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March 31, 2004
More Like It
Ah..... now that's more like it. I feel wonderful and relaxed and energized... moreover, I finally made it to an actual class with Tim Miller teaching it. I thought it wasn't going to happen... I had my yoga teacher/babysitter take The Daughter to her cooking class... I made it to a half hour of The Son's baseball game... was just walking across the field to get in my car giving myself precisely the amount of time I needed to get to the Ashtanga Center when I saw these two little girls simply sobbing next to a fence. I approached them.. got down to their level, asked the older of the two what was happening but she was sobbing so greatly I couldn't make out her words. I told her I was there to help her and asked her if she could take some big deep breaths. I was so surprised when she actually did. I said "OK take some big deep breaths like this so I can make our your words, okay..." She told me she couldn't find her mommy..so there I stood... make it to Tim Miller's... help lost children...make it to Tim Miller's... help lost children... mother that I am, I helped the lost children... sent two older boys one direction making them ask all the parents on one side of the park if these were their children..I started walking the other direction with them... they held my hands :) and finally a woman came running up to me... so I ran across the field, across the parking lot, jumped in my car, now sweat has broken and raced to the freeway...which, in classic Southern California 5pm style, was completely bumper to bumper.. jump off, take the coast and make it just in time! I was so very happy.
I got a spot next to the heater... this makes a huge difference for me. Tonight the ground didn't feel as squishy but I still had a hard time with balance, though I ended up stepping off the mat for Ardha Baddha Padma standing. Tonight's practice, whether physically good I can't say, was absolutely one of the top practices I've ever had mentally. I just felt RIGHT. In fact, my first jump through..OMG it wasn't even a THUD (okay the rest of them left something to be desired but that first one!!!).
I thought at first that Tim was staying away from me... I know he doesn't know my practice but about halfway through I noticed him coming around more :) I felt really great that he didn't seem to need to adjust my postures much.. a slight movement here or there but nothing really that said "You have no idea what you are doing." The biggest posture correction he gave me was in Janu Shirasana C... he moved my knee more to a 45 degree angle, I think I had it more at 90... and the difference was pretty much dramatic -- the degree of torque on my knee. I have pretty open knees but I could definitely feel it.... I, of course, bailed over on my side in Garbha Pindasana as I always do... Kiran got my legs crossed, fingers clasped in Supta Kurmasana :) The most lacked place of my practice were my backbends. I just couldn't get as far into them as I would have liked but fortunately Mr. Miller only had us do 3!
I really enjoyed the chanting at the end with Tim's instrument (what is that called?)... It really added just the perfect finishing touch to the practice. I also got to talk to the person I saw the other night again and it was very uplifting... all around a really wonderful night.
So I'll keep this high for awhile and hope that I can maintain it through tomorrow when my hormones drop... I can I can I can.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:40 PM | Comments (2)
Thyroid Patient
I was looking in my archives to see when the last time my thyroid was whacked... a pretty cool thing about blogging for years is that you have this nice record of your life... The last time I recorded whacked thyroid was back in 2002. Been a couple years.... this time, however, is pretty hellacious and let me tell you why I am so down, as Jolene noticed, about it.
Before The Husband & I were married I suffered from debilating headaches... they'd last for days... I have digestive problems -- I'd eat and feel like I was going to puke. I gained so much weight it was visible to everyone... I was basically a bump...
I went to doctor after doctor. One doctor actually wrote me a prescription for ulcer medication, cutting me off after I described my digestive problems... I knew better and never filled that perspcription. The next doctor told me I was depressed. The next doctor told me that I was depressed and simply having "female" problems..this was after he was highly recommended to me and I submitted myself to every freaking test imaginable and paid thousands of dollars... I ended up with a, and I'm not kidding, a prescription on the doctor's prescription pad for The Husband to rub my back... 'cause it was all in my head.
