Or, maybe, just insane. It's where I've been and where I'm about to go. Next week, there is no room for failure, no room for half-assed, no room for a single mistake. It is do or do and there is no other option. It will be interesting and it will be grounding, to be quite honest.

Yoga has suffered. It may suffer no more. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been to practice but I haven't been at the top of my game and I've reached the point where it's all in or all out. I've heard the ashtanga yoga practice referred to as many things. One of those things is a metaphor of your life... your body is... strong, weak, injured, fearful, flexible... full of love, hope... filled with peace, anxiety, calm... Stira & Sukha. I think this is very true for me. So it's time to dive in and work all the cracks out...

Today I had a conversation with someone and after it was over I had a near ephipany. There is only right here in this moment. There is nothing else. I recognize this concept fully but there is the world of players in our movie of life. There are the feelings of the people involved, the circumstances, the rent to pay, the groceries to buy, the school plays to attend to, the games to play, the 8 year old slumber parties... I find that I have a really hard time balancing these things with my body is not centered. The chaos of the past couple years is unwinding. It is time for a groove, a stable surface on which to balance. The catch is to recognize the energies that will throw you off.

I need to remember, in the moment, though, way more so than I do now to be mindful. To breathe and let the feelings relax before I speak. I find it most interesting that when I was younger, all of my friends would agree that when something was wrong, I completely clammed up. I worked everything out internally. I let no one in and I didn't talk about it. Somewhere in the past years that has changed... where I find it more theraputic to talk about it both on a circumstance level but also the spiritual evolution naturally included with all of our paths. I'm starting to wonder though if this is just way too open of a place to be. Dare I ask if I should close my heart down just a bit... I'm leaning towards yes and that scares me just a little bit.