result, I haven't actually practiced since, holy cow, last week sometime. I'm debating the first series class tonight but given the fact that I've eaten once in 24 hours, have to go get my blood taken in about 5 minutes (lest you think this is no big deal, let me tell you that up until I gave birth naturally in my home, I passed out after giving blood -- I have very low blood pressure naturally and always feel very woozy after giving blood), been up half the night and, at my age, that generally makes me feel like I've spent the evening in a bar... so I probably won't go... *sigh*
Up to now I've really enjoyed the experience of having my kids in a really great co-op environment but we are seriously considering another school for next year... it's twice as expensive but we wouldn't be committed to the many volunteer hours that go into a co-op. The school itself is just as wonderful but maybe a little less "outdoorsy" and less organic (which is a concern for me)... is the balance worth it is the question. It's actually hard to believe that this decision is drawing near...that in a couple more months I'll have a child about to enter FIRST GRADE!!!!!!!!! (the selfish part of me thinks.. holy cow in one more year it is quite possible I can actually start to go to Mysore at least a few days a week and the following year probably everyday -- IMAGINE the possibilities) If we do decide to change schools next year it will be a hard year as The Daughter will go to school in the afternoons instead of mornings but we'll make it work somehow.
Yesterday I went and picked up a Mothering magazine... I've been really feeling "off" about myself with all the dietary and other changes that I've been experiencing... I don't feel right... or normal... I feel like an imposter. So I picked up Mothering just to inspire myself again with all the things I hold near and dear. I'm wondering if part of this process is just having older children now... whereas my attention was very much driven by breastfeeding, homebirthing, attachment parenting, slinging, etc. now I have older children and my focus isn't on all those things that I did everyday. I no longer have a nursling riding around in my bright orange sling...
The memories of The Daughter's homebirth are becoming a bit dusty... my kids are past the stage where the majority of those beautiful wooden toys are appealing.. we're entering a whole new space as a family... and therefore as individuals. It's interesting and I'm wondering where I'll land... in the process of finding myself again... it's a continual thing.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 3:33 PM
April 26, 2004
Weak In the Moon
Yesterday I practiced with a fellow yoga student from the club... I had one of the worst practices I've had in a long time! I had no balance, no rhythm... I could not get myself inverted FOR THE LIFE OF ME! I fell flat on my back trying to get UP the wall from a backbend ... I didn't even attempt going down. I couldn't even get up into a headstand... horrible! It was only after laying in savasana (which I couldn't do either by the way) that I realized that this was the first time I'd practiced in the first few days of my moon in over a year. I guess there is a reason I stopped doing that! :)
So, I'll not practice tonight... besides I have work to catch up on anyway. I'm in the market for a new yoga mat too -- I can't decide if I should stick with Manduka or try the new Prana Maha mat. I also need a new bag... I have one but it doesn't have a zipper pocket and I am continually losing things from the open pocket (like nearly losing a very expensive platinum ring I wear). My old bag that I loved broke one day as I was pulling my mat out... I'm in love with the bags from My Mat & Me but, as you can tell, they don't have a zipper. I like this bag a lot too but it's too small for a black mat and the larger one doesn't appear to have the zipper pocket. I've seen some of this style both at this place and Crescent Moon but I can't decide if that strap would be as nice as the ones I'm used to. I love the Saka and Timbuk bags but they are simply over the top of what I need (and it's funny because I remember when I went to Yoga Works at Thanksgiving a couple years ago -- an experience I hated -- a girl came in with that fuzzy bag and I though "Now, I'm REALLY in L.A.!). I've never been one to be obsessed with purses (or shoes or clothes for that matter).. I own two purses and they are both black. I owned one briefcase (when I needed one)... also black. For some reason, I love yoga mat bags...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 6:06 PM | Comments (7)
April 23, 2004
Glowing Moola
I've spent most of the day becoming an expert in spas. Yes, I've looked at SpaFinder and Spa Magazine and Resorts & Healthy Lifestyles and every page that talks about yoga retreats.....I give tell you where they range price-wise, what their services are about... but the biggest tip I can give you is if you want to have a vacation a step above your usual financial run on the ladder, go to Canada! I'm now in love with Canada. So, I'll be going with Lucia to Elemental Embrace after sitting on my ass all day figuring it out. Went straight from hanging up with the very nice Canadian man making my reservation to laying my mat down for Friday night Primary Series class.
