The whole smiling thing works really well. Even if the smile is just on the inside. All day today I've been mindful of just accepting what is. Someone mentioned that perhaps I don't care anymore but that really isn't the case. The truth is I care deeply about all of the issues in my life and their outcome but I've come full circle, hit rock bottom, have a deep understanding that I can't change anything without just completely letting go. This doesn't mean that I am not trying but I am not attached to the results. So, for example, while I might truly believe something - an action, whatever - had to happen and that in order for it to happen events X, Y and Z had to take place, in the past I would have been very passionate about my "case" -- today, I feel it is okay to statement my opinion and then accept whatever outcome or non-outcome takes place.

I feel this applies to my entire life right now. This includes internally as well. The smiling thing really helps the endeavor of letting go. Just accepting what is for the sake of inner peace. I don't know maybe I'll wake up one day and feel like my inaction led to a certain outcome but I suppose that's the path to take when I get there.

Practice today was so hot that my clausterphobic feelings came back for the first time this season. It is why I always stay to the front of the room on led Sundays. I was heavy today... and felt like my new belly was in the way of everything. Towards the end of practice I began to feel overwhelmed. Then my teacher read a Rumi poem that I swear was God's finger pointing at me. I started to cry... and I timed my exit so I could just leave before anyone saw me sobbing. I sobbed all the way to Solana Beach.

Not bad sobbing, just get it out tears. It felt nice to cry and just let it be. I spent the rest of the day cutting up salad fixings and making a raw cilantro lime vinagrette and taking the kids to the crystal store :)