I suffered like this for a long period of time, finished my BS degree in Computer Science, Summa Cum Laude like this, got married like this... went on our honeymoon and the last day got incredibly ill... (fortunately it was the last day). When I got home I noticed that I had this wierd red line going from my back wrapping around my body... everyday the line grew a bit longer. I had only ever seen something like that when I watched the line of poison after my dad got bit by a sea anonome (you'd think I'd know how to spell this after seeing Nemo so many times). I rushed to the doctor... obviously with my bad doctors I asked someone I knew for a referral and went to this doctor that she swore was "the absolute best..but he doesn't take most insurance." I went, he did a thorough examination... he brought me in his office and was chuckling.. as it turns out my exaggerated story of poison and perhaps a spider from Jamaica turned into the chicken pox (or, rather, shingles) and he sent me home with something for the pain.... but a few days later he called me up on the phone... he told me that for every new patient he does a complete blood panel and did I know that I was severely hypothyroid... he wanted to start me immediately on thyroid medication... and lo and behold, all those symptoms I'd suffered through for years went away.
Over the past 10 years I've stayed with this doctor. I love him. He's totally NOT the type of doctor one would expect me to go. He's allopathic all the way. He thinks I'm a little crazy... but he's also the only doctor I know who actually GIVES A SHIT about the patient. When I was pregnant with The Son, I knew I would need to have my thyroid routinely checked so, since my doctor didn't take insurance and I knew that while I could afford the once a year blood tests, I certainly couldn't afford them every other month, I tried the endocronologist recommended by my OB/GYN... my thyroid instantly plummeted on her recommendations and I begged my doctor to take me back :) Can you believe that this man, as caring as he is, saw me my ENTIRE pregnancy with The Son for nothing! Yes, my OB/GYN did the blood tests and we simply faxed him the results.
When I was pregnant with The Daughter the same situation occurred except this time I was having a homebirth. I mentioned my doctor is very allopathic and he was not at all comfortable with the idea of a homebirth. I went to a regular OB/GYN to get my blood taken for the referral to a doctor I could afford through our health care plan and, same thing... immediately it becomes about the number on paper and no matter how many times I've said that for 10 years I've had to be in the lower range of normal, they don't care. If I can get right there to the upper number they think is normal they give a shit less about my symptoms and refuse to change my medication. My doctor to the rescue, yet again, let me get my blood tests elsewhere and I'd simply pay him for an office visit so review the results... this solved the 24 weeks of severe morning sickness I suffered with The Daughter... if you ever read my pregnancy journal, you'd see I KNEW it was my thyroid.. it just took getting a doctor to listen to me.
So, after being stablized past The Daughter's birth, getting my moon back and nursing... and paying for all of that (it costs a FORTUNE for the blood tests)... here I am back to the inability to pay for all those tests..... So, again, I go to now my HMOs primary care doctor who immediately tells me that none of my symptoms could POSSIBLY be my thyroid, that I'm stressed and depressed and here take these muscle relaxers... which I know won't work but I try anyway. He gets my results back and says "Oh geez, I don't even know what to do with these numbers... you must go to an endo..." Go to the endo and I'm in the room 5 seconds before she sees I have a paper in my hand and says "Those sites you read on the Interent are incorrect..." she didn't even ASK me if I got it off the Internet. I informed her that, in this particular case, the information was from a book by a board certified endo..but it didn't matter to her... you see she didn't want me to have any opinion about my own health but to let her lead me where she wanted me to go... After going round with her for awhile I point blank asked her "Are you saying that no matter what I tell you I feel like, all that matters is the number on paper?" She said yes. I said "Does that mean if you get me to high normal that's all you will do?" She said yes.
And this is the battle I face.... finding someone that I can afford that will also treat me like a person. I don't think people who haven't suffered from hypothyroidism have any idea what it's like to suffer from this disease. Waiting 6 weeks for another blood test to see if taking my medication at a different time will make a difference is pure and literal HELL. It affects every aspect of my being... but all that matters is the number on the paper.
When I told my primary care doctor what happened he let me make an appointment with the only other endo that the entire Sharp Healthcare Community has available...hopefully he'll be better... Otherwise, I can only pray that I can convince my primary care doctor to order the tests for me and let me take them to my good doctor (and that he'll continue to be open to doing that for me -- I think I owe him a basketball team by now).
