I really do love my practice...what little is left of it. I always feel better after but life has taken me so outside the discipline required to show up daily that I often feel undeserving of being in the presence of the wonderful group of people and their combined energies at the studio. Last night I was debating where to go for practice. I don't know any of the teacher's at the local health club anymore and the idea of my whole practice at the studio was not inviting... or just being there and feeling so overwhelmed with my utter incompetence and lack of devotion. Yes, you can hear the silly phrase, "I'm not worthy" generating around in my head.

So, overall, I was not too disappointed when I drove up to practice this morning to find my teacher's car missing from the parking lot. The room was fairly empty but I put my mat down next to Tiffany's really close ;) I was happy that I could just breathe and do first series and not really worry about performance or second series or backbends. Practice was fine. The first day always is.

I'm sick of having first days. I know it is all me.

After a crappy day at work, I made it this evening to the Hanuman Satsang at the studio. Saw my teacher for the first time... had a nice time... until someone asked me if I had consumed all the pounds they had lost.

*sigh*

I know it is all me.