I had a sorta wierd class. I was incredibly tight due to sitting and without the usual 5 minutes of pre-class stretching I wasn't loosening up very quickly. I didn't feel strong or fully at my edge... It felt, well, like a below-average practice... so I was really surprised when suddenly it dawned on me that "Hey, wow, we're already to the ground!" It seemed like practice just flew by... I wonder what made it feel that way to my head and not at all like that to my body? Maybe the two are just becoming more in line with each other after all.... The class got mostly wierd though towards the end for me. Halasana was tough on my back and then Karnapidasana felt wonderfully awesome but strangely painful at the same time... it was like I suddenly felt this sharp but not overwhelmingly painful throughout my stomach and into my chest. It was the type of pain where I didn't necessarily want to not feel it but figure out what it was... I had a difficult time finishing anything and felt sorta cramping after... then during Savasana suddenly I felt my moola bandha just releasing heat.. I mean it was so noticeable and it was sorta moving up into my sacrum and my thighs were glowing like. It was absolutely amazing. It wasn't at all sexual or anything..it was just like this really amazing light or something... I think those are the experiences you are supposed to have but I always feel like they'd only come when you had an amazing practice... it was interesting to me that I'd had only an mediocre, at best, practice.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:48 PM
April 22, 2004
There Were Bubbles
Tonight was my night to stay home from yoga and watch my kids play and be kids... We went to Swamis and had smoothies and lunch, we went to Magical Child (the local natural parenting store) and we played, looked at all the great Barefoot Books, cute organic clothes, great wooden toys (and played with those)... then we went to the yoga store and looked around then treated ourselves to a piece of Chauo chocolate... then a strange night... they both became so completely engaged in pretend play in a way that was so completely unlike my son... so not his thing... it was so very cool to see them interact in such a shared imagination. So I took a bath... and, for the first time in eons, I had bubbles in my bath. Par for the course with the changes in my lifestyle recently, I've officially sold out completely to everything I wouldn't have done just 6 months ago... cow cheese and cow milk in the fridge, had fish tonight, my kid played with Barbie *gasp* today, The Son pokemon and now, I've done it! I actually bought, from Bath & Body Works, a bottle of bubble bath... one with chemicals that make bubbles (because we all have to admit, the bubbles from the all natural, organic, no chemicals and nothing unnatural bottle really aren't bubbles nor do they last)... and I liked it. So I sat in my chemical bubble bath and thought about how I wish'd I would have done yoga... after such a great day I was still so attached to my yoga practice.... but then I realized that I'm certainly not overboard... No, it's the part of me that realizes I have years to become addicted, years while my kids are little to just practice 3x a week, years to learn how to be addicted enough that I give a crap if a video I post isn't perfect :) but, really, and the point herein, I think that my yoga practice has brought with it many unexpected changes. As someone who was really sorta hardcore about all my beliefs, how right they were, how we should never do X, Y or Z, I'm finding my yoga practice is making me re-explore all of those lines in the sand I've drawn. I'm not saying that I won't make the same choices... I mean, it is quite possible that someday I'll drink a glass of cow's milk straight (though I'm of the mind right now that that will be a cold day in hell)... I know already that with some smaller choices, such as what type of bubble bath to buy, I'll go back to my bubble-less, natural, all organic, chemical free kind because my skin feels like absolute too small leather now... what yoga has allowed me to do is look at all my choices through a different colored lens and see where I end up this time.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:07 PM
Little Yogini
The Daughter wanted me to take some pictures of her doing yoga... Isn't she just amazing... I am going to frame the little Ardha Matsyendrasana (variation) and put in my office...
