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June 12, 2003
Topsy Turvy
I had a pretty lousy beginning of the week. Angry with The Husband, I hadn't spoken to him other than the words necessary to live in the same house with two kids. The issues are too large, complicated, interwoved and personal to put down here but basically, for the first time in my marriage, I actually thought about the possibility of divorce or separation. Work was so busy I couldn't make it to yoga. I felt like a button hanging by a thread on the edge of my favorite sweater. I had been hoping to make it to one of Tim's classes, finally. Instead I went to Rich's noon class which, as it turns out, is more of an improv class. Everyone in the class wanted to work on shoulders and hips. During the first shoulder opener the teacher looked to me and asked if I felt it, when I responded that I didn't he said that I obviously had no problems with tight shoulders... which I don't. Directly after we were instructed to do twisting (someone asked for twists and, as a result, we did a lot of twists) bakasana. Now, I can't even do the regular bakasana nevermind twisting bakasana so when the teacher came by to ask if I had accomplished it I simply said "I am bendy. I have no strength." To which he responded "You are so flexible." Then pointed to my biceps and said "We need to work up here." I often wonder if I should supplement my yoga with weight lifting of some sort to gain the upper body strength necessary to progress. When I first started ashtanga just over a year ago I could do bound lotus and Mari D pretty much with little effort but I couldn't do a single chatarungadandasana. Now I can do a fairly great pushup through an entire prep class and get by a 1st series class cheating only occasionaly.... this leads me to believe that my strength is coming but, to some degree, I also think my strength has reached somewhat of a plateau... I haven't noticed any major strength improvement in awhile. Practice and all will come is what I keep repeating to myself.
After practice my mom came over and The Husband and I went to dinner. It was an interesting dinner because instead of The Husband assuring me how perfect we are, how everything will work out, how silly I'm being, also for the first time, The Husband said he didn't feel that way. We obviously have things to work on. It was a good conversation in that we cleared a lot of air but disturbing that we both had instants where we realized where we are is not healthy and it could be a very wrong path we have started down.
Tomorrow is The Son's last day of preschool. I'm happy and I'm mortified at the same time. I can't possibly be a person with a child about to enter elementary school. I can't possibly have a child about to enter public elementary school. I'm not old enough or wise enough for this...
Posted by shanti at 7:51 PM | Comments (2)