Responsibility
As search engines have gotten better, it becomes much easier to find anything about anyone at any time. Somewhere along the way, this blog was referenced from somewhere else using my real life name... even though you won't find my name, my kid's names, their dad's name or anything but the dog's name in this blog. The rest is search history.
I'm well aware and have been for a long time that this is the case. I can see who hits my blog on what searches and I can see where people are reading from... I've considered password protecting my blog, I've stopped writing recently, I've censored, for months and years, what I've written about... not always writing about the point of this blog, facing inward, when it didn't seem appropriate.
Last year around this time, I made a conscious effort to start talking about the very things affecting me on a daily basis. If, dear reader, you've ever stopped to wonder if maybe you shouldn't know these things about me, maybe you shouldn't.
The holidays have been wierd this year. Wierd for reasons I haven't yet discerned... partly my mood, partly that every year I like Christmas a little less... and partly all the other crazy aspects of my life that are new and still demanding energy. It was nice to have a few solid weeks of practice under me... and eating lean proteins is really doing a number on my mental focus and stamina. I'm now reading a lot about food origins and pasture-raised animals.
Today's Rumi (borrowed from 10/8/2008):
Inside this new love, die.
Your way begins on the other side.
Become the sky.
Take an ax to the prison wall.
Escape. Walk out
like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.
You're covered with thick cloud.
Slide out the side. Die,
and be quiet. Quietness is the surest
sign that you've died.
Your old life was a frantic running
from silence.
The speechless full moon comes out now.
Comments
I like that you always spell weird wierd.
Posted by: Kurt | December 31, 2009 5:14 PM
FWIW, I cannot find any reference to your blog plus your name and your kids' names...the only reference I found on google to your blog PLUS your name was on Alan Little's blog, where he explains that Ashtangi.net is your creation. I hope this is some comfort...I think I'm a pretty good googler...and I was stumped!
BTW, is it possible to take the old Blogger blog off of Asthangi.net and put the NEW wordpress blog on it? I hate to ask you to do anything when you're so busy...but I have a plan for livening my blogging life up again, and would love to share it on Ashtangi.net!
Posted by: Lauren | January 3, 2010 9:54 PM
Julie, I might be that reader whose attention you find disturbing. Which is very unfortunate: I came across you blog while searching for some information. Maybe that was the very reference you mentioned, it said you were very brave. I needed an opinion from someone brave, so I clicked on the link... And just couldn't stop reading.
Your writing is beautiful, and your story is way beyond captivating. These are not just empty words. I do know quite a few things about fiction (and about real life, as well), please take my highest praise as your blog is well worth it.
I often say that a real life is better than any fiction. Your blog is a good proof.
I feel bad about possibility of making you uncomfortable. Please, don't be mad at a reader like myself: I mean no harm! Of course, it is selfish of me to use your story as a source of courage and solace, but wasn't that what you wrote it for? You had something important to tell, and your word reached those who needed to hear it--that's how I'd see it.
I am really sorry if a regular appearance of my IP address made you wary. Anyway, I've felt compelled to say hello for a long time, and truly wish I could have a friend like you. Now I'll try to feel better about spying on you, hope your worries will lessen, too.
Posted by: G | January 18, 2010 12:11 AM
Julie, I might be that reader whose attention you find disturbing. Which is very unfortunate: I came across you blog while searching for some information. Maybe that was the very reference you mentioned, it said you were very brave. I needed an opinion from someone brave, so I clicked on the link... And just couldn't stop reading.
Your writing is beautiful, and your story is way beyond captivating. These are not just empty words. I do know quite a few things about fiction (and about real life, as well), please take my highest praise as your blog is well worth it.
I often say that a real life is better than any fiction. Your blog is a good proof.
I feel bad about possibility of making you uncomfortable. Please, don't be mad at a reader like myself: I mean no harm! Of course, it is selfish of me to use your story as a source of courage and solace, but wasn't that what you wrote it for? You had something important to tell, and your word reached those who needed to hear it--that's how I'd see it.
I am really sorry if a regular appearance of my IP address made you wary. Anyway, I've felt compelled to say hello for a long time, and truly wish I could have a friend like you. Now I'll try to feel better about spying on you, hope your worries will lessen, too.
Posted by: G | January 18, 2010 12:12 AM
Hi G,
I am not mad, uncomfortable or otherwise.... I don't have a clue what your identity is and I very rarely check the appearance of IP addresses even though I can....
My post was mostly about remembering that whoever is out there has the ability to click the X button if they don't think they want to know...
I know the link you are referring to... I'm not sure about my bravery but this is definitely my "real life" :)
-J
Posted by: Julie | January 18, 2010 1:36 PM