Ardha Matsyendrasana (variation :>)
Salamba Setu Bandhasana
(look at that little belly!)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:27 AM | Comments (10)
April 21, 2004
I Should Have Been a Gymnast
Tonight I made it to The Ashtanga Center.... Tim Miller is out of town so we had another teacher. My yoga teacher/babysitter was practicing across from me, my friend next to me (we both like the heater :>) and I felt pretty good. I started off noticing some wiggly feelings on the rug again... but I think it must have been my mat and I'm thinking I need a new one... every other posture my mat was completely moved over... While I was waiting for the bathroom I touched my teacher's mat and hers is way more sticky so I'm thinking I must need a new mat. Standing postures went well... I was pretty focused and my hamstrings were cooperating... Sitting went well... I have discovered how to make a difference in my jump throughs... I finally get what my teacher has been saying about pushing through my hands... the problem is I get tired after awhile and can't push so much (or, not at all) anymore. Tonight though I was happy when my teacher mouthed from across the room "That was really quiet" :> I'm like a 5 year old -- positive feedback leaves me feeling giddy. It was when we got to Navasana, however, that I noticed the girl next to me. I'd been noticing that she was super strong --- she could do jump backs perfectly (not touching the ground at all)... But after the first Navasana I watched as she appeared to effortlessly lift her body off the ground from cross-legged, push up into a handstand, hold it, then tuck her body and move through landing gently on her butt legs raised for the next Navasana... I don't think I've ever seen someone do that before..it was very beautiful (I asked my teacher after class if that girl was a gymnast before...she was..you can always tell). Backbending was only so-so for me tonight. I couldn't get very deep and I was very tired by then... Tim normally only does 3 (well the 3 classes I've been to) but tonight's teacher did 5 full backbends and I was tired... I had planned on trying to walk back to the wall but my teacher came and helped me up first and that was fine by me! :)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:50 PM | Comments (4)
April 20, 2004
What Is Happening To Me
I swear I don't know what's happening to me? I'm drinking coffee... Yesterday I bought real butter and real milk (for the coffee) at Whole Foods. I'm eating meat. I've had real cheese (mhmmm.. you must try Cotswald Double Glouchester OMG it is incredible). WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? My son has Pokemon cards.. my daughter is into all things Disney Princess. I'm freaking out here... what happened to me?
Posted by ashtangagirl at 3:58 PM | Comments (17)
April 19, 2004
Addicted!
So, I'm addicted. There, I admit it. I'm addicted to a nasty drug.. and I'm liking it. Coffee. In particular, mochas (since I don't really like coffee). After weeks of dragging around tired as hell, I finally tried coffee and by Goddess that stuff WORKS! I imagine at some point the high will actually stop feeling this way but, for now, it's pretty much a miracle. I can now see why half the world is addicted to this shit and why Starbucks is so popular.
The weekend held the wedding for my friend... Here are me and my two best friends there:
It was with something of surprise that I found myself limiting alcohol during the boat cruise (I had 5 glasses of water and 2 glasses of wine) -- I really thought the night would be spent smashed out of the ball park. Later, when the party moved to a nightclub (i.e., meat market), The Husband & I opted for the hotel room bed... I didn't get to practice this weekend regardless but I did note just how old I appear to be getting :)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 1:59 PM | Comments (8)
April 16, 2004
Entry #2 Ashtanga Blos
One of the things that I was thinking earlier today while surfing blogs is how grateful and happy I am to see so many new ashtangis blogging. Having had a blog for a couple years now and changed my primary focus online from alternative parenting communities/blogs, etc. to really the very basic things people do with the Internet... it's very very cool to have a whole new world of people opened up to me through all the ashtanga blogs... not only are these people dedicated to what I think is a life-changing and exceptional spiritual practice but they all have such interesting things about their lives. It's very cool and I feel happy with each new one that pops up. Panca
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:58 PM
The Scream Of Her Life
Kiran had me all psyched up to do the Intro to 2nd Series class tonight... At first I was like "No way, huh uh.. no way..." but, the more I thought about it, the more I felt really blessed that someone like Kiran, whom I respect so much and has such a wonderful practice, thought that I could handle it. In fact, I think it gave me a bit of some ego (which, in my practice, at times, could maybe be a good thing... as with everything else in my life, my battle is that I am hugely, beyond valuable, self-critical). So, it was with a frown that I drove home from Ki's after lunch with Noah Levine and Angel and saw all the traffic going north... north towards the Ashtanga Center. I knew I'd have to leave pretty early and I also know this might pose a problem.
