The days start getting longer now... thank God. Maybe longer days will buy me some time.

Practice last night... first series class that apparently Kiran was supposed to teach but at the last minute sent someone else. When he first walked in he said we could do whatever we wanted "If you want to do Mysore, or led first... or..." So I piped up "Really? Oh gosh I would be so happy..." No one else wanted to do Mysore but he let me do it anyway while they all did led first. I knew I was gonna have to leave early so I was glad to be able to modify the practice and get some nerve cleansing in... I really needed second series last night. I did through Supta Kurmasana and then on to second... no adjustment in Bhekasana even though I stared at the teacher... he just smiled and looked away :( I don't like doing second without a Bhekasana adjustment. What a whiner I am. Kapotasana was not bad except that I could see myself in the health clubs's mirrors and got all disgruntled and down on myself looking in the mirror.

I don't know if I mentioned it but I've started taking BCP and they are doing a number on my body. Not only are my cycles out of whack but I have gained about 10 pounds of pure fat... I've noticed it but seeing it in the circle of mirrors last night really made me sad. I already struggle with self-image enough that seeing the pudginess while doing asana sorta killed my mood. On the one hand, the BCP have eliminated the tumultuous monthly cycles I was having... on the other, I know feel like a big whale. Reminiscent of childbirth, I'm slowly forgetting the monthly pain that I so often complained about... and, yet, I know there was enough desperation to drive me to taking these things in the first place. Love myself the way I am, have compassion... stop looking in mirrors.

Today we'll do our family celebration of the sun... mellow and small this year compared to year's past. I simply haven't had the time to acknowledge the season or create ritual. I can't wait to get back to the days when I have the time for life. It will come... it is coming.

Happy Solstice.
Merry Yule

Live in gratitude, abudance and love.

Practice and all is coming.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti