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May 31, 2002
Sleep
I thought I'd do a little update on our sleeping situation... I've spent the past week getting The Daughter accustomed to her room and the full-sized bed that exists in there. She definitely seems to sleep much better when she has a lot more room. She is doing remarkably better...only waking up 4 times a night instead of every hour. Sometimes she even only wakes up 3 times a night. The other thing that is markedly different is that she isn't nursing as long during the night... she drifts back to sleep and releases and turns over instead of nursing for extended periods.
So, I never thought I'd say it because I absolutely love the family bed and co-sleeping with The Son was so different than the experience with The Daughter but... I'm really enjoying getting into bed every evening without rails, without worrying about where the blankets are, where the pillows are, if I'm making too much noise, if I'm moving a hair while in bed. I am loving being able to get in bed and read my book for awhile. I'm loving being able to snuggle with my husband for a few minutes.
The Daughter seems to have a sixth sense when I actually turn out the light to go to sleep though and she usually wakes right as I'm drifting off. I get up, I go into her room, lay down with her and nurse her and try to come back to my own bed to fall asleep next to my husband. The next time she wakes I go into her room and stay there until morning. It seems to be working fairly well for everyone and we're all getting more sleep. I would still just love to actually get more than 3 hours of straight sleep one day... I know it will happen... right?
Posted by shanti at 10:23 PM | Comments (1)
Charity
The place where the kids have swimming lessons is right around the corner from some type of alcoholics center. It is not a rehab but maybe a halfway house is a better description. There are always homeless people in front of this place as well as recovering addicts, etc. We frequently park just down from it and walk past it to get to our swimming lessons. This morning as we were walking by there was an old homeless man sitting on the bench. This is nothing new but something about his vibe just sat with me. I don't know what but I just felt touched by him - not in a special spiritual way but in a way that said I should give him some money. So I got my wallet and found I had a few dollars and I gave them to him. The Son & I talked about how he had no home, no money for food, etc. and we hoped that maybe he'd buy some food with the money we gave him.
After our lessons we were walking back to the car and The Son asked if the man had left to find "a house he could buy." I told him that we hadn't given him enough money for a house but that maybe he went to get some food. Turns out, he was still sitting on the bench.... a paper bag sat at his feet with a large can of beer. I was disappointed. I felt conflicted.
On the one hand, I wanted to give him money simply because something in him moved me and I felt it was right. I don't feel I should judge what he uses the money for just that my intention was in the right place should suffice. On the other hand, I know some Buddhist scholars feel we do need to be cognizant of what the intention of the receiver will be... that we shouldn't give handouts to those that would use the money for ill will whether it against others or themselves and that we shouldn't support anyone's addictions. So I'm trying to figure out how I feel about the situation. How would you feel?
Posted by shanti at 11:13 AM | Comments (1)
May 28, 2002
What Day *Is* It?
This whole holiday thing has really messed me up. A few minutes ago, throwing down my grilled un-cheese sandwich I realized "Man, today is Tuesday and I've just missed yoga!" I'm seriously bummed. I haven't been able to go to yoga twice in a week for over a month. Ah well, perhaps my body needed a break... I'm convinced my hives episode was an emotional release triggered by doing yoga.
Speaking of yoga, I forgot to talk about my shavasana experience when I did yoga at The Chopra Center on Saturday. Laying in shavasana, the teacher was asking us to call in the spirits of our loved ones to support us through our practice and day. At first, I thought of my grandmother but my grandfather was a much stronger presence. After a minute or two, I could clearly see and feel my grandparents. Suddenly up pops my MIL. She's sitting in a brown chair. A big chair. She has her customary glasses on and she looks at me and says "Communication is the key to marriage." That's it. She says no more. She simply sits as if a witness. I could feel her message, hear it, sense it. I was honored.
I'm thinking about taking the Engaged Buddhism class here just to see how I like distance learning in general. I have found two schools that look promising and have some really great programs. I am itching to do something in my life that calls to me. The Husband wants me to do some research first. He would like me to find the job I want to do then figure out what it takes to get there. The thing is I don't really know what I want in terms of a job nor do I know what jobs would be available by the time I'm done with school and/or in a position as a mother to work. Anyway, the thought of getting a degree in something other than computer science is calling to me.