Instead of being delayed due to the usual circumstances -- work, school, no babysitter... and instead of having my time on the mat, mayhap, I had a lesson in patience from the biggest master and teacher I have... my 3 year old. Yes, my 3 year old had the T_A_N_T_R_U_M of her life..of my life... of anything I've ever seen. The rage coursing through her little tiny body was causing her to shake, almost scarily (ala Exorcist)... her eyes were on fire.. if daggers were there, surely I'd have multiple stab wounds... she was screaming... screaming... screaming...for a very, very long time... time enough that I saw the clock tick by... the minutes pass when it was basically "If I'm going to make it, I have to leave..." and I knew I wasn't going anywhere... so I took the opportunity to stay with my screaming child and see my heart. You wonder what set off this rare eclipse of the blood in The Daughter's veins? Oh, one word, computer. But I won't go into the whole story because, really that isn't the point of this post...
Instead, a very significant time later, The Daughter finally breathing normal, no more nasty huge belches escaping her body from all the air inhaled during the violent screaming.. I tell her "The Daughter, honey, if mommy leaves now I could make yoga," thinking I could make the 6pm first series class down the street. With just a small twist of her arm, she let me go and I made it there in time to realize that I was so completely and totally emotionally drained that time on the mat might prove a very, very hard thing to do. Those of you with kids, I know each and every one of you understands this drain... this feeling that you have nothing left to give over to yourself or others... you've just spent what feels like a day dealing with the emotions of a 3 year old... who, bless their soul, needs you to shoulder some of those big, huge, adult emotions until they learn how... it's t.i.r.i.n.g. Preserve I did, however... and though the beginning of my practice led me down the road of "Should I just roll up my mat and leave now?," I preserved and made it to sitting... when, much to my surprise, my jump throughs sounded and felt amazingly different. At first, I figured the sound was just me... but I knew they felt different..it felt like I had more bandha and it definitely felt like I had more strength in my shoulders... Shortly thereafter my teacher came over to adjust me and whispered "That jump through was pretty quiet." I was so relieved to know I hadn't imagined it... and I give credit to those exercises at the gym... not because in less than 24 hours they miraculously made me strong but because they burned the hell out of my body and, as a result, I had way, way, way more body awareness on those areas when I was practicing today... and, as a result, I was using and breathing into those areas with far more precision. Interesting....
I finished the practice being able to come up off the wall in my backbend..but more fun, go down the wall. I realized that while you can use the wall quite extensively going up.. you really can't put any of your weight on the wall going down..it just doesn't work the same and I think that is why Kiran has told me before that I'll get coming up, when I go down.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:48 PM | Comments (2)
April 15, 2004
For Love Or Work?
I am, without question, drawn to the asanas in the first series which involve either half lotus or full lotus... I love Ardha Paddha Padma Padmottanasana and Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana... I could sit for half my practice in Mari B. I could never finish a practice without yoga mudra (Baddha Padmasana folded).
Tonight I did my own practice at the gym to a Dead Can Dance's Spirit Chaser... I had a pretty good practice, a lot of breath focus... but one of the things I mentally contemplated is: Do you think people are drawn to certain asanas, in my case asanas involving lotus, because those asanas bring them peace and are "like home" or do you think people are drawn to asanas because those asanas provide them with something in their journey, some tangible lesson, some way to see inside where they need to see? Maybe they are one in the same?