I'm not enjoying my own whining or how down in the dumps I've been... I know that not all doctors are like this but it is so frustrating to sift through looking for that needle in the haystack. I don't envy doctors having to work with HMOs (which is why the good doctor I have doesn't do it)... it sucks... something has to change so that we patients can be patients... and not numbers.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 11:40 AM | Comments (1)
March 30, 2004
Body Habits
Do you think people have different bodies that affect their practice? I've been having this pain in my sternum... sometimes that spot "pops" but only every now and again..I've been feeling like it needs to pop. My instructor told me that perhaps I'm having this pain because my shoulders aren't back in chatarunga... I've just tried on my mat here next to me to get my shoulders back and, you know, I just can't fathom how to get them back further than they are... I see in the mirror that my shoulders round..my shoulders round even when I'm standing perfectly straight...either its natural or due to the fact that I spent 12 years swimming competitively. It also could be that I'm simply not at the level of practice to get them more back. I asked my other teacher on the phone today if my chatarunga totally sucked...she said it didn't but that I go too low and said that most beginners do that until they have the strength (I of course do not) to keep level..... but she didn't say she's ever noticed over rounding in my shoulders... I'm going to try not to overly focus on it... otherwise I'll lose my concentration...
Posted by ashtangagirl at 8:44 PM | Comments (1)
Hormonal Imbalance
I've debated whether I should post anything here... I wonder if people I didn't realize were reading, in fact, are... I've always maintained this is my space. It was a long time before I let the URL slip to anyone that I knew in real life... and longer before I let it slip out to people I didn't personally hand it out to. We've all heard the horror stories of bosses, husbands, relatives finding a blog and the blogger feeling the impact of things they might not have said face to face. I don't often post in haste or post in anger or post in, uh, gossip, I guess. I haven't read through my archives to see if I have anything to hide... and I won't... this is me... and I've always been a very open person. I'll continue to be. So, if I don't know you are reading and you are and I've personally offended you, just talk to me about it... I'm really open that way, I hope.
Last night, for the first time since I began practicing yoga, I walked out of a yoga class. I don't quite know what happened... I know the events that led up to my leaving and I know my frame of mind when I left. I know I've been emotionally unbalanced lately due to the under achieving hormones I have and those I don't have swarming my body.... what was a little better for a few days on the "regime" is slowly going right back to where it was two weeks ago -- I can barely rise myself during the day regardless of how much sleep I go, I can barely feel awake during the day, I can't concentrate, I have extreme muscle weakness, digestive problems, a dull headache that lasts and lasts... and my emotional stability is kaput entirely. 5 more weeks until I can test my thyroid again and hope the new "specialist" will actually listen to me as a person instead of relying solely on the numbers. So, I own up to not being myself and perhaps being a little uber-sensitive... but that isn't really why I up and left.... I left because the tension in the air was a mountain I couldn't get past. With an open mind, I would have blown it off... with a foggy mind, I just decided to drive the half mile to my house, turn on my little heater and finish the practice in my own space with my own energy and no one else's. A student, you ask? No. Do I know why? I have my intuitions and hunches... I won't go any further... it serves no purpose... We'll see what the coming days bring as far as clarity and purpose.
Hoping to make it to Tim Miller's class again tomorrow... it was my goal. But this is how life turns... The Son has a baseball game at 4:30, The Daughter a cooking class until 5:30... don't see how one parent can be in both places at the same time...so I'll see if maybe a friend can take one home... whip myself with the guilt trip of missing a baseball game and not just a practice... feel my muscles cave anyway and wonder what I'm doing....