Posted by shanti at 7:34 PM
May 26, 2002
Shelters of Stone
I wonder if Shelters of Stone is worth the money or if I'll be disappointed as I was with the follow up to the Highlander series?
Posted by shanti at 1:36 PM | Comments (3)
Transcendental Meditation
One of the things I've been doing some reading on is transcendental meditation. I regularly meditate to a mantra that I don't know how to spell so I can't write it out but never for 15-20 minutes a sitting. I, frankly, don't have that kind of time. Saturday I went to The Chopra Center for my Mother's Day gift and I learned a new mindful meditation - using so/hum on the in/out breath. This works fine for me but I often find my mind wandering while still being able to do the so/hum. When I use a mantra I find my mind has to flow into the mantra much more and I don't have as much monkey-mind. Anyway, TM is "sold" frequently - there are classes, etc. It is reported to be "scientifically proven" to aid in a person's health (physically & mentally). I'm just not sure I understand the difference between a general mindful mantra meditation and TM. I find the websites I look at generally say "To learn more send us..."
Posted by shanti at 1:01 PM
May 23, 2002
Onto What Matters
me! :)
Last night was my monthly woman's group. It was very nice. We did yoga and had dinner with our regular circle discussion. That's the setting but a realization came to me. I came home and had a long talk with The Husband about the thing I always feel is missing in my life. Friendship. It's wierd because I have created a community of friends and I have neighbors who are friends. I have extraneous people from other places in life who are friends but I always feel like I'm missing that one deep connection with another person. That high-school described "best friend" connection. Now I've had a best friend for 17 years. He's awesome but with motherhood and fatherhood our paths have veered slightly and its really not the same as what I'm talking about here.
What is bothering me is my own need for that relationship. Why do I need that? What is it that I'm really looking for that is escaping me? Why do I feel I need to find it outside of my marriage? I share everything with my husband. I have that deep connection with him in everyway and I wonder why I always am searching for that connection somewhere else. This will be the latest focus of my meditations.
I edited this post for a reason... I need to reword it but don't have time.
Posted by shanti at 11:18 AM | Comments (2)
This Blog Is For Me
and if you are coming here with ill intent just leave. I have no ill will towards anyone. I have not grouped a single collective gathering of people together. I have not called names. I have not used profanity. I simply don't agree with many sentiments of many people. I haven't even begun to read the majority of written words concerning the latest issue at hand and I won't. What this issue has proved to me is that the same underlying intent, the same underlying anger, resentment and party line all still exist in one form or another. The same trust issues are there. The same collective group identification is still there. I don't want to be a part of it. So I'm done. I will no longer be posting at any parenting website other than MotherSpirit and at MotherSpirit I will not be posting anything of an intimate nature that could be remotely construed as potential fodder for an ongoing vendetta against me or my family (not that I believe anyone has one now but who the hell knows what goes on in the trenches of Internet life). This medium is dangerous. It is dangerous because one does not know who is sitting reading. One does not really know who is sharing. One does not know when the intent of those parties is going to change. Most importantly the fact that there are people and families on the other end of these postings seems to get forgotten most of the time. That is dangerous. It wouldn't be so dangerous if we were all hospital birthing, vaccinating, public school educating mainstream parents but simply because we are *not* puts us all on the wrong side of the governments tracks already. Anything, and I do mean anything, could lead you down a road of trouble. Some of us have already seen that in action and had to deal with it.
My blog, however, is mine. I like it. I have never used it to discuss online gossip. I have never used it as anything but a personal tool. If you are coming here looking for anything but information on my journey through life then leave and don't come back. I hold you no ill will please don't hold me any. I believe we can disagree and still respect. Many don't. That's fine we don't agree ;-)
I'll be getting a new ICQ as well. I won't be communicating with anyone that posts private emails, transcripts of ICQs or that I don't know well. I won't go there and I don't want to be around people that do. I use ICQ to talk to people wholly unrelated to parenting communities and actually enjoy keeping up with some of my friends but I won't let it be a tool that I have to wonder if my words will come back to haunt me. Nope, played that game before, won't do it again. If you are wondering if any of these sentiments apply to you... well, I can't answer that, only you can.