I ended my practice early because people started to show up for the next class a whole half hour early... so I decided to go jump on the StairMonster for 15 minutes or so (mind you I haven't seen the inside of an actual gym in years) and while I was stepping one of the personal trainers who also does ashtanga happened by... I told him I had been wanting to ask him if there was one or two exercises he could point out to me that might help me build my upper body strength, specifically, for yoga.... Since he also does ashtanga I was pretty sure he would know what I was talking about... so he did.. and I'm worked. First he had me do Uttpluthi on sort of a step to see if I could and, if so, how far I could lift my body... Since I can lift my body he asked me where it burned.. he thought it was my abs.. but really, my abs don't burn in that asana..it's my biceps..or what I thought was my biceps... As it turns out he had me do more shoulder exercises (like a shoulder press I think it was called)... and, boy, did that work me over. Then we did some sorta backwards sorta pushups..feet on a bench, sitting on one across from it... doing dips)... and, lastly, he took me over between two "steps" (you know those things they do aerobics on) and told me to try and do a jump back with the added height... and I was surprised to see, I really wasn't that far off from being able to do it at that height... and I probably could have done even more if I wasn't already wiped from a yoga practice, stairmonster and the previous exercises we did.... He told me to do this 3x a week... we'll see if I can fit in the time but I can definitely tell how it would be useful.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:43 PM
April 14, 2004
Mediocre As They Come
Yesterday I had the same tired, can barely move experience as Sunday. My eyelids could barely stay open... I felt drained. I donned my yoga clothes around 10:30 and realized into Sun Sal 1 that it wasn't going to happen... so I went to the HFS, got a cup of Mocha and some lunch... drank the caffeine, ate some food, did some work and while my yoga teacher/babysitter watched my kids, I closed my office door, cranked the heater and made it through the entire standing sequence pretty wel... but about two postures onto the floor, my nose felt a little wierd and I noticed a bit of blood.. HUH? So I skipped ahead to backbends but then decided that might not be smart so I did a mini-closing and ended there. I feel good that at least I practiced... wierded out that maybe the caffeine isn't such a good thing :)
After yoga I went out with my best friend for some conversation and pollution. He gave me really great exciting news about his life ;) and we got to do our usual philosophizing with each other.
Today has been a horrendous day work wise with calls from 7am til about now... hoping to make it to AC tonight but I'm not holding my breath as I haven't even begun any real work yet.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:55 PM | Comments (2)
April 11, 2004
It Wasn't As Bad As I thought...
This morning I got up early with the kids while The Husband was out surfing... I could tell that my thyroid issues had been brewing again as the last few days I've been really out of it. I had planned to leave at 9:30 for First Series at The Ashtanga Center but I ended up laying down to read First There Is A Mountain and I fell asleep... I woke up at noon! NOON So I planned to just do my own genki practice... and was surprised and happy to receive an email from a yoga friend asking if I were going to do so at the club. We met up this afternoon and with a 3 year old in the room (not mine, there was another lady there doing her own practice), the sounds of some sort of hula music, we did a practice together. One of the most marked things I noticed was how completely in tune we were for the most part (unless one of us strayed from one pose to the next or did different poses)... in the beginning it was like synchronized yoga and it was pretty cool.
I actually had a wonderful practice .... likely because we didn't do a whole series and skipped the part that is particulary brutal for me... but, it happened... What's been holding me back from dropping back is falling on my head... so today when I came up to drop back again using the wall I was trying not to use it so much and BOOM slam right on my head. Ya know, it didn't really hurt that bad..it was sorta jarring but it wasn't painful, per se. I'm hopeful this will help me do it on my own..maybe release some fear.
The rest of the day was spent enjoying our beautiful So. Cal. weather -- a walk on a nature trail with the kids and The Husband, dinner on our patio... nice, nice, nice!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:52 PM | Comments (2)
April 9, 2004
It's All In The Ending
I had sorta a bizarre practice tonight... I wasn't sure I was going to go... I had been feeling off all day which I attributed to my thyroid. I also made a complete and utter ass out of myself in front of a Microsoft employee (I'm still cringing that I actually did it) by basically making a Programmer 101, Step 1 mistake and then calling him up and telling him it was their program *sigh* All I really wanted was a glass of wine and some chocolate..but I went anyway remembering that Vatas need to get off their ass, stop thinking and just do.
