i wouuld have to presume that thse are not the first IT geeks you've been around. now not all IT ppl are geeks, clearly, but common myth has it that there is a fairly large percentage of geeks within that population. so, having trained and worked in a field populated with a larger percentage of geeks than would be present in many other segments of society, it would not be unreasonable for someone to presume that you would understand some of the geek mindset. such as, "i'm a geek. as such, i tend to be a turn off to women. but wait! here's this woman, an adult woman at that, who is talking to me. since women are usually repelled by me, for her to be talking to me must mean that she is attracted to me. logic is a binary thing after all. i know she's talking with me about code and her project and all, but really, she must want me. i wonder if a blowjob is out of the question."

your intention is immaterial. they know you're not really flirting with them. they may be geeks but they didn't get to be where they are by being stupid too. but no matter how many times they are reduced to social feces when trying to interct with normal women, they are eternally willing to suspend normal belief structures and envision a relationship that is knowingly fanciful and imaginary but is pleasing and therefor acceptable. kind of like believing that Gandolf really didn't die when he fell off of that ledge fighting that thingy in LOR. it's patently unbelievable but it makes a better story, so it is easily accepted.

no harm, no foul. unless they're are dumb enough to accually ask u for that BJ. then, they get another kick in the nuts to re-inforce their true station in the social strata of the world

OK, well, what can I add to that string of profanities and nauseating images left above by OKRGR? Hmmm....let's see...

Julie, you are a gorgeous woman, and if you so much as look at a man who is on the lookout for female attention, then you are going to be deemed to be "flirting" with them. If you TALK to such a man, then they are going to imagine in their heads that you are interested in more than talk.

Add to that your success in your field, and you have a recipe for gossip from onlookers. Those who know of and are jealous of your success will wonder if you succeed on sex appeal and .... sex. Those who are looking for some action, will HOPE that is true, and try to get in on the action.

It's the sad way of the world for attractive women in a man's industry.

I have heard that these conferences can be the adult equivalent of fraternity parties, or at least, big college parties: everyone kind of knows everyone, or conceivably could, and lots of people are out for some drunken "fun". Married or not. I have a female friend whose ring would come off before she got on the airplaine whenever she would go to one of these things. What a way to gratify the ego. I have another friend who wore his wedding ring on the wrong hand, so it was there as a vague sign of his being married, but it sent an unclear message. Thus, he never felt obligated to actually TELL anyone he was married. Neither of these friends are married anymore (or in my life anymore).

Enjoy your success, and laugh at the idiots..all, with equanimity, of course!

xo,

Lauren

What can I say...I love geeks. It doesn't get much geeker than the job I used to do (speech recognition systems) and yet I never felt "safer" than surrounded by geeks. Sure, I knew that by being one of the few women in the field and being *gasp* good I was an oddity and I don't even want to entertain the image of what could be going through their minds at times, but at the same time no one ever was slimey or downright dirty to mee. The investment banking world is a different thing. But they are all scared of being sued so they keep it well under control at work, and I make sure I'm miles away from them outside work.

I have to agree with okrgr on this one. Not all of them, mind you, but I think he's hit a meaningful subset of the nails on the head. Try not let it bother you.

Okay, time for a gay man to add his comments. Okrgr is pretty well right in his analysis, but I have to add: don't take it too seriously when someone says you're flirting and you know you're not. There is a world of wishful, delusional, and just plain mistaken, thinking before people successfully integrate their sexual selves and their intellectual selves into a harmonious mix of voices. As long as you feel you're acting with integrity, leave it up to the geeks to eventually sort themselves out.

i♥u, Don.

The only real explanation is the simple idiocity of men. When women talk to them, they always harbor, if not assume too many other things. Funny thing is, Ashtanga girl is too smart fo rmost men to fathom, no compliment intended.

it's not a "men are idiots" issue. women make the same kind of misinterpretation of simple attention and interaction. it's not a gender issue, it's a socialization issue

I am not sure I can add much to the whole flirting thing then what I said to you during the taxi ride. Your twice gifted - beauty and brains.

I'll have to digest the whole getting drunk explanation. I guess maybe it's my personal mental outlook and upbringing. I've never been drunk in my life. I found it interesting (and often amusing) in college to watch people at parties get drunk. There are a few times I could have taken advantage of that, but ultimately never did. In fact there was one particular event, that if time hasnt colored my perception much, I might wish to replay and not take the high road the second time around.

I am not sure I could ever cut loose that much. I am too uptight. I am not sure what outlet I do have to discharge all that stuff. Perhaps your method is better.