Namaste.
Posted by shanti at 9:15 AM | Comments (10)
May 21, 2002
Whew...I'm Done
The Son's school auction is next week. I'm in charge of inputting all of our donations, compiling them then turning them into a pretty auction listing for all of the people coming to the auction to review. You know, I can't do anything half-assed and I have now spent the better part of 3 days doing this thing and mostly late at night after The Daughter has gone to bed. I'm exhausted but this morning it went to the printer and I'm done. Hooray. The auction is hopefully going to be a success. This year we got $30K in donations! That's $10K more than last year. There is one item I really want to bid on - a 5 week class for a couple on Redirecting Children's Behaviour. I think it would be great for me right now because I sometimes get stuck on the lingo. I know what I should be doing but it just doesn't come to me verbally.
So, what was that list of things I was going to talk about? Here I go:
The Daughter & The Family Bed. I've been doing some experimenting. The Husband was out of town for a week and The Daughter slept so much better --- waking up at 4am to nurse for the first time. If you don't know our sleepless history, this is a miracle compared to her usual every 1.5 hour wakings. The day The Husband came home she was up all night again. So, I've been playing around and I've discovered a few things. No covers and she needs ROOM. If there are two of us in bed next to her, her between us or even on one side, she's up all night. The last 3 nights I've been sleeping curled up in a little ball at the bottom of the bed leaving her and The Husband sleeping regularly and 3:30 has been the magic wake up time. THIS I can handle. So, I'm not sure what to do. We don't own a crib, I can't sleep curled up in a ball at the bottom of the bed for much longer - it kills my back, we do have a spare bed but it's a queen and I'm worried if I put her in it with just rails that it is too dangerous. When do most parents move children to their own beds from the crib? We should do the obvious - have The Husband or I switch rooms but I just feel like we never get to be with each other... nighttime is the only time we really get to be together. Stupid I know... we'll probably work through that at some point.
Allergies. There is this family that I know on my street. The little boy is always running around with a clear runny nose, always has eczema on his face and the mother knows this is allergy related. She admittedly says it is. Why not do something about it? If treatment is too expensive or you don't believe that it will work, then why not at least eliminate the allergen from the diet. I just wonder about that and what I wonder is... what are the long term effects on the body of the child when the body is constantly fighting this allergy, when the immune system is constantly on guard because it thinks the substance is foreign?
Marriage. I can't even begin to tell you the absolute and immediate improvement in my marriage when I decided to clean the slate. For me this was a mindset and a mindfulness all through the day. Just coming at each conversation without an agenda based on past experience, with a pure heart and open mind has worked miracles. It is based on this experience and other experiences in my daily life that I really believe we do need to PP the world. Everything in this world of ours is based on relationships and those relationships are steeped in communication. If we can have the most pure communication we can improve the world for our children. If everyone were to use language that we try to use with our children, language that promotes respect, language that promotes a relationship, language that opens the door to discussion not slams the door up in defense, our world would be so much better whether you are Jimmy Carter talking to Castro or chatting on ICQ. It does make a difference how we word things and what our intent is. The key is erasing the cluttered slate of past experience so you don't confuse what is happening now with what happened then. This seems to be taking my marriage from one of struggle to one of partnership.
Online/Blog Stuff. While I had many things to say. I think it is pointless. What is my reality, my take and my truth is not what anyone else's is and it doesn't have to be. We all see what we see based on many things. Nothing I can say is going to change someone's mind that is already made up. Nothing I can say is going to change the opinion of someone who has formed an opinion and sealed it in. What is right for me right now in my life is to release myself from the drama that seems to pop up every few months. For me that means removing myself entirely from environments in which that happens. So I'll hunker down and stay where I feel comfortable and remove myself from those places that feel unhealthy for me. I completely believe that each and every person has every right to say and ask and write and believe whatever they do it just isn't always right for me in the place I am emotionally and mentally to be involved too.
Okay, I think I covered all my thoughts. This is probably the longest post I've ever made so if you are still with me... thanks to you. Oh and did I mention that this weekend I get to go to The Chopra Center! I'm so excited. My day starts with yoga, then massage, then meditation and lunch. It should be an awesome and enlightening day.
Namaste.
