OMG I can count the number of things I truly suck at right now. Let's see, I don't answer emails or phone calls or, hell, even to questions I agree to answer. It's like I'm in this deep valley and can't claw my way out to clarity.

It all started making sense though... today... when I found this website called MyMedication For Life.com I was reading through the symptoms when a new hypothyroid symptom appeared that I never considered before.

For the past few months I've been having these gnarly cramps. In my calves. I get done in by Laghu Vajrasana. My toes curl in from the pain and I have to manually pry them straight to relieve the pain. It is that or jump up and hop around the studio like a freak (or perhaps the former is just as silly). They hurt. badly. I have found that lately I'm just full of excuses... my knee hurts (now it is the right one instead of the left), my pecs don't work, my calves cramp... yada yada yada.

So when I read that being hypo includes muscle aches and cramps... well, it all made sense. You see I suck at so many things right now that I've also sucked at taking my medication appropriately. Here and there I remember but I haven't been taking it... I'm so upside down it isn't even funny. I got all the hypo symptoms going on and I've just been too crazy to notice the fog of it. No wonder I'm a basket case.

That's when I looked at the bottle in my purse and realized that I have no refills and only a couple pills left. What sucks for someone like me is that I've been taking the same dosage of the same medication for more than 10 years and, yet, I am, every 6 months having to give blood and visit the doctor and yada yada.. and, you know, I simply don't do it. I find it a nuisance. I wish they could give you like a 2 year prescription or something... or even a year. I could deal with a year (I think).

So, if I am ignoring you (and, no, Wi, you are not the only person to be so clear with me recently), I'm sorry. If I told you I'd call you back... I probably won't. If I said I was available on a certain date, I'm never really sure until that day. I suck and I'm sorry. I will get it together.

Jai Hanuman... I will.

--- Edited to Add
Today's Rumi
(much needed and much appreciated)

If you have headaches and troubles,
fall in love.
You'll free yourself
of all your pain and suffering.

Don't ever reflect on the end.
You'll just become confused and lose your mind.

Mind... definitely gone.