So I did... and, I was surprised that in the beginning, though I sat in a chair all day programming, my flexibility was pretty good. I was a little out there at first but I had made a concentrated effort to actually focus all on my breath and, in so doing, I sorta forgot where I was for the first couple asanas... as I'm getting ready for Utthita Trikonasana, my teacher is saying Padagusthasana, Padagushtahasana -- it takes me a breath to figure out she's talking to me and what she's talking about :) Things went fairly nicely for me during the standing sequence... I felt pretty centered and aware of my breath and like I was having a moving practice. My first jump through was just absolutely sick... loud and difficult... I could tell my strength was suffering. Good Friday appeared to make everyone's jumps suffer and so our teacher had us all dial back and just try to jump cross legged silently instead. I can't seem to jump cross legged through my arms... when I do I inevitably hit my left foot on my right arm... I just don't quite have enough pull to pull my very long legs through. I was doing pretty good in seated postures. In Mari D I concentrated on where my foot placement should be.. I got it right next to my sit bone. Kiran had emailed me that I should place a blanket or something under the hip in order to keep my knee on the ground... I found that once I really concentrated on it and with a little help from my instructor (to whom I explained Kiran's instructions) I didn't really need the blanket too much or, rather, I didn't think it was helping. I'll have to see what Kiran says next time she sees it. I actually held a handstand for maybe the count of 3 tonight... that was pretty cool. I felt horribly tight in Upavishta Konasana ... pretty good the rest of the way through... backbends felt alright.. something seems to be holding me back lately.. I don't feel like I'm getting as far as I used to... but on #4 I used the wall up to standing, the wall back down and then back up again... I really, really love the feeling of dropping back and I noticed that I didn't really use the wall so much... just a light hand on it as opposed to really holding my weight with it.
Things started to go haywire for me around Pindasana... my stomach felt like it was going to lurch out of my body, I became very very nauseated... I think I was probably actually green. I tried to just breathe and that seemed to make the feeling a bit worse... I tried shallow breathing... came down to my knees... The sides of my head started to feel like they were expanding and I hate a slight feeling of dizziness. Regardless, I forced myself into a headstand and held it for only 5 breaths or so... finished yoga mudra then just lay back... My savanasa was interesting because I became almost disconnected from myself. Half of it was that I was feeling really green.. the other half because I was concentrating so hard on following my breath. By the time the instructor rang the bell and I opened my eyes I had an almost out of body feeling... looking at the ceiling I felt like things were sorta floating. After a few minutes I came to seated... we said Namaste and I left... I still feel out of sorts... I've eaten some soup, had some bread... slightly off kilter. I wonder if yoga brought something out of me or if I just have off medication again today.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:47 PM
Bending Everywhere
I was reading Andrea's blog this morning and a little sentence she wrote made me life "stretching in the crazy ways that all yogis do"... Thank Goddess someone said this because I often think I'm crazy... it doesn't matter where I am, I usually am either thinking of some way to stretch my body or somehow stretching my body. Standing outside on the driveway, watching my kids play, you will often find me seeing how far I can "drop back" before I feel scared, bending forward... in my daughter's dance class I stand there watching desiring more to go use the cool wall they have to try and walk down it and since I can't do that, I often stand in this little hallway which is the absolute perfect spacing for dropbacks for me... and then chicken out halfway down.... or just do uttasana a lot. One time The Daughter's dance teacher came out and saw me and she said "OH YOU MUST DANCE!" I said "Oh no way, I have no rhythm.." She said "... but I just saw you put your head to your knees effortlessly..." I said "Yes, that's yoga, requires no music!"
Last night I was reading Gerson's Ayurvedic Diet book and caught a line about Vatas and exercise ... that they should stop thinking about it and just do it... I obviously have this problem a lot.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:33 AM | Comments (2)
April 8, 2004
Can't Hang
I think I mentioned that I was trying to eat more meat protein and changing my diet based on all this research I did.... well, I can't hang. Last night was just the pinnacle for me... I told The Husband "That's it..I simply cannot eat another piece of meat for a long time!" So, I'm done with it. I was feeling somewhat better so I hope I don't go back to feeling desperate but I simply can't do it. Not only do I feel horrible on a soul level but I just get to the point where its too much -- I'm not sure if I mean its too much of one thing, or my body is telling me its too much or its too heavy or what...but I know that it is too much (perhaps too much of all of those things). So I've decided to do some research into Ayruvedic cooking... continuing to keep the dairy and eggs and some fish in my diet but the cooking meat everyday...that just isn't going to happen anymore. I bought a really fascinating new cookbook today with vegetarian Indian food in it.... I'm really excited to try it.
Balancing two kids and two jobs this week has been interesting... I seem to be taking the kids in the morning and The Husband in the afternoon. Today my yoga teacher/babysitter is here so that really helps. Honestly, though, I will be glad for things to get back to normal with school and regular activities that give us some definition to life (and, of course, the return of my yoga practice which has been mostly derailed due to my moon).