Posted by shanti at 12:52 PM | Comments (6)
May 19, 2002
Busy, Busy
I haven't had much time to blog. Thursday & Friday I had to go up for a meeting at my office which is in San Francisco. My mom took The Son to Disneyland for two days so he didn't come with us. They had a blast together. The Husband, The Daughter & I flew up to San Fran and they hung while I worked. Work is... okay. I think I'll lose my job in a few months *sigh* but I guess it is what is meant to be right now. I was just reading that as a Vata type I'm so likely to spend money *exactly* as I do so perhaps this is my signal to turn my Vata into Kapha and conserve.
The other thing turning my head around is that I'm the computer person for The Son's school's auction. I'm so busy getting all of the donations input, the book ready, the groups together that I've barely had time to do anything but stare at my auction database. It is all for a good cause and this year's auction is going to top all others! 30K worth of donations! WHOOHOO.
I have some more thoughts but I'm too tired to really go into them... like blog stuff, online stuff, the fact that I think The Daughter is incompatible with family bedding and I don't know what to do about it, people whose children have obvious allergies and do nothing about it, the incredible change in my marriage since I decided to come at it with a clean slate and open heart and a few other things. I figure if I mention them, I'll remember to come back and write about them.
Namaste.
Posted by shanti at 10:33 PM | Comments (5)
May 14, 2002
Good Tidings ... Wierd Hives
I went to yoga... I got there a few minutes early... I was going to talk to my instructor about practicing with my moon and what to avoid. In the midst of conversation I realize my arm is itching profusely, I look down to discover two hives popping up. OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF could this be? We waited a couple minutes, I went outside, came back and she did some Reiki over my head. She said it was hot but that she couldn't get any information about the source of the hives. I closed my eyes and meditated saying "I do not need this release, it can come out another way." and they did go away. I was able to do my practice. WOW...I have no idea what is impact me so greatly. I really have to get to the bottom of it though because I'm so not willing to give up yoga there.
My neighbor has started doing yoga too. I have this one really PP neighbor. She is the epitome of what we all aspire to be as positive parents. I have never once seen her stray from being absolutely positive with her children. It's truly amazing to watch. After class she pulled me aside and told me how happy she was that I was her neighbor and how grounded it kept her. That made me really happy. I've been feeling really disconnected from my closer real life girlfriends. I feel like the same old "high school" stuff that always kept me from having girlfriends is still in the way. I don't understand the dynamics and I'm not sure I even enjoy them. There's like these invisible layers that I'm not sure I see. I would think it was just me but The Husband mentioned to me the other day that he was noticing it in one particular friend and asked me what was going on with it. This question without any confiding on my part to him. Ah well, I'm destined to be a loner... that must be it.
Posted by shanti at 9:36 PM | Comments (1)
A Moon's Impact
Wow, I can't believe how wierded out I am right now. I feel weak and off-center. I feel sorta like I'm emptying. I'm debating going to yoga tonight. I don't feel my balance is there and I might struggle through practice... I guess it wouldn't be my first time. I haven't been able to do yoga for a week and a half since The Husband was out of town last week. I have a business meeting out of town at the end of this week so it's tonight or not. I think I should go just to center my mind.
Today I hosted a La Leche League meeting. The topic was birth. There was a mom there who was about 8 months pregnant and nervous about giving birth. I remember feeling like that. I let her watch The Daughter's birth video - I hope it didn't scare her more! LOL
I've been trying to change my attitude with The Husband. It's working. I think a lot of our communication issues come down to preconceived ideas from our past history. I decided on Friday night that I would no longer assume any intent into his actions or words, that I would give him a clean slate. He hasn't done the same for me but there has been a noticeable and marked improvement in our communication and it has been easier for him to see just where he is impacting our miscommunication by my being more open and patient.
Posted by shanti at 4:46 PM | Comments (1)
May 13, 2002
Welcome Moon
I got my moon back this morning. A week short of The Daughter being 15 months. I was quite surprised to see it. I was really hoping to rejoice in having my moon return. I was trying to have an attitude shift but I have to tell you, it is bittersweet. The Husband has his vasectomy scheduled for June 5 and to have the return of my fertility now only to know that it is for naught is bittersweet. I'm still working through knowing that I won't have anymore children.
