The alarm went off this morning and I groaned. I just didn't want to go off. I'm pretty sure I turned the snooze button through the entire Joss Stone Right To Be Wrong song (yes, I have an iHome). I ended up getting up in time to make it to the studio about an hour late. When I drove into the parking lot I noted my teacher's car wasn't in its usual spot... then it dawned on me perhaps he was away on travel. Shucks.

So I waved GoodBye to my motivation and then thought I'd be stupid to not even get on the mat. So I did. It was silly. I pretty much said when I started that I would do whatever I could do in 45 minutes. Usually, when I utter such words to myself, I'd get to 45 minutes and push on through. But today that didn't happen. About 8:55, Tiff walked in. I could hear her talking outside the door... at some point she did one of her Charades type of hand communications with me so I used the excuse to get up and go chat for a minute. I don't think I've ever done that before. Then I came back in, did two more poses and I left.

Such is the lift of a wanna-be yogini :)

I keep thinking how much funner the bar with Soozin was. Bad, very bad lady.

The hormonal fluctuations of the day, the heaviness of the moon day, the craziness of my life just got worse throughout the day... til tonight when I find myself just perfectly sad. I just need one thing in my life that I think I get or am doing well. Just one.. that's it... one.

In truth, I do have this one thing. I've been really processing some huge parts of myself from my childhood and exploring boundaries and freedoms. It's been amazing. I think about it nearly all of my days right now. It's just that the avenue on which I'm traveling isn't exactly the best one... or the smartest... Jason said something to me when I spent the morning having The Best Latte EVER. He asked me why I attribute a judgment to things. It wasn't with respect to this particular situation but it probably applies just as well. I wonder would happen if I just completely let go of all those judgments... all that self-criticsm I have?

Tomorrow is a moon day. I'm glad. It's not that I don't want to practice... it's that I'm afraid to face my practice. Your practice is one of those things that forces you to be real everyday. It forces you to face yourself and challenge all the lazy crap you allow your mind to let in. It is The Reckoning if you will.

I'm so not ready to be reckoned with.

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P.S. Tonight I tried to recreate the Grilled Cheese with onions and tomatoes from Vita Cafe in Portland. It was SOOOO good.. but it didn't quite get there. I think it was the cheese. Someone ask them what kind of cheese they use next time you are in.

P.P.S. I haven't had a phone call from any lawyers lately. It always amazes me, having worked in legal for over 20 years, how quickly people bring up litigation. Whether litigation ends with court time, mediation, dismissal or whatever doesn't matter. All legal matters begin with a point of litigation. I was talking with a peer today. We all work in legal and have for years. Not being a lawyer but having to fully understand and analyze the majority of processes which a lawyers utilizes day in and day out means we get awfully familiar with the inner workings of the legal world. Anyway, as we were talking about how everything revolves around a C/M# I mentioned how I think our world has turned Litigation Happy. He told me that, in his opinion, the world has used the concept of litigation and our judicial system to abandon all personal responsibility. Don't like how something is, sue. Don't like a choice you made, sue. Don't get me wrong, some litigation is absolutely necessary but, if you had any idea the amount of crap in the judicial system, it would make you wonder.

P.P.P.S. My neighbor brought over an entire bag of fresh figs tonight.. what can I do with them?