Today was my first day ever taking my daughter out for a whole season wardrobe. Up to now we've had hand me downs and only needed to purchase the few things that a) were just too cute to pass up or b) things like socks or cheap tshirts. It was really fun... an hour at Old Navy and she's all set... she's in 7th heaven... skirts, frilly shirts... she REALLY wanted the purple jellies but they didn't make them in her size :(
I'm thinking of doing a 3 day juice fast soon....... I wanted to go to The Springs in Palm Springs and do it just so I could get out of the hectic day to day life but that probably isn't going to happen..... I think I need to buy a juice first though :)
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:26 PM | Comments (5)
March 28, 2004
Lifestyle
I know that a majority of my readers are likely moms (or dads) that understand when I say I can barely find time for my practice in a week. I also know that I have a few readers who are ashtangis... some perhaps that even practice 6 days a week, that practice with Guruji directly and/or that have dedicated their lives to their practice. It's remarkable to me really. I keep wondering what type of lives these people have. Is there anyone with two small children (at least one child still under the age of 5) who is able to maintain this type of practice? Is there anyone with two kids and two full-time jobs in the household able to maintain the devotion in their practice? So often I find myself beating myself up for the times I could have practice and chosen not to. For example, today I had the opportunity to take the afternoon and practice. I had planned on it...but then the sun was out, the kids were begging to play, we haven't had a real family day in so long... so I went outside for a few minutes to be with my family and one thing then another and four neighbors were hanging in our yard, we all had our chairs out, someone brought some wine I hemmed and hawed, then we decided on family dinner on the driveway night... the kids were ecstatic (imagine being 6 and 3 and eating in the driveway with all your favorite people AFTER the sun goes down)... and, of course, I gave up my practice for that...for this... Then I tally up how many times I've gone this week and feel like the uber-wanna-be for not practicing more. I know this is realistic... but I still wonder about all those people able to pull it off.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 7:43 PM | Comments (5)
March 27, 2004
Finding The Thread of Good
This morning I tried to do my own practice here in my little room.... it was not a good practice or even a whole practice. I couldn't touch my toes... my muscles lacked strength... my first few sun sals were horrible and I gave up, left the room... then thought "This is not hard, I practice all the time, I used to practice 2x a week without a teacher, what is holding me back..." Back into the room, some breathing, some research stretching... a few could sun sals... moved through the first couple standing postures and just nearly collapsed... muscle weakness, lack of concentration... This is the story of my health as of late... blood sugar was seriously depleted... I ate a bit, took my vitamins and instantly felt better... makes me wonder how I'll ever have a morning practice. Does one just get used to not eating until 10am? Blood sugar imbalances are touch for hypothyroid people to manage and since my medication is already off, it's feasible this morning was just a really bad hypo morning but I'm about sick of my own excuses. If I can't make a class tomorrow, I've promised myself a solo practice tomorrow evening... I really want to get back to the 5-6x per week practice I had before my health took a nose dive.
Posted by ashtangagirl at 3:12 PM
March 26, 2004
You Can't Be On Your Toes...
Wednesday night I finally got to make it to one of Tim Miller's classes... of course, Tim, himself, wasn't actually there but I really like the guy who takes his place and there were a bunch of people that I actually knew there. With one of my teachers and OKGR across the room from me I figured I could watch some good yoga if I could manage it.... but then someone came in, though they were down the room, and I knew that I would want to stay super focused... not for me, but for them... to give them their space and to focus my energy on me so that none of it reached their mat if (and I wasn't sure) they would be affected by it. As a result, I was pretty focused... I really only saw other people doing things out of the corner of my eye in twisting poses and, of course, when we were facing each other (like Kukkutasana)...