Posted by shanti at 7:26 AM | Comments (3)
May 12, 2002
Mother's Day 2002
I woke up this morning to a card created by The Husband & The Son. It was my first card that The Son wrote his own name in. I loved it. The Husband isn't the most original person when it comes to gifts. In fact, he normally gets me whatever the last thing is I mentioned. True to form, my gift is a trip to a day spa. I'm choosing to go to The Chopra Center For Wellbeing. I can't wait.
Last week was really busy and grueling for me. The Husband was out of town for the week. I never post that he's gone until he comes back because you never know who's reading. This was the longest trip he's been on since we've had The Daughter and it was hard. I was so ready for him to come home on Friday and, yet, I got irritated with him. The poor man tries so hard and I'm such a bitch.
I'm feeling really driven to go back to college. Clayton's Nutrition degree looks good. I've talked to a few people in the natural health field here that say, while Clayton's naturopathic degrees aren't regarded highly, their nutirition degrees are fine. Apparently the beef with a naturopathic degree via distance is the lack of internship/hands-on training. I also found this other school that does this bitchen psychology degree combined with an emphasis in mythology. Pacifica. I don't know what I really want to do but something is brewing its way up to front and center.
I can't wait to get back to my practice this week. My body is craving it. My mind is ready for the peace of meditation.
Posted by shanti at 3:56 PM
May 11, 2002
Organic Gravy Train
Try this scenario on: You regularly try to eat organic. Sometimes you don't but, for the most part, you do. You are making dinner for a family with a new baby. That family doesn't know the difference between organic or not or question why Red Dye #40 is horrible for your health ;-) You decide that you're just going to make double the dinner - some for your family, some for theirs. Do you shop at your regular HFS for all organic foods for everyone or do you split the shopping list buying your family organic and theirs non?
Posted by shanti at 5:50 PM | Comments (8)
May 8, 2002
Wine Picks
Raven had this cool idea for my blog... to add a section for my wine entries. Apparently people really are interested. I think I'm going to do it.
Posted by shanti at 10:51 PM | Comments (3)
PediaSure
While I was nursing The Daughter to sleep tonight I saw a commercial for Pediasure. This stuff appears to be some "child" formula. I can't figure out though why a parent would rely on nutrition in a can? A symptom of our "quick fix" society or just a marketing ploy? Do parents really waste their money on this stuff?
Posted by shanti at 10:25 PM | Comments (4)
Parental Pride, Parental Failings
I was so proud of The Son this week. One of the things that I've always done with The Son (and I give complete and total credit to Dirt for this one) is to allow him his voice in situations with other adults. So, for example, in a restaurant, I allow him to order for himself. At the bookstore, I give him the money and allow him to pay for and interact with the clerk himself. Dirt once discussed this at MotherSpirit and it really sat with me and I employed it in my parenting from that day forward. I found that, for the most part, children are overlooked in our society. The waitress would nearly always look to me to order for my child and I would, in turn, say to The Son "Would you like to order now?" The thing I noticed with this is that it has allowed The Son to feel confident in his ability to communicate with other adults. Thank you Dirt.
Monday we were at the bookstore and The Son was under the sling for most of our trip. At the very end he was getting ancy, running around and I said "The Son, I just have to go over here for a minute. Stay with me then we'll go pay." When I turned the corner and looked behind, he was gone. I started
my search and my blood started churning when I couldn't find him after the first 3 laps in the vicinity we were in. I searched the rest of the store. I went outside. I was getting scared when I heard "If there is a Julie in the store, please come to the information desk." The information desk happened to be just behind me... I looked but didn't see The Son. I walked over and The Son was there behind another woman that had been blocking my view. Our initial conversation was "I was scared. I couldn't see you." "I was scared, I couldn't find you." After a hug I discovered that when he couldn't find me, he went straight to the clerk and said "I'm scared. I can't find my mommy. Her name is Julie." I am so proud.
