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August 30, 2003
Savory
The other night I went out with my good friend. He had told me that he had a surprise restaurant for me... both of us being driven by the satisfaction of our stomaches, we tend to hang out together in establishments that leave us with little to say other than "Mhmmm," "Ohhhhh," and sometimes "Wow." The surprise restaurant was exactly the type of place that leaves a "wow" on your tongue, in your pocketbook and the slight little niggle in the back of your mind wondering how such a great find could be located in a strip mall in Encinitas. I knew that my husband would love this restaurant as well and, for date night last night, I surprised him. For me, it was sorta anti-climatic since the menu is a monthly creation and we ordered 3 of the same things I had had the first time around (although The Husband wasn't up for trying the escargot which I did try for the first time and, I have to say, was very "Ohhhhhhh"). Anti-climatic but still fantastic and I even left room for the warm bittersweet chocolate cake (a definite "Mhmmmmm"). The two of us have been trying to figure out how to stimulate our near-extinct "social" life. I don't really mean going out with friends but, rather, what we do when we are together. We generally eat, go to the bookstore and go home. Last night we decided to mix things up and we went to a local bar/club. We went early and there were few people there, we had a drink and then we thought "We have a beautiful house, empty, with a nice jacuzzi...what are we doing sitting here with terrible music, expensive gross wine and no interest in actually socializing with the people in the bar?" So we left... I feel sorta disappointed but, for the most part, content with it.
We found out the teacher and other student's in The Son's kindergarten class yesterday. We have heard the teacher he got is wonderful. Our next door neighbor is in class with him and another boy down the street is as well. He is really excited to start school. I'm only a little nervous. He is so ready and so excited that I think his emotions are taking the edge off my own.
I haven't been to a yoga class yet. I started my moon and so will likely try to practice on Monday. I am trying to massage my feelings about this by reminding myself that everytime I have taken a "longish" break from yoga, I have come back to my practice with some breakthrough. I do know, however, that it has been a long enough break because I am now starting to dream of yoga... and I often will be standing or sitting somewhere and just feel the need to stretch out somehow...
Posted by shanti at 11:27 AM | Comments (3)
August 27, 2003
Jail Reform
The thing I'm grappling most with right now is the issue of incarceration for people who break the law. I have always leaned towards the side that views our current system as completely inept, completely unlikely to help reform anyone, and less-than-repsectful to those people actually in jail. I've followed many online debates about the value of incarceration, the problems with it, other views about it and have always felt very conflicted though I really felt what those people not in favor of it said and somehow leaned that way. But I don't think I do anymore. There is an adult woman in this world who knowingly hid a minor.. not only did she hide the minor from her family but she lied to the police, flat-out, face-to-face about it. That same adult woman also knowingly allowed a "relationship" to continue with said minor and her adult child. Read between the lines. That same adult woman also contributed drugs and alcohol to said minor. The adult child, obviously, has committed several felonies but, moreover, took advantage of the emotions and mental capacity of a 14 year old girl. What do I want for them? I want them in jail. I don't think they can reform them. I worry about what happens when they get out of jail (well, hopefully, they'll go to jail). I worry about *my* family that they are not in jail right now. I worry about my extended family and especially about my niece. These same two people... they've attempted contact. If you had felony charges against you, if you were awaiting a grand jury trial... would you attempt contact? It doesn't seem to me that any person with a chance of "reform" would -- no, these are people who have no respect for themselves, for others or for the laws that govern our country..and, frankly, I'm not sure what to do with them.
Posted by shanti at 5:15 PM | Comments (2)
ASP.NET
I have never developed anything in ASP.NET before...now... and I have to say that the programmer-geek in me is simply all a flutter. This shit is cool and I'm totally into doing it. I know that I'll get to some point in this code where I'm simply sick of it and desire to find something newer to do -- likely right around the time maintenance has to happen :) but for now, busy as it is keeping me, it is really fun to do.
Today I took my laptop out to the park and worked in the sun while the kids played...not a bad deal. The Daughter was "left out" for the first time by two little girls who called her stupid and told her to go away :( It always takes some effort in self-control when another child says something mean to your child.
No yoga yet... hopefully tonight...
Posted by shanti at 3:17 PM
Another Day..Another
Posted by shanti at 3:12 PM | Comments (1)
August 24, 2003
The Saga of My Life
The past few weeks have been very filled... unfortunately not always with the best kind of filler but filled none the less.