As for my practice, I immediately noticed a difference in the flooring. I normally practice on hardwood while the Ashtanga Center is carpeting. My mat feels spongy and thick there. Of course, this also makes for softer landings which, in my case, is a VERY good thing :) Something I noticed is that I am almost always, if I get adjusted, adjusted in Parivrtta Trikonasana. I haven't figured out if this is because I can be taken deeper into it or if I'm simply just screwing it up. Regardless, when the instructor came over to adjust me, my balance was screwy... I felt like my mat was a sponge board instead of solid and I had problems on the first side keeping my balance as he pulled my twist. He made a comment that he wouldn't let me go... I never know whether to explain or not what my problem is... it wasn't the adjustment, that was great, it was that I couldn't find my balance. On the second side, I was prepared for the adjustment and so was able to hold my balance much better. I struggled in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana to hold my balance for the same reason... I was remember some post I had read that day on the Ashtanga board about holding your bandha in this pose and I really tried to let it make the difference but I still felt that sponge... I guess you get used to that floor after you practice there regularly. Things were going well until the instructor called attention to my dirshti in Utkatasana. I've been really struggling with the dirshti here and in the warrior sequence. My throat locks up if I look all the way up and I can't breathe! AHA she says..the thyroid is in the throat and I bet these things are all related. The wierdest thing is that on the second side of Virabhadrasana I I can achieve the dirshti just fine...on the first side I cannot. Sometime back I did a yoga therapy session where the therapist told me that I was holding "stuff" in my throat. I wish I could remember which side she said was male and female indicating because I bet that would be explanatory for the throat constriction when they are balanced and one side of warrior only. As for the rest of practice... most of the sitting postures were good for me, I was only able to jump through halfway through the series.... I needed serious help rolling in Garbha Pindasana and I just can't seem to figure out how to roll and turn..I can roll, I just can't turn and roll. If someone is helping me roll, I need them to stop before the last one because, with help, I struggle to find balance in Kukkutasana, on my own, I don't have that problem. This is one pose that I really love.. I have no idea if I look like I'm doing it right but it feels really good for me and I think my ego likes it because I can actually hold my body weight for more than 5 breaths in this pose. When we got to backbends, I decided not to use the wall because I didn't know if that was kosher at the Ashtanga Center :) (of course, now I read OKGR that he used the wall that same night :>) so when the instructor came over to help me up, he asked me to walk my hands to my feet. Well, I can't. I can walk my feet to my hands just fine but I really struggle to walk my hands to my feet...especially at the Ashtanga Center because by backbends my mat is too slimy and I need to use my blanket. If I try to walk my hands, the very thin blanket moves with me :) Anyway, he didn't let me get away with that so I walked my hands but my heels came up, he didn't notice this and when he initiated the lift, I hand no strength to push through my thighs since my heels weren't on the floor... my entire back cracked up its length. It actually felt really good and people laughed but I felt like dead weight in his hands.
Last night we went to dinner at Roys. Both The Husband & I really like Roys... we were given $150 to blow at dinner for The Husband's achievement award at work... we usually hate chain restaurants and would choose some other cool little restaurant but, the more we thought about it, the more we were inclined to head to Roys for some seafood... Lo and Behold, Randall Graham of Bonny Doon has made a wine exclusively for Roys... Clois Du Roy -- a Syrah, Grenache blend that was fantastic. I wish I could buy it actually because not only did I thoroughly enjoy it but The Husband actually drank half a bottle (very rare for him).
Posted by ashtangagirl at 12:23 PM | Comments (3)
March 22, 2004
Dropping Back...
Tonight's practice started off a bit off kilter because my teacher asked me to move places with someone new to yoga in the class placing me right next to the mirror. I don't like being next to the mirror and not because I find myself staring in vanity but because I find it hard to concentrate when I can see movement of other people, topples in balancing poses, my own shakiness... I realize the dirshti should take care of this but I guess I haven't mastered cutting out the peripheal vision yet. Though it started off a bit off kilter, once I got into the zone I found I was able to really breathe tonight... surprising since I still feel basically like shit and am now fairly convinced (along with the impression of my doctor) that my body isn't converting T4 anymore and I'll likely have to go on a T3 hormone. Things were going good... I even got the coveted "Good job Julie" in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana (happens to be one of the asanas that this particular teacher is rather tenacious about). I could feel my leg stretching up pretty high... and I love that stretch. We also did Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana which we don't normally do in this prep class but it was GOOOD... really good.. nose to shin, nice stretch and then I did something I read in a book yesterday, I sorta pressed as hard as I could, my lotus leg into my stomach trying to stimulate whatever it was I've forgotten now and it felt REALLY good.. in fact, I could have stayed there for awhile... but alas... time to move on...