With my pride comes frustration. I am not being the best parent I can be. This stage we are in... this 4 year old whiny, frustrated, whiny stage is wearing me thin. I'm barely able to figure out how to communicate with The Son and I feel like I'm always saying No or yelling at him. The smallest things set him into a crying wreck... drop your fork? Just wail about it. Mom calls your name. Don't even respond just keep doing what you are doing. It's grating on my nerves and I'm finding that the past month has been the absolute hardest parenting for me so far. I need to find a way to be better at checking my own frustration levels.
Posted by shanti at 10:22 PM | Comments (4)
May 6, 2002
Wierd Psychic Speedbumps.
It completely trips me out when something psychic happens to me. When I was in high school, I dated this one particular guy. He was like the King Gothy dude back in the day. At some point he became hooked on meth and our love affair dwindled away and turned to ice one night when he decided it would be cool to punch me in the face. That evening his best friend had the sweetness to come and check on me later on. Fast forward a year or so, I think. That best friend had moved out of town and I went to visit him with another friend but I'm fuzzy on just how we ended up there. Anyway, to make a long story short... that guy ended up being the first person I was engaged to. Our relationship/engagement ended during my time in Japan. The seas didn't do us justice. We were young. We probably weren't thinking clearly either. Still years later my father's good friend saw him at work (both in the military at this point) and mentioned I was back in the US, got us in touch and we actually tried dating again but it was never really "right." Skip ahead to right after The Daughter was born, I was searching the Internet for some information on fish because we kept killing our pet fish and I came across his name and email address on a fish site (fucking bizarre world, isn't it?). I sent him an email and that was the last time I heard from him.. we had sorta a "Hey, glad to know you're alive" type reunion via email. Well, yesterday I was driving to my mom's house and, for some odd reason, I thought of him. Imagine my surprise when this morning I get a comment on our family blog from him! Wierd psychic speedbumps.
Posted by shanti at 3:04 PM | Comments (1)
May 5, 2002
Teacher Gift
I am trying to come up with a nice gift for The Son's teacher for the end of the year. I was thinking of a nice wooden lyre but all the ones I've found are far too expensive. Can anyone come up with another unique, interesting, long-lasting gift for a teacher?
Posted by shanti at 3:50 PM | Comments (2)
Waldorf on Ebay
Wow, I didn't realize that the description Waldorf has become a major marketing term. I was just checking out Ebay and did a search on Waldorf. I'm a little bored NAK and remembered Dirt mentioning Waldorf on Ebay... I was flabbergasted to see that IKEA wooden products are being sold under the guise of WALDORF TOY LOOK HERE. It appears the term Waldorf now encompasses anything wooden?
Posted by shanti at 3:49 PM | Comments (1)
Seasoned
This morning in the shower, for some reason, I was thinking about how many people were offended by the use of the word seasoned mama. The general consensus was that using such a word and applying it to yourself meant that you felt you "knew it all". I beg to differ. I believe the word seasoned was used to indicate a history along the path. I'm a seasoned programmer. I've been programming for nearly 8 years now. I am far from knowing it all. This career path I'm on changes daily... just like parenting. I would feel comfortable saying I'm a seasoned programmer though... saying this means that I have been doing this for awhile, I've built the initial blocks of understanding and I've solidified my understanding of the ABCs. I don't want to talk about what a variable is, what a function is anymore than many seasoned AP mamas want to talk about whether or not breastfeeding is best or whether or not it is safe to co-sleep. So, I do think I am a seasoned parent. I am far from knowing it all. I am far from the ability to never ask questions, to never have my doubts but I am far from questioning whether developing an attached relationship with my kids is the best parenting path to take.
Posted by shanti at 3:47 PM | Comments (7)
May 4, 2002
Nuclear Families
Reading Holly's Blog today got me thinking on this passage that I read in my latest book Yoga and the Quest for the True Self. It is a passage in a chapter which discusses how must of us are not truly here in our bodies, rooted deeply... how many of us feel like we are part of a play sorta thing. The passage meant a lot to me when I read it and I thought it might mean something to some of you.
"In the postindustrial West, the problems of the disembodied sense of self are pandemic. The reasons for this are simple: Because of the breakdown of the extended family in the latter half of this century, we depend upon the depleted resources of small nuclear families, where hardworking parents may already feel stretched and needy themselves. This nuclear family upon which we place most of our hopes is all too often an impoverished emotional environment for children. Overburdened parents feel fragmented, insecure, and in some cases terrified by the needs they feel they should be meeting but cannot. They're hungry to get their own unsatisified needs met. Given the demands of our culture, how could it be otherwise?"
