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August 13, 2002
Amber Calling
My niece is here visiting for a week or two. I love my niece but it is sometimes extremely difficult for me. My sister and I are polar opposites in every which way and her parenting choices are far, far, far different than mine. I often find my niece asking me questions that I just haven't fully considered given my own children's ages. Questions about drugs, sex, etc. She says she cannot speak to her parents and, given what I've heard, I understand that sentiment. It is hard for me though because I don't know what I'm going to tell my own children yet and, while I have some idea, I doubt her mother would be thrilled with my perspective or honesty. Regardless, she's been a wonderful help with the kids so far.
This morning I took her to the manicure store and we got our nails done together. I was sitting talking to the woman who has been doing my nails since I started this "manicure" thing last month about Buddhism. She's Vietnamese and a Buddhist. Anyway, during a lull in the conversation she said to me "I always see this child around you, this young child." She paused, seemed like she was talking around me sorta like "Mhmm..huhuh..." Then said "Did you have a miscarriage.... like 3 years ago?" I felt the wind rush out of my lungs. I told her that, yes, I did have a miscarriage 3 years ago... very close to exactly 3 years ago. She, very matter-of-fact, told me that my child was still close to me, always with me and that she wanted me to acknowledge her. She then told me about a Vietnamese custom of honoring the dead and that I should perform one of these ceremonies for my passed daughter. I was certain that the child that I had carried and lost was a girl... we named her Amber.
Posted by shanti at 2:51 PM | Comments (11)