Thanks to Kiran's encouragement, I decided doing this whole self-practice, less-disciplined thing was stupid and so I got up this morning and went to practice. I was intimidated. I put my mat at the very far end of the room hoping to hide out and just be. I'm feeling overwhelmingly emotional and unsure of my feelings about a host of different things. I do, however, feel centered and strong... just a bit uneasy.

After laying down my mat. I went to say hi to my teacher. I received the most loving and wonderful hug I've received in months... and I guess I didn't realize how very, very much I needed it. How very much I needed someone's arms around me giving me strength. What's that about leaning on the people who love you when you need it? Yes, I suck at that.

Without further ado I got down to asana. It wasn't horrible... but, then, the first day never is, is it? It's the second and third days that are difficult. First series only. Amazingly enough a regular first series just a bit weak and lethargic and, quite frankly, fat. I've gained weight. A lot. A combination of eating like crap, taking hormones and traveling too much. Nothing like putting yourself in yoga clothing and contorting your body to see all the bulges that weren't there before.

In Mari B I got overwhelmed with emotion. I started sobbing. So I stayed there until I could lookup without tears rolling down my cheeks. Did the other side, sobbed some more. I probably need a really, really, really, really good cry. I got an absolutely incredible adjustment in Mari d -- during which I was asked "Where have you been practicing?" To which I responded, "I haven't." At the end of first I did 3 backbends and popped up. 5 dropbacks that felt absolutely insanely lovely. When my teacher came for assisted dropbacks he asked "Only first today?" "Yes, only first today." "Out of shape?" "Yes, very out of shape."

Day 3: Humility, Strength, Devotion and Realization.