Speaking of -- I hear from a lot of women that they continue to practice through their moon. I used to but when I stopped nursing my moons became so unmanageable from a pain perspective that I've been forced to stop. I've read things back and forth as to whether it is really necessary to take the first few days off.... I think I'm of the mind that its okay to practice (though I do tend to feel weaker during my moon). It doesn't seem to be impacting the women I know who do it. I also wonder if I did practice through if it would help alleviate some of the problems I've had since I stopped nursing... points to ponder.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 2:51 PM | Comments (2)
April 6, 2004
Verizon Rocks
My husband has worked for AT&T for something like 15 or more years... as such, I've always felt a sorta semi-loyalty to the company that essentially has paid for my lifestyle the duration of my marriage. I didn't, however, so much as blink when I found out that my AT&T contract was up, my phone got tossed into the toilet and I could move to Verizon. FINALLY, my phone works at my house, my phone doesn't drop in all the wierd spots around town... and I have a reasonable deal. It wasn't too much of an arm twisting to spend the extra money per month and sign up for Verizon's wireless Broadband... and today was my first real day with it. I sat on the driveway while The Daughter & The Son played basketball and I connected to my VPN, I worked off our internal SQL server and it was lightening fast... and it was cool... and I was stoked. Can you hear me now?
Moon day for me today... which means, if past ups and downs remain static, no practice for me tomorrow... hopefully all these amino acids and vitamins will make some change and maybe I'll be strong enough and painless enough to go to the Ashtanga Center... that would be cool... otherwise, no practice until Friday night's primary series where I ought to be nice and stiff.....
I apparently burnt my neck at Legoland yesterday.... I've felt the burn all day today though my Native American skin doesn't appear burned (fortunate for me or I'd have heard all day from my husband about the values of SPF 50).
Tonight I noticed that my kids are just growing... it isn't that I don't normally notice this but my little boy seemed like such a BOY today... making jokes, running around, playing ball... my little girl has such an attitude already about clothes and shoes.. it's nearly scary and I heard that this little girl I used to babysit is graduated from college and getting married! Age is catching up with me!
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:12 PM | Comments (1)
April 5, 2004
Legos Legos Legos
I spent the day, along with half of Southern California, at LegoLand. I used to have year passes to Legoland but one day I was nursing The Daughter while The Son played and I looked down to switch sides, looked up and couldn't find my son... I decided it wasn't an environment I was willing to stress out in again until The Daughter was a bit older... and I've just put it off since then. So, since we made plans to go with some friends today, I thought we'd just buy passes... the expense of one trip and the extra makes it seem pointless not to if you live here. I have to say, however, I was thoroughly amazed at the racket this place has going. Not only did I pay to park today ($7 to get into the parking lot), pay our admission ($250 for year passes for the 3 of us) but then the new attractions they've built you have to pay individually for. Reminds me of the Del Mar Fair. The new dinasour (sour!) dig costs $3 for a bucket, brush and shovel!!!!!!!!!!! My kids ending up having the most fun in the water park (and, of course, since I didn't account for that and The Daughter ended up soaked like a wet rag, I had to buy her a shirt and spend even more money).
I walked for 5.5 hours today... chasing two kids, never sitting, ate crappy food... and came home to a huge crunch at work which equals absolutely no yoga time for me today :(
Posted by ashtangagirl at 6:40 PM | Comments (3)
April 4, 2004
Unveiled
I seriously considered giving myself a nice trim on the behind up there... or making my arms look a bit straighter... :) no, really, I did consider it for a second or two.. but, hopefully, I'll come back to this blog the next time I decide to give myself a face lift and I'll have naturally, through the course of my practice, given myself those nice adjustments in real life. The magic of photo editing! I've always used a "facing inward" picture for my blog because, well, it goes with the name... I decided to use a backbend, not because my backbends are particularly lovely, but because in a backbend I feel the most exposed out of any asana there is in the first series. Those feelings likely stem, in part, from my throat issues (both as they relate to my health problems and my little child voice from childhood) and likely because its a very rough asana for me that I'm just starting to figure out. At this point, facing inward is also about being exposed... both on the mat with myself... and in my personal life. By exposing myself, I can further my journey inward.