Posted by shanti at 8:31 PM | Comments (2)
Moving Along...
It's getting there. I stenciled some more today and it's slowly coming along. Since I wrote about my woes, I thought I'd attach a couple more pictures of her room. The sun can be seen here. Anyway, here is the moon and the wall with her birth announcement phrase on it:
Today was the annual May Faire with our local Waldorf school and I uploaded a couple pics of The Daughter at our family website. If you are wondering why I don't have direct links from there to here, I simply don't want the people who read that to read this necessarily ;-) Anyway, I really love being surrounded by the type of people who are interested in or belong to a Waldorf school. It feels very much like a like-minded community. I don't find that too many other places. A part of me wishes we had bit the bullet and went ahead and signed up for Nursery/Kindergarten this year with Waldorf.
The Husband & I just seem to be at a loss to communicate well. Our initial forays into regular discussion end up with a tiff and then we are able to settle down and come together. Neither of us understand where this comes from. It makes life so difficult to have to crest that mountain each and every time though.
My hives appear to have gone away with the help of the Benadryl. Man, I never want to go through that again. It sucked.
Posted by shanti at 4:12 PM | Comments (2)
May 3, 2002
Itchy Again
....I'm itchy again.... itchy all over... {shudder} What the hell is this?
Posted by shanti at 5:01 PM | Comments (14)
The Hives Continued
So, I thought things were okay yesterday...I went to bed and woke up at midnight with the hives raging. ALL over my body. The Husband thought I should go to the ER but I really didn't want to and I wasn't breathing irregularly at all. I was going to get some Benadryl to relieve the insane itching but didn't want The Daughter to ingest it via my milk so I waited it out... til 4am I was huddled in my closest.. It was one of the most horrible experiences ever. I finally fell asleep and they are, for the most part, gone this morning... a few scattered remnants.
I can't figure out what caused it. My only idea is that I was wearing a new skirt yesterday and maybe there was chemical residue on it?
Posted by shanti at 12:38 PM | Comments (1)
May 2, 2002
Hives
I had the strangest thing happen to me tonight. My girlfriend came up to go to yoga with me. She picked me up and we went. When we got there I noticed I was sorta itchy on my arms. I had noticed some itching on my legs earlier in the day. As I lay in savasana for our first meditation, my entire being started itching. Violently. My head, my neck, my arms. It was horrible. I made it through to begin sun salutations and it was just unbearable. I went into the bathroom and noticed hives on my face and arms. I went outside and my instructor was pretty concerned. After a few minutes I thought it was getting better so I went back in but in the first pose I just became overwhelmed. I had these hives all over me. I told my girlfriend I'd have The Husband come and pick me up and I left. I walked about a half mile down the street... it was amazing. I've never had an experience like this. The welts started to dissipate and by the time The Husband got there they were pretty much gone except for tiny remnants of them but I am still itchy all over. I have no idea what caused this.
Posted by shanti at 9:38 PM | Comments (2)
May 1, 2002
Wednesday Is Always Busy
Wednesdays are our busy day. We get up in the morning and go swimming then kill an hour and go to our parent/tot class at Waldorf. This morning started out funky when I got a call from a person who in the gray line between "Friend" and "acquaintenance-friend". This particular person has repeatedly said she'd phone and hasn't and this time I mentioned that I felt slighted by her lack of courtesy. I just hate confrontations like that but I felt that honesty was the best route to healing the friction that I felt. It didn't go well - the timing was off - I was running out the door for swimming but we talked later this afternoon and were able to really understand where we were both at and bridge the gap. That was nice. Sometimes in the online world I think I must be insane - I read something one way. Something that I think *clearly* insinuates one thing and the person will come back and say "Oh no... " I think "Geez, I'm horrible at communicating." What I realize, however, is this medium sucks for really developing a level of communication. You just cannot deny the value of tone and fluctuation of the human voice.
Anyway, the day ended with a nice family dinner and anticipation of the play structure going to be delivered tomorrow to our backyard.
Posted by shanti at 8:54 PM | Comments (1)