I'm listening to jazz. It's lovely. It's emotional and pretty. I need to be careful right now to surround myself with beauty that comes from a different place of the heart than say getting really soulful with Trent Reznor (which, by the way, is an equally powerful and beautiful and wonderous space)... but I know myself and so I know that this is where the strength is. My strength is that I just believe in goodness. I believe that people are beautiful. I believe that I'm beautiful.

My favorite moment tonight was when I went to the kirtan here in Seattle with JumpsThruSomeday. My aura is probably pretty orange... I'm just as prone to find any excuse to lock myself away from society. I couldn't find a parking spot in the pouring rain. I debated leaving because of it. I knew though, this is where the courage is... so I eventually found a lot a few blocks away and took a shower. It is cold here... and really rainy... I really think this winter is going to be a long one. Sitting next to JumpsThruSomeday... vascillating between the overwhelming emotions and happy to feel like "home" - it used to be that I only felt "home" in Encinitas studio... but, at this point in the chaos of life, just being in a room of people who have united over this practice, is enough to feel like home. I realized while sitting there that these people, if I stood up and told them all my woes, would just sit with me and sing away that energy. Anyway, while sitting there I put my head on my knee... and JumpsThruSomeday touched me. And it was really helpful. I think I just need a big huge hug or something.... or maybe like 10 of them... okay 20.

Onto another topic. Let's talk about social networking. I've, in general, always kept my blog a personal blog. There is a website that lists my real name next to a link to this blog. I don't know the person who maintains that site but it's been there for more than a year.... I get many links from that blog that come from search hits on my name. I've considered once or twice asking them to remove my full name but I also know the page is cached and it doesn't really matter. I am this person. I know people from work, both past and present, have found me. In some cases, I totally love these people and have nothing to keep from them. Sometimes I'll see what I'm sure is a co-worker (past or present) and feel a little freaked out about it. But it's really Facebook that has me a bit worried. I admit, I sorta like Facebook. I rarely have time to catch up with what my friends are doing and I like the one line status updates that let me know they are still living, or going to New York or having a baby... or working on strength right along with me. Til recently, it was always personal ... mostly yoga friends and age old friends... but more and more professional contacts have been made. I find it really cool for that too... for many of the same reasons.

In having conflict over this I realized how wide open in the heart I'm living. No wonder I'm in such a state! Tonight when David was singing he stopped to talk and he said something that really sat with me... he said, sing... and whatever the emotion that is there, it'll work itself out... just sing. Sometimes it doesn't want to move... but it will..

I really like the jazz. So far Miles Davis is my favorite.

Jai Hanuman