As for yoga practice....
Friday night I had a pretty good practice. A new face in the room that brought a lot of really wonderful yoga energy.. a beautiful practice that gave all of us the zip to try our best. I can't remember the details of the practice...2 days past and all... some of us went out for drinks afterward and I had a really nice time with some unexpected friendship.
Today's first series class was probably one of the worst practices I've had physically and mentally in a long time. I knew when my daughter woke up in the night that I'd be tired... the combined potty break with the daylight savings time and the new moon coming meant my body was so tight I could barely touch my toes at first. My muscles were weak, I flailed.. there was some comic relief in the class, everyone seemed a bit off as opposed to the more serious concentration we often get in the room.
Hopefully I'll be back on the mark by Tuesday... Wednesday planning for Ashtanga Center again.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 10:25 PM | Comments (4)
April 1, 2004
Title...
I couldn't come up with a witty title because, honestly, I have no idea what I'm about to write. Sometimes I have blog entries saved up, other times I just write about my practice or some issue that I've been dealing with ... today I just felt like making a spur of moment, I have no idea what's about to fall out of my brain entry.
The mailperson kindly delivered to my door this morning the DVDs of Pattabhi Jois in Encinitas with Tim Miller, Maty Ezraty, Richard Freeman, etc. in 1989 leading 3rd and part of 4th series as well as the Word Tour 2000. I've spent most of the day working while having those DVDs playing on my laptop right next to me. I found it very interesting to see how there are body type differences and style differences even with the most advanced practitioners in the country. I also found it interesting that some people chose to practice with Guruji without a mat.. isn't that slippery (we all know I have mat issues anyway!)?
I'm still very much feeling wonderful about my practice last night... A lot of the time I feel like such a newbie at Ashtanga...and I am... and it will be years before I am anything other... but, often, I think my practice just sucks on a physical level or my practices have been filled with monkey mind.. so its really nice to have a feeling that I actually have a decent practice and it appears I know what I'm doing and that I'm just working my way through the system.. practicing and waiting for all to come through it.. more strength, more core, more meditation, more concentration... Practicing at a health club mostly isn't the same environment as a shala and I'm sure that's where a lot of my self-berating comes from.. and that's okay... it's where my life is right now.
Next yoga practice will be tomorrow..at the health club.. full first series with a good teacher... My muscles are pretty tight today from last night but I know they'll rebound. My wrist has been sorta sore for the past couple days and I'm wondering if I should meet with one of the personal trainers who also practices Ashtanga and ask him if weight lifting or some work on some machine would help me strengthen that wrist.
I feel happy to announce that, so far, I've made it through April Fool's Day unscathed...the worst that has happened is that my son professed that he hated Brother Bear (the video that I purchased for them this morning)..only to laugh and say "GOTCHA!" It's so funny to watch your kids explore humor. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard "Knock Knock" Me: "Who's there?" "Cargo" Me: "Cargo, who?" "Cargo Beep Beep" followed by thunderous and extensive screams of delight from both of my offspring. Tonight is The Son's kindergarten open house.. he is very excited and I guess they've been preparing for it... it should be a fun family adventure...
In other Julie World News, my other best friend got married over the weekend... HOORAY for them... I believe that we can now say FREEDOM! and do a little dance for The Daughter is officially potty learned! (I cannot even begin to tell you what a dimension this adds and takes away from one's life as a parent..I meant this is HUGE..this is WAY HUGE...). Now that I'm devoting a bit more time and consciousness to it, marriage is going very well... work is well... the only uphill battle at the moment is my thyroid.
Summer is coming and I've decided to invest in Verizon's Broadband Wireless Interent...this way I can maintain my network connection to work and work from anywhere... I'm thinking park, beach (well sand in the laptop..maybe), sitting in the front yard letting the kids play and getting some great Vit. D.... it's expensive but I think it will be worth it. Now if only they'd get some back in stock!
Last thought for the day...I've been having an inkling to do another blog redesign... Like my hair, I seem to get this inkling every so often... I've got a vision of orange..so don't be surprised if you show up one day and it's looking like the sunset around here :)
Namaste
Posted by ashtangagirl at 4:14 PM | Comments (1)