Sitting was good... jump throughs were even a little bit more quiet tonight... aha, she says, part of the key is actually engaging your bandhas in the air... but my favorite part... favorite part... ah those backbends... on my first get up off the wall (I know KIRAN..turn your head) I screwed up and twisted... so I decided to punish myself ;) and get down off the wall.. and you know what? I did it and it was easy... I don't know what's been stopping me from doing that all this time... now, if I could find that ease without the wall... I mean, I even let go at the end to put both hands down and I did it quietly... So I feel like I had a relatively good practice.. in fact, tonight I noticed that my Pindasana felt really great.. totally straight, knees as far down as they could go... oh and that stretch!!!!!!!!!
Namaste.
Posted by shanti at 9:18 PM
March 21, 2004
Officially Ill
Life has been such a drag lately as my health has suffered over the past months. I'm finally realizing just what is going on with me... my thyroid meds are off... and I think they must be way off. The doctor called on Thursday with my test results... way messed up but so messed up that he can't even interpret what he should do with me so I have to go see a specialist. Hopefully this person can interpret the results and up my medication so the constant headache, digestive problems, weight gain, fatigue, mental fogginess and lack of muscle strength will finally go away and I get back to regular life which includes a regular yoga practice. What is bugging me, however, is why, suddenly, my thyroid would freak again. I've been on the same medication level now for two years. In the past 10 years the only time my medication has fluctuated was when I was pregnant... and, no, I'm not pregnant and I did check even though The Husband is fixed and I had my moon this month.
Parenting has been a humbling road lately... though I've had more patience, the 6 year old itis is full in our house and requiring more patience than I sometimes have. Truthfully, I know when my son says that he hates me and I'm mean that he doesn't mean it...but it gets hard to redirect, to parent positively and easier to understand "Because I said so" when everything you reason is met with "It's not fair." Yesterday while getting the Spring Fairy baskets together I noticed a book in the bookstore, Buddhism for Mothers... and it looked interesting so I bought it. This morning (after being awoke at 5:30 the morning after a big huge wine party and hunting for the fairy eggs and the fairy baskets) I was opening the front of the book when I noticed a pamphlet inside it.... The Tycoon. Obviously, someone has gone through the Buddhist section at Barnes & Noble and inserted this lovely propaganda in an effort to convince those of us who are non-Christian that we're going to die and go to hell. It might have been more convincing to someone shopping for their spirituality (I'm not) if they had someone on staff over there at Chick who actually knows anything about Buddhism because clearly they do not. It never ceases to amaze me that so many Christians believe they must repress other religions... I understand they believe I'm going to hell and that's okay with me... just don't preach to me about it and don't leave scare tactics in my literature. Christianity seems filled with so much hate and anger that it's hard to remember it is a practice based on the love of Jesus.
Posted by shanti at 10:05 AM | Comments (1)
March 15, 2004
I can see the floor...
I spent Saturday with a room full of people at the Ashtanga Center and Krishna Das. I really enjoyed the "workshop" and the fact that he did a lot of talking about his path and journey. One of the things I really needed to hear was a little reminder that not everyone has a constant urging to search, a longing for something more, a void to fill... that some people, like my husband, are perfectly content to wake up with a wife, two kids, a house and a job...they want for nothing more. Sometimes I think that must be an incredible way to feel... I doubt I will ever know that experience.
Sunday I took The Daughter to the First Annual Family Day at The Chopra Center. We listened to Krishna Das and watched the people dancing with their spirit, we played the games but most fun was the hour of Kids Yoga we did. The Daughter did great and seemed to really enjoy it -- I wish I could find a kids yoga class for her (and her age) but, alas, there doesn't seem to be any.
I had a relatively good practice last Friday considering I still had the migraine... Michelle is back from her trip and teaching again... small class, lots of adjustments... head to floor, flat back in Baddha Konasana ... butt seems to rise off the floor a bit but I was, for the first time, successful in getting flat there too with my own breath.