Thank you to those of you who thought and wrote good thoughts for my niece. The outcome isn't so wonderful. The story is long and drawn out and it only continues to get more complicated with each day that passes. Most of it is not appropriate for me to put out on the Internet... even though my blog is not crawlable by search engines I rarely give out the URL, my niece deserves her privacy. After being found by a SWAT team, was flown directly to me for her safety on the police's suggestion to have her out of the state as soon as possible due to the circumstances and threat involved. It was a tough week as she wasn't her usual self (obviously) and I'm not sure that I was quite ready, as the parent of a 5 and 2 year old, to parent a 14 year old who has just gone through what will, hopefully, be one of the worst experiences of her life. I hope I did some good and I hope that I was enough of a friend and yet provided boundaries... I don't know. What remains is that I am the only person she trusts with her health and we need to have her examined as thoroughly as we can. She refuses to allow her parents to be involved so I have arranged for state testing and examination and I hope, beyond hope, that I am prepared to deal with this. I'm also hoping I can get her into some counseling... though she is resisting.
We spent last week in Boca Raton at the Boca Raton Resort & Club. We had been there before and I forgot how very nice it is. It's the type of resort with excellent customer service... and a beach with chairs, a little flag you raise when you want something..the luxury of being waited on... Fortunately for our financial state, I was attending LawNet - a large conference for the legal technology industry - and our room rate was only $125! I did end up working the entire week but took the day before and the day after off to enjoy the surroundings. I drug my yoga mat with me and, due to construction, there was not a single place for me to do yoga! It sucked. I attempted to find a place outside but with the sweltering heat and humidity, I wasn't sure it would be a good thing to undertake. I have to admit that while the weather was not good for yoga, it was amazing for the beach...
So my yoga practice is likely two steps behind again :( I know that someday I will come to a place where the responsibilities of being a parent (and an Aunt) will not prohibit daily practice. In fact, I can see that I'm *almost* there having one child about to enter kindergarten. Sometimes though, in today's world, I get frustrated though I know all is coming in the future.
Work is so busy... I like it ... another hindrance to a regular yoga practice but I really enjoy programming. I'm currently developing an ASP.NET application that is challenging me... I like challenge (likely why I like ashtanga so much).
The Daughter is officially completely weaned... well, if you don't count the fact that she constantly has her hand in my shirt feeling my na-nas. Well, not constantly, but anytime I pick her up. She hasn't even mentioned actually nursing since the first day I was home from New York. For the most part, I'm feeling pretty good about it... but I did notice pangs of "damn, if only I could nurse her" while traveling...some things are just handled easier and quicker with some mommy milk :)
I shall leave this here for now as I have hundereds of emails to sift through and bags to unpack... and hopefully yoga somewhere.
Posted by shanti at 9:27 AM | Comments (6)
August 8, 2003
Living in The Valley
Things have been very hectic this week... I lost an entire month's worth of code at work. Take that back, I didn't lose it... somehow it got lost between the last time I checked it in to our source control and the next time I checked it out. Not only did this happen to me but it happened to another developer who has a rollout that was scheduled for Monday (needless to say, it no longer is). My rollout is contingent on his rollout and, as such, my rollout is now postponed. A MONTH of work..gone, destroyed... the backups were done incorrectly so that isn't even an option.
I threw my cell phone in the trash can at the beach... at least, that's what I think happened to it. That my husband has worked for AT&T for 20 years and can't even get me a discounted cell phone is only the icing on top of the cell phone disaster cake.
I'll spare my few readers the rest of the sordid details about my horrific week and bring you up to speed with today -- my niece ran away from home yesterday. We still have no news on her whereabouts. She's 14. I want to believe she is with friends and safe but, honestly, I'm not so confident. Would parents really harbor a child who has run away? I'm hopeful maybe they don't know she's run away... do parents of teenagers actually talk to one another? I've told my sister to tell all her friends my cell phone # and that there's a plane ticket waiting for her if she'll just call me. She can come here, she doesn't have to see her parents first and she can hang out and get herself together for a week. I've always maintained that the punitive style with which she is parented was going to drive her from home... I've always said that I'm terrified of her searching for a love she doesn't feel she has at home... and here the first thing has already happened that I was so fearful of.
On the mountain tops of my life, I am noticing such a difference in my binding since I weaned The Daughter. Like suddenly I'm not constantly moving my boobs or feeling like I'm trying to get past them. In fact, I whoo hooo got bound in supta kurmasana all by myself... and, now, I realize I mentioned that I touched fingers awhile back but this was fingers clasped could have held it type of bound. I still can't get into it without sitting up first from kurmasana but I was still very excited nonetheless.
