KJS made me a killer dinner last night and we got a nice bottle of wine. I was nervous and full of dreaded anticipation but okay. We decided to get up for practice, first series, this morning so we set the alarm for 5am. I actually ended up sleeping which is amazing since I never sleep outside of my home and when the alarm went off, Kathy came stumbling in (she was nice enough to give up her bed for me) and we proceeded to have this conversation:

K: Shall we go?
J: Mhmmm... it's up to you, I can go either way. I can't believe I slept last night.
K: What do you feel like?
J: What do you feel like?
K: Sleeping
J: Okay let's sleep

The next time we got up was nearly 8!!!! We had to be at the hospital at 9:30 so we scrambled everything together to get ready, K walked Gus, I took my last shower.. then K gave me this charming little Ganesh that was given to her to keep her safe in Mysore.

As we neared the hospital, my stomach grew queasy, I had second thoughts. When we drove into the parking lot I tried to get my nose ring out and it wouldn't come. I recently moved to a nose stud rather than a nose screw and this was the first time I tried to get it out. It simply wouldn't come out. I pulled, I twisted, I pushed... no go. Kathy, bless her beautiful heart, even stuck her finger in my nose to get it out. In the end we decided that if they had to cut it, well, they'd have to cut it, but we weren't getting it out.

After admittance, we explained the nose ring situation and they decided they would simply tape it down. Then they tried to get blood out of me. Literally, I was dry. They couldn't get enough to do a CBC panel and they weren't going to stick me again. They decided to let the anesthesiologist try it himself. Lucky me. K, as usual, was wonderful, holding my hand, hugging me, watching me cry. I serioulsy considered scrapping the surgery.... but I recalled the previous night, holding my left arm up so that it would support my breast, having to turn over this way and that to get comfortable... They taped my nose down. Then, an hour early, they wheeled me into the OR.

I was scared, shaking, crying. The anethesiologist came over and said that he had heard I do two hours of yoga everyday and eat healthy so he wasn't going to worry over the CBC and instead was just going to start the general. I freaked out a bit since yesterday my doctor told me he would do it under twilight so they decided to wait to hear what he said.

My doctor, just the most amazing soul on the planet. A true giver. A wonderful bedside manner. He walked up and said "Take that tape off her nose, that's silly!" We did the twilight. He reassured me. He asked why I had taken Motrin the other day. I sheepishly responded "Oh my back was sore from backbending." His response "I hope you are over that backbending stuff."

I'm not sure how to take that and I didn't want to ask at that moment or I might have sprinted out of the OR in my lovely surgical gown, down the street and into the unknown yonder.

Of course, the next thing I remember is waking up, my doctor telling me things were fine. Groggy but definitely not whacked out. The man in the recovery room next to me snoring very loudly. The little Ganesh placed nicely on my stomach. When I returned to my room, K was there waiting. I immediately sent her on errands: Starbucks, banana bread and fruit. Starbucks never tasted so good. I noted early on that I wasn't in too much pain but I also knew they had given me maricaine (like novacaine but not for teeth). My right side, surprisingly, was the only place that hurt. Shortly they released me into K's care. I walked out of the hospital on my own two feet.

On the way home the pain started to come, we got water, I took my opiates (hydro something with acetaminophin to make it stronger), I felt better but loopy for sure. I'm actually doing fine, better than I expected but definitely in some pain. I remembered today that I still have to get this thing removed from my head so, it's perfect timing as far as yoga is concerned. We watched a Sharath demonstration which was fun and then I became K's Kapotasana Teacher (she says I'm mean) and told her she had to just try it because I know it will be easy for her (we are currently waiting for J to get here to help since I can't help adjust her to show her how to do it). I made her do the research poses and Laghu Vajrasana too :) Make is a pretty strong word since essentially she could knock me over with a flick of her finger but, heck, as my teacher says "Tone is everything!"

A few personal notes:

-- 3DStickman thank you for your voice mail. It made me cry. I'm blessed that you've been my best friend for 17 years now and I know you mean it when you put your heart into that message. Thank your lovely wife for me too. We need to have you guys over for dinner sometime soon (though perhaps you have to do the cooking ;>).

-- Strangel, thanks for your thoughts and offers of help... I know you know more than you can say in words.

-- To my dearest, Lucia, I'm so sorry I didn't call you. I know how stressful your life is right now, I'm not good at asking for help and I didn't want to be a burden for you. I love you dearly and I hope you know you are always in my thoughts.

-- To the NYC Ashtangis -- thank you for being so welcoming, loving, helpful and beautiful. I'm truly inspired by your practices (having absolutely nothing to do with asana since, for the most part, I saw none of you practice). You are truly all living your yoga. It's a testament to your discipline, your practice and your teachers. Namaste.

-- To HockeyChick-Soon-