Tonight I had a fairly decent practice giving that, 3 days later, the headache still pounds... it is slightly better but still there... my balance is completely off due to it. My arms were tired tonight (I think the muscle relaxer is affecting my strength which, uh, duh, makes sense) but I felt fairly bendy. I was playing with my drop backs (which are nonexistent) and I'm *soooo* close. I can see the floor, palms in Namaste... but I can't seem to get from there to my arms over head and dropping down... It must be fear..because there it is..the floor, I can see it... I can even get my hands back on a wall and get halfway down then I just freeze. What terrors do I have stored up in there I wonder!? Today was a completely off day for inversions. I, for whatever reason, just couldn't find a center or balance (likely also head related). Was hoping to make Ashtanga Center this week but the schedule is wrong on the website and Tim teaches Wednesdays not Tuesdays -- Wednesdays are my hard days for freedom.
Doctor told me if my headache wasn't gone by end of the week I'd have to go see someone... what could a 10 day lasting headache be indicative of?????
Posted by shanti at 9:17 PM | Comments (1)
March 12, 2004
Yoga With a Migraine
For whatever reason I haven't figured out (yet), I've been so unhealthy this year. I've mentioned it before and it's held me back so many times. It was with some surprise however that one of my gnarly migraine-like (technically they are not classified as migraines) headaches started on Tuesday. I wake up with it, I go to bed with it, I am in pain with it. After putting a few things together, The Husband and I started thinking maybe my thyroid meds are off -- I've gained 7 pounds in the past one month which is NOT like me, I'm tired all the time and now here come the headaches. These are classic symptoms for me. Last night, however, I decided I could not skip yoga again and so I chose to go to a hot studio and practice even with the horrible headache.
I felt really good through Sun As and Bs. I was surprised to notice such a huge difference in the sound of my practice with carpet underneath me instead of hardwood. My jumpbacks not only felt better but sounded almost quiet. The first thing I noticed about my practice was how much difficulty I was having balancing... This was likely caused both by the headache and by the fact that I'm used to hardwood for a practice floor. I could barely hold my own in Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana. Once we got to the floor I felt more stable and jammed through the first set of seated postures, vinyasas between sides, good feeling when I extended my legs back and a fairly less noisy jump through (though I still thud quite a bit coming down). By backbends, however, my head was not liking the experience anymore... I still enjoyed the backbending... my teacher helped me get up as far as I could, arms straight, pushing through my hips but I still can't bring myself to find that umph to lift off... I can do it no problem against a wall now (Kiran is shaking her head no no no :>) but I can't quite figure out how to push forward enough to get off without the wall. Someday someday.... We ended last night's practice with an extra long meditation which was something nice for me that I don' tnormally get at the health club.
Tonight is the traditional first series -- supposedly one of the best teachers is back from her vacation tonight. I went to the doctor today and got medicine... I'm putting off taking the serious muscle relaxant until after yoga but I don't know if I'll be able to push through an entire first series class with my head as it feels right now... what I do know is I'm going to try to find a way with the pain on the mat tonight... and if I have to roll it up and leave then I'll embrace that effort too.
Tomorrow is the Krishna Das workshop at the Ashtanga Center... I am praying that my head isn't this bad then... that a night of prescription strength Iburpofen and muscle relaxants will help me... I'd really like to enjoy the workshop not just muddle through it.
Posted by shanti at 4:55 PM
March 10, 2004
Balancing In
Tonight I skipped yoga... it's all gotten so hard lately... not yoga, just the balancing act that I call my life. For the past 6 months or so, it has been so hard to be consistent in my yoga practice. I always make Mondays, I always make Fridays and I nearly always make Sundays but I have a hard time T-TH finding a time to practice. I should be grateful that I can usually make 2 days if not 3 but, instead, I feel sad about the leg I've removed from my practice.... tonight I skipped yoga not because I didn't have the time but because I felt I had a choice...my soul was yearning to spend some quality time with my family and I chose to that instead... and I'm so glad I did. I've read until my voice is hoarse... I've rubbed my 6 year olds back until he's in near bliss... I've coddled and listened to every word (and believe me there are many) my 3 year old had to say... now if only I could find 4 more hours to everyday.
