I'm So Sad
Tuesday the studio is having a Satsang. There will be kirtan and my teacher is "reflecting" on the past 20 years of Ashtanga in Encinitas. I was all set to go, in my calendar, cleared with TWB... and then reality came crashing down on me today that if Idon't go to Seattle and manage this project, there's a great likelihood it won't come a success.
While I have plenty to fill my days when I travel to Seattle and it isn't all bad, I really wanted to stay here this week. I have plans and all. *sigh*
So now I leave on Sunday for Seattle for a week and a half. Fortunately The Son is meeting me up there on Thursday. He is flying alone. I am freaking out. The thought literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. A lot of people have told me they did it as children or their children do it frequently but I just can't imagine... and, yet, here I go, I'm gonna let it happen. I guess I'll be able to imagine it really soon.
I'm a little stressed about this trip... I just *have* to find a way to make practice like normal. All of this shit with cars and late night work and whatnot, well, it just has to be part of life and my life has always included my practice. I can't let that fall apart if this is a regular travel schedule.
I've practiced not showering after practice but showering before for a couple days. It isn't as bad as I thought it would be... or, then, maybe desperation has finally found it's way to the surface.
Practice today was first series only. I practiced next to OKRGR which is always good energy and honesty. My body was heavy and tired. Stamina thing. Not enough practice. I'm just so disgusted with my body. The changes in it since I started taking those hormones (or the travel) are just horrid. I am this close to stopping the hormones. They have really messed me up physically but emotionally and pain-wise they are awesome. What a trade off!
I've started a mini-cleanse. Just taking some super cleanse and eating fruit until I eat something for dinner. I should eat earlier but it works out better 'cause I can just sit and work and munch on some fruit... then cook something later. Tonight I made a corn chowder (by putting the cooked veggies and stock in a blender) for dinner. The Kids don't eat it but TWB likes it well enough. I'm hoping I'll notice some difference if I do something and, right now, it is about as much as I can muster.
Comments
You will feel nervous when he is travelling on his own, but it is such a valuable experience for him. My daughter started travelling alone (with someone at either end of the flight to drop her off/pick her up, of course) when she was 8. She just recently, at 19, took her first international trip all alone -- planned her itinerary, made all of her connections and the necessary trains, etc., to get from Phoenix to Wales and back. I am so proud of her, and she feels so empowered and independent.
Posted by: karen | January 17, 2008 7:40 AM
Wales! What a great trip... did she have fun? My kids both have Welsh names, The Daughters super traditional and spelled the Welsh way too. I know it will help him gain confidence which he needs anyway, he's a shy boy.. but, especially, after my own flight last week, it makes me nervous. I suppose no matter how old our kids are we get nervous, huh!
Posted by: Julie | January 17, 2008 10:09 AM
Yes, no matter how old they are, we worry! I was a wreck when she was heading over to Wales -- worried about connecting flights and trains and her being alone, etc., etc. She, of course, was just fine.
And yes, she had a great time. She met some people who spoke Welsh and said it was a trip to hear. They wanted her to quote lines from "Will and Grace" with her American accent, and then they asked if she lived near Cher. Hilarious.
I do have a little gold Buddha necklace I wear when I am worried about her and/or when she is travelling. You might want to have a little talisman that helps still your mind. And when he comes back from his adventure, he'll be so proud of himself.
Posted by: karen | January 17, 2008 2:41 PM