At the asthanga board there is a discussion about parts of the practice you dislike... I can't really pinpoint any right now but I know that when I started I absolutely detested the Prasarita Padottanasana sequence. Why? I don't know... I just felt horrible in my hamstrings. Now I have no problems with it. I've always simply loved Mari B. I'm really really into kurmasana and supta kurmasana right now -- even though I'm not *there* with either of them yet... I guess where I feel that sense of dread most right now is with Parivritta Trikonasana & Utthita Parsvakonasana. With the former, I struggle with balance, I struggle to lengthen my back... I don't feel quite "right" in this posture very often. With the latter, I don't feel it is because I can't do this posture correctly.. in fact, I think it looks pretty good from what little I've seen of it in a mirror but I tend to drift back to consciousness here... feel the strain in my breath... Oh and wait... Utkatasana is very difficult for me. It really isn't the lower part of my body that bothers me but the looking up... I feel very closed off in my throat... (actually I have this problem with the warrior sequence too)... I think I have a throat chakra blockage :)
Posted by shanti at 4:20 PM | Comments (5)
August 4, 2003
In A New York Moment
My time in New York left me with a variety of emotions and very little sleep. The conference I went to was great. I learned so many new things and, more importantly, really boosted my confidence by hearing what I should be doing and realizing I already do it. I have lots of new ideas at work and a fair degree of excitement about implementing them.
I didn't do much yoga though I did bring the mat (and it was much more easily transported than the black mat!). The hotel room was a little too small -- every time I'd stand up I thought I'd nail my head on the edge of the armoire thingy. The workout room at the hotel didn't have space to even walk let alone do yoga... but I did manage to throw in a few sun sals here and there... definitely not a practice but somewhat of a wake-me-up... and wake-me-up was what I needed... I can't believe the degree of jet lag I experienced... I likely didn't help that jet lag by going out with my ex-boyfriend my first night there, drinking a bottle of wine (and then some) and not coming back to the room until 2:30am but, hey, live a little, right? The ex-boyfriend thing was, well, emotional... and I'll leave it at that.
The biggest problem with New York was a little booboo I made in a jewlery store. I'm extremely under-emphasizing the fact that it wasn't a tiny booboo it was a big huge fucking mistake. You see I have a habit of not looking at price tags, not looking at sales receipts until much later.. so imagine my surprise when that later came around and, woah, way, way, way...did I say way, out of my price range... Unfortunately, they don't take returns and, well, I'll be working myself out of this hole for some time to come. I'm trying not to freak out about it anymore. I freaked out so badly I actually had to call my friend back home and ask for some calming vibes... I'm trying to just take it as a lesson learned (you can bet that is a lesson learned too).. I'm trying to remember that the things I will now be giving up in order to pay this off are the price I pay for learning this lesson...
The Husband & I had sorta planned that this trip would be a test run for weaning The Daughter. She hadn't really been nursing much anyway and we wondered what would happen while I was gone. We had been promising her a "big girl party" when she was done nursing... she asked for it the day I got back... so we went and we got a cake, and decorations and things she wanted (a Jay Jay balloon, Care Bear cake plates, Teletubbies dinner plates, matching napkins for both.. special cups, etc.) I went to Toys R Us and got her a stroller (now, I had bought her the wooden stroller from the cool Waldorf store for Christmas but that thing, for $50, man it sure didn't hold up... wheels broke, wicker bent...) with a Care Bear... big girl underwear.. we had a party ... but then today she wanted nana and I wasn't sure what to do... Go back, not go back... In the end I reminded her that we had a big girl party and that mommies nanas were gone for now (actually I still have a tiny bit of milk but not much)... she seemed okay with that... we'll see what happens tomorrow.
On the one hand, I feel good about weaning The Daughter. On the other hand, I'm beating myself up that I should have gone longer... it would be better for her, etc. I long ago gave up trying to match the AP ideal that is lingering out there... but, for some reason, while I've found balance in other things (my kids had McDonalds today *sigh*) weaning has always been a thing I couldn't put a line in the sand about... I want to... I don't want to... I want to... I should... I shouldn't... I'm tired... It is what it is..and here we are... I wonder what tomorrow holds.
Posted by shanti at 10:21 PM | Comments (4)