Posted by shanti at 8:29 PM
March 7, 2004
Yoga With a Hangover
I keep reading and hearing that someday... someday... I'll likely give up all my vices for my yoga practice. The first hurdle on that race is likely that I first have to see the vices. Believe me, I know I have plenty of vices... what I mean, rather, is actually viewing something I do as a vice. You know, like imbibing with wine. Now, I don't see it as a vice nor do I feel that not seeing it as a vice is a bad thing... what I have noticed over the past 6 months or so is that I will frequently pass up that second glass of wine in favor of a yoga practice the next day. Given that I hope, at some point when my kids are older, I will be able to practice daily... I realize that wine will, at that point, become a vice.
But for today, wine is something that I love... and Saturday night my husband and I went out to dinner and a wine bar for our anniversary. The wine bar was great -- a new little place in Hillcrest specializing in over 80 rated wines under $20. We had a wonderful tasting of reds for just $15. After the wine bar, we went to our annual anniversary dinner at California Cuisine (our first dinner as a married couple 9 years ago was at California Cuisine so every year we go back).
So, with the wine last night, I awoke this morning with a nice little headache. I normally do not drink enough to give myself a headache but I made the phenomenal mistake of having no water and then sitting in our extra-hot jacuzzi after we got home... hence it really wasn't a hangover...more a dehydration headache.
With a package of amnio acids dissolved in water, I headed to Kiran's last (*SOB*) primary series class. Fortunately for me, we were short on time and therefore shorter on the Sun Salutations than normal... a little faster with our pace.. making it much easier than it might have been. I still became tired after getting to the floor... I still can't make jump throughs through a whole practice yet ... and they make me so tired that Marichyasana B, I have to stop jumping all the way through. Today Kiran mentioned my seemingly inability to keep my hands all the way flat... the issue for me is that when I put all my weight into my hands keeping my hands flat, my elbows immediately and very grandly hyperextend thus making me weak and unable to hold my body weight (this is my biggest problem with trying to learn to jump with two feet into a handstand instead of using momentum and kicking up). Funnily, I can actually hold my body weight, with my hands flat in Kukkutasana because having my arms threaded for Garbha Pindasana gives me that stability in my elbows to do it right. Some people struggle with flexibility in their practices... my struggles will always be strength and hyperextension. Sometimes I feel so frustrated about it and, other times, I feel very content to just be struggling along with a not-too-terribly-sucky first series practice forever.
I was quite happy, however, that I was able to get my shoulders all the way under my knees for Kurmasana (though I can't straighten all the way or lift my feet)... and, with Kiran's help, was able to get a grasp and my feet pretty darned close to over my head in Supta Kurmasana.
It was brought to my attention recently that my Sirasana is, in truth, wrong. I cradle my head but I don't come all the way up onto my crown. I've tried a few times but it seems this puts some sorta torque on my bad wrist and it becomes very painful. If I just slightly balance my head on the edge of my hands, it takes that pressure off and I never feel my wrist. I guess I should stop doing it really... sometimes you wonder if these little modifications we do for our bodies are absolute no-nos or just learning crutches or just really freaking bad habits. The good news with Urdhva Dandasana is that, provided I don't spend too long up the first stretch, I can now tilt enough to see my feet and actually count to 2 or 3 (not breaths..just counting)... a little progression but progress nonetheless!
The rest of the day was spent simply enjoying the good life that San Diego allows us to have. It was an absolutely PERFECT and amazing sunny Summer type of day here. We went to the pool, we sat in the sun... we played outside... days like today are the absolute REASON why we spend so much money just to live here... you can't help but feel everything is right in YOUR world when the sun is shinging down giving you all those good vitamins!
Posted by shanti at 8:48 PM | Comments (1)
March 4, 2004
9 Years Down
Today is my 9th Wedding Anniversary...
9 years have had their ups and their downs... held amazing changes personally, as a marriage, spiritually, as a family. Strangely enough, The Husband lost his wedding ring yesterday....
I always thought this picture conveyed our emotional bond.. it still does...
Posted by shanti at 9:18 AM | Comments (5)