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February 28, 2004
6 & 3...
It's gone so fast... I'm the mother of a six year old. SIX. Six years ago (well a couple weeks ago), I gave birth to the person that would lead my soul down the path of awakening, down the path of finding what truly rocks my world and would be the greatest teacher I've ever known. You can read that entire story here. Birthed in a hospital to Tchaikowsky, my son was the beginning of what my life is today.
3 years ago, 3 years ago my life changed. With my daughter's birth (warning, the video that that link links to is quite small but still video and has nudity) my soul was given a window that didn't before exist. Her teaching is so different than my son's. While he teaches me about selflessness and patience and love, she teaches me about intensity and the drama of the soul.. and the will to be individual. Her birth and the 3 years past have given me my woman-hood in more ways than I can count. They've given me lessons in sleeplessness, anger, passion and service than teacher could ever provide.
Today we celebrated those births... For the first time I hired entertainers and, I have to say, it was great. The kids were fully entertained, the entertainers from San Diego Party Pals did an absolutely fantastic job (so much so that they even convinced my husband that the money was well worth it). What a joy!
In yoga news (yes, I know you yogis probably could care less about the family stuff but, you know, this blog was not always about yoga)... I finally had a "real" practice this past friday with the lovely Kiran. Though half way through I literally choked back bile (I finally figured out that the antibiotics are making me feel sick to my stomach), I did manage to make it through practice and, unless Kiran says otherwise, I didn't *totally* suck. One of the things I noticed about my yoga writings is that it is almost always about feeling for me. I look at OKGR's blog sometimes (too lazy to link it) and I wish I could write about all the physical aspects of my practice but I don't notice those like I notice the feeling aspect of my practice and so I often, when writing about my practice, feel like a complete loser. I read in this month's yoga journal some article that stated that everyone should keep a daily journal of their emotional state during practice everyday... I'm thinking that I've reached a place in my practice that just might be causing an emotional block. I think I have an inkling of where I "store" my childhood traumas and I think I'm close to it. I am without doubt that the fear of dropping back (and I'm so close to the ground) and coming up is related to it... I can feel it....
Posted by shanti at 7:52 PM | Comments (1)
February 26, 2004
What Happens To Stale Yoga Mats.
What happens to your yoga mat when it's been rolled up too long? It makes a nice chair for your 3 year old...
the only picture I could get of The Son (can you tell I just got a new camera?)
simply because it is the most adorable picture ever... The Daughter turned 3 this week and, with age, comes opportunity... she started dance classes (ballet and tap) at North County Dance Arts and, if this expression doesn't show it, she absolutely LOVES IT.
Posted by shanti at 8:39 PM | Comments (3)
February 24, 2004
Between the Moon and...
Sometimes you hear the lyrics of some song and they simply encompass an entire period of your life.... It's almost sad in a way... and, in a way, the walk down memory lane that it brings is beautiful because, well, it can't last more than a few minutes before you remember the present...
i hated to pop the bubble
of me and you
but it only held enough oxygen
for a trip or two
to the moon and back again
And, by the way, the new Ani DiFranco CD rocks.
Posted by shanti at 11:59 AM | Comments (1)
Failure
I've had this niggling idea that what I should do with my practice is get up early in the morning (which would be, uh, unheard of for me...I get my best sleep between 6 and 8) and practice here at least 2 days a week. Try to do at least 1 day a week as the Ashtanga week and do the Fri/Sun Primary Series at the club.... so how did my first day go...
Rather horrid. Though I was able to heat my room, the first jump back was painful and as soon as my daughter heard me, she was in the room running around, underneath... so in other words, it's just impossible unless I'm going to get up at 4am.
Posted by shanti at 8:01 AM | Comments (5)
February 23, 2004
Namaste
I haven't been able to DO yoga lately but the antibiotics are finally kicking in and I think I'm going to get up in the morning and do my own practice here in my little room. Wednesday I'll try maybe going to Tim Miller's if it feels like I have any strength at all to get through it..the antibiotics make me feel sorta sick to my stomach so...
