Wow, I'm beat.. but interested that the responses to my last post are all similar to what I've been hearing from others I ask. I am in awe of this topic. It blows my freakin mind that this could be true. Are people that self-obsessed? I don't mean that in a bad way... there's a lot of ways I'm self-obsessed but I am seriously having a hard time figuring this one out. OKRGR's detailed and graphic description is very interesting if not somewhat repulsive.

I took The Daughter out school clothes shopping. When we got in the car I had this vision of what a fun mother-daughter day it would be... a bonding moment... I was dead wrong. By the end of the first store I was animatedly telling her that if she couldn't stop and focus on CLOTHES and not the headbands, Groovy animal things, purses and shoes (well, okay the shoes are cute) I was gonna "take everything back!" *sigh* Isn't it fun when those bubble bursts come along. Always a nice sharp little reminder of our humanness.

I have now ceased to remove poses from myself. Removing poses from yourself is the "edge" when you know that you can no longer just will yourself into it. I've stopped doing that and started counting the more minute things that have gone missing such as the ability to straighten my legs in Uttanasana or comfortably straighten my hips in Warrior A... Let's face it, we all do yoga for everything it provides outside the physical, we really do... but that doesn't mean that we don't discount the very realistic physiological effect on our bodies. The stretch does feel good, the muscle does feel good and there's nothing wrong with admitting that. Sometimes I think a lot of yogi/nis (or perhaps it's just myself) spend so much time trying to sound all about enlightenment and meditation and yoga and all that that we almost poopoo the very real effective two hours of an ashtanga practice does for our body internally. Man, I miss that too.

I'm so out of focus that I'm going to have to go look up the next moon day as wierd things are going on for me and I notice that it tends to follow the lunar cycle both astrologically and physically. Bad timing as I have lots of really grown up decisions right now. I hate being reminded that I'm an adult with two kids, a mortgage, a couple cars and all this stuff. While sometimes I daydream about leaving it all and living off grid in some far off mountain region, I recognize that no one else in my family would consider it any less that a daymare.

Since I'm technically "still recovering" I've decided it's okay to bitch about how when I tried, for the first time, to wear a tank top with support, a friend told me I had the fake cleavage look. If you are a long time reader, you'll know that one of my biggest fears before having the original mastectomies was that I'd look like I was walking about with a fake chest. Sure it's irrational and stupid but the feeling is there nonetheless. I think before they didn't look so fake but they definitely do now. I'm gonna have to learn how to take on that sensation. You wouldn't think it would be hard but it kinda is.

Got the new Ani Difranco ... love it. If you like her, you should check it out.