I have officially hit rock bottom. I'm hoping it is all hormonal instead of some pent up internal rage that this period of inactivity has let loose. I've decided that I'm simply going to have to embrace it and move with it and let it be instead of trying to fight it.

So today I listened to nothing but Nine Inch Nails. Trent can be quite good at putting his finger right on it and he looks really nice doing it too. I'm convinced that Only is the theme song for all internally obsessed people. Oh all the things we make up.

I got in a huge fight with The Son today. I treated him horrible. He really really really hurt my feelings and instead of acting like a grown up, I got all mad at him. So I was snotty and wrong :

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While I was typing that I decided that instead of blogging about it, I should go talk to The Son about it. So I did. Only we then proceeded to have the most difficult conversation where, essentially he told me, that he didn't want to go to school tomorrow... for a couple very major reasons. The Husband says this is his over-analyzing and normal day before school anxiety and that should he come home from school every day this week feeling that way, then we'd need to be concerned. I'm, of course, berating myself for selling out on my Waldorf Homeschool intentions back before the cost of living got so high that I had to go back to a real career.

So The Husband went and talked to him... then we talked... perhaps there is some truth that I can't see him overanalyzing and allowing that to take hold of his psyche because that's exactly what I do. I am constantly freaked out about how similar we think. God Help Him.

After our talk, The Husband went to say a final goodnight, opens the door and I hear this:

The Son: Gosh! All I want to do is read my book! ALL I want to do is read my book. Everyone keeps coming in here and wanting to talk. I JUST want to read my book.

Perhaps it's just me overanalyzing afterall!

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I could still hear The Husband talking to The Son so I got up and stood outside the door where neither could see me and listened. Standing there I was simply blown away by my husband. I think this may go down as his single greatest parenting moment yet. I was moved by how he reached out to him emotionally, gave him tips and reinforced with positive examples. Really really blown away by The Husband. When they were through I let them know I was there ... The Husband left him by saying "We're gonna help you through this, that's what we're here for." I think most wives will concur that a man is not hotter than when he's nailing a parenting moment (and I didn't mean that like it sounded).

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So, since the conference there have been some emails and LinkedIn contact exchanges (I never ever ever go to that thing). I've also noted two additional readers from Big Huge Law Firms and two really wierd google hits on my blog (which contained my name, hence I know there were aimed at me). As a result, I've hesitated to write about something that is pretty major in my life right now and really running me through the gamut. I'm in a really dark place, full of Ministry and Nine Inch Nails... that place on Trent can describe so well (if you're into lyrics at all I guess... and, let's face it, no man looked so good saying the f word onstage). It scares me that Nine Inch Nails is so popular because that means that there has to be a slew of other self-wounded people running around. Only.

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I meant to post this picture:

This is me and CIODude on our way to Cirque while at the conference. It was pretty funny when, at one point, one of my blog readers says "Hey, are you CIODude?!" shortly after meeting him. I have to say that CIODude consistently blows me away with how amazing a person he is. There are few people that hold my deepest of respect in this world. He's one of them. He's amazingly smart and funny and social and has to be the most wonderous father in the world (which is going to come in handy when his FOUR girls get to be teenagers plus their older brother). When you talk to him you simply know that you aren't getting some big bullshit story that you get from most other people. He's one of those rare real people. Those are few and far between these days if you know what I mean! :)

I feel like I'm getting sick. That will suck. I have way too much going on this week.