While I'm not doing yoga, I've graced my new office with this --- my very first piece of art. What do you think? (BTW the artists website is here -- I heard she's going to do a whole yoga line soon.
Posted by shanti at 8:52 PM | Comments (3)
February 20, 2004
6 Years
For whatever reason, my body is depleted this year. It's always been with some sense of pride, a lot of cockiness and pity that my husband has always been "sicker" than me. If somethings going around, he gets it. He grew up on a cocktail of antibiotics and has gone so far as to have sinus surgery. Sometimes I even viewed his health with disgust... and now karma comes in. Though I've lived 34 years without very little health problems, very few caught viruses, very little immune boosting periods, this year has hit me like a ton of bricks and the joke's on me. I swear I have caught everything that has come within 5 feet of my body and I'm sick of being sick! I've been sick for 4 weeks now. That's four weeks of little to no yoga, a splitting headache, congestion... nothing has helped and today I finally succumbed to the lure of antibiotics and got a prescription. Goddess help me that I start feeling better tomorrow.
We spent this past week up at Mammoth Mountain. It's an annual trip that we make and it coincides with many of the school district's "ski weeks" so usually my BIL and SIL are up there with our nephew and niece. The kids, myself and many times my niece spend our days building snowmen, sledding or just playing in the snow (The Daughter's favorite is to actually just lay her body down and eat it as if it is a giant dog bowl) while The Husband and Wes board down whatever slope, Super Pipe, whatever they can find. It was a good week minus the fact that The Son & I are both sick and on Wednesday my little boy turned a big 6 YEARS OLD! It's hard to believe that 6 years ago I became a mother, a woman in so many respects that I wasn't before and turned this chapter into the chaos that my life has become. It has ups and it has downs but I wouldn't be me without these experiences and this teacher that parenting has become.
On Thursday The Son & I took a private lesson together... his first time on a snowboard... my first time in many, many years. It was awesome. By the end of the first run The Son was standing up. He did have a hard time stopping but the instructor said many 5-6 year olds simply don't have the ankle strength to lift the board yet. As for myself, I was pleasantly surprised that I wasn't completely incapable of getting down the mountain.. in fact, I was even able to get up "the right way" (as opposed to having to get onto my hands and knees to pull myself up) and, of course, I attribute the increase in center strenght & awareness and balance to yoga. After the instructor had to leave, The Son & I went back to the top of the lift for another run down... started out shakey... I couldn't get him off and he fell. Of course, they stopped the lift to keep the chair from hitting him but he got a bit scared. Without the instructor things were a little more sketchy... since I barely know what I'm doing and The Son needed some help, we eventually just separated and The Son assumed this crouch position that allowed him a lot of freedom getting down the mountain. I encouraged him to stand but soon found out it was helping him figure it out... by halfway down he was standing up on his own and going aways before the speed freaked him out and he sat on his butt to stop.
Given the fact that my head is about to explode, I skipped yoga yet again today... I did practice in Mammoth though... drove 7 hours (yes, I drove the whole way because I hate The Husband's driving and yes, I realize it is only a 6 hour drive but I was on the phone right around Victorville and sure enough I missed the exit for 395 and, of course, didn't realize it until we were 10 miles from Barstow so we took a little detour through the 58).. got out of the car, put my yoga clothes on and left... I go to Tadasan Yogawhile I'm there... I practiced with Dagmar on Monday night... about halfway through the practice I started wondering just WHAT I was thinking... I had a terrible altitude headache and began to feel sick to my stomach. By savasana I was willing myself not to puke right then and there (but, dammmit, I made it through my practice!). By the next day I was feeling fine in the altitude but my growing sinus infection was so bad that I decided to skip the High Altitude 2nd Series Improv class and have birthday cake with my 6 year old!
