Today was the first day in a long time where I challenged myself the entire day to find just something that was good. I'm sure it all started with the small fact that I was up til 3am working.

It's not really that I had to be up all night. The thing I was up doing wasn't really "my problem" if I got super technical about what my job description is and the employment agreement we entered but, really, it just didn't matter. This business of building something with someone is pretty radical. It's a do thing. There's no evaluating is an action worth it, mine to task, mine to do... it's partly, just do it because someone needs to step up and get it done. So you do it.

So I did.

After sleeping a couple hours, the station of the day just didn't turn much. One phone call after another phone call after another blurry eyed session at the computer, a txt message here and there...

I don't do yoga anymore. Yoga? What's yoga?

I want to do yoga. I keep throwing up the notion that this "isn't worth it." I keep saying "Well, you have a choice." And, oh I do. It's just that the ramifications of that choice aren't something I can even entertain the thought of.

After yelling at my kids for like an hour and basically acting like a 5 year old child, I was telling them how lame I am and so I told them how I was feeling. Like they were regular people and not kids. I used high level words and feelings but I was pretty honest. They seemed to respond to that. I read them some of the Little Prince laying on two bean bags and then let The Son eat popcorn and watch Survivor with me. I really felt uncomfortable with him watching it. I hadn't watched it in a few seasons and its become a fest of Ambercrombie underwear and Buff Dresses. I couldn't really take it back though so I went with it.

He told me tonight that he has a "certain sense of humor."