Posted by shanti at 7:20 PM
February 12, 2004
Degrees of Suckiness
I practiced last night FINALLY. Fortunately Kiran was teaching which always makes for a better class. Still sick and feeling weak and tired, I didn't expect to have as well of a practice as I actually did. It's all about the degrees within which my pratice sucks :) Though that's a harsh word, I haven't felt lately like my practice (or non-existent one) has been beautiful or smooth (not that it necessarily ever was but you know what I mean)... I haven't even felt like I'm making leaps and bounds... but last night when Kiran was having me demonstrate supta kurmasana I actually got my fingers glasped together. After class I asked Kiran to demonstrate getting your leg behind your head and, you know what, I can basically get it there on my left side but can't keep it there. There is some (and one of the guys in the class had the word for it) tendon that runs down my leg that feels like it gets twisted. It doesn't "hurt" but rather feels like a guitar string that has been turned the wrong direction. Also a first for me last night was getting my chest to the ground in Urdhva Upavishta Konasana for a split second, coming up for a second, going back down.. I couldn't hold it there comfortably but I did feel my chest against the ground which was a cool feeling. One of the surprising asanas for me lately has been Baddha Konasana -- the surprise is the testimony to a good adjustment. I never fully struggled in this asana but I was never able to forward bend too far either. One time at the Ashtanga Center, Rich put his knees on mine and put his body weight over me. While I wanted to cry uncle, I realized what was actually happening was my hips were pushing back while I was able to forward bend, chin to ground. Ever since then I've been practicing that... I find I have to sorta shift my body weight forward a bit, then relax back, spread my feet and forward bend. If I do it this way, I can get my chin to the ground on my own... but having an adjustment in this asana is one of my favorites -- it always shows me my edge. With Kiran adjusting me in it last night I realized the edge for me isn't necessarily in my hips but in my ability to stay focused and straight through it.
Kiran threw in some second series postures before the closing sequence last night. We did Shalabhasana A & B -- In both those asanas I feel like my chest should be further off the ground than it is but they clinch my lower back. Dhanurasana I enjoy. Ushtrasana is a nice back bend for me... even though I never get to do it.
Though I am glad I practiced last night... I definitely feel the worse for it this morning. I don't feel as good as I did yesterday :( I tried not to over-exert myself, I skipped some vinayasas so maybe I'm just tired.
Posted by shanti at 10:05 AM
February 10, 2004
Sloth
The past couple weeks have been filled with little else than work. I haven't done yoga *sob* I haven't done much of anything. I did go to yoga last Friday....first series class..okay... not great as my stamina is down significantly although interestingly enough, to me, I was able to touch my fingers in supta kurmasana.
I've been sick all week this week .... I used to NEVER get sick. I can't remember a winter season where I've been as sick as I've been this year. I can't decide whether having two kids in school is causing it or if I'm now working again and my immunity is down from lack of sleep.
We leave next week for our annual snowboard trip to Mammoth... yoga up in Mammoth will be a definite. It's always interesting to go to new teachers.
Posted by shanti at 8:38 PM | Comments (1)
February 4, 2004
Yoga? What's that?
I'm really just so sad. I know part of my yoga practice should be to be less attached to it but for Goddess sake, I just want to practice. Ever since Michelle (my yoga/part-time childcare help) left I just haven't been able to practice. TWO PRACTICES in nearly THREE WEEKS! Between work, sick kids, runaway niece and my moon something is always standing in my way. Whenever I have someone here to help me, I have to work. When I could go to yoga, I don't have anyone to watch The Daughter for me. I'm so frustrated and feel like a complete yoga failure. Tonight I'm going to have to figure out some sort of schedule. Maybe I simply need to get up earlier?
Posted by shanti at 8:35 PM
All About Energy
One of the things that has always amazed me about attachment parenting is the stretch that core bond has between mother and child. I think years of breastfeeding helps (and I do believe you can AP and not breastfeed) it along too. I always found it fascinating that, over the years, I was always awake just a second before The Daughter would wake to nurse in the night. Even now, when she goes to sleep in her room at the beginning of the night, I generally wake up in the night and hear her climb out of her bed and paddle into our room. I think we must have a switch that makes us open our eyes at the same time. It's that core bond.
So it was with little surprise that I opened my eyes this morning to see my sweet, beautiful little daughter puke all over me and our bed. 3:25 I'm trying to wash the vomit out of my child's very long hair, get us all changed... and thinking about how the hell I'm going to make it through the rest of my day.
Posted by shanti at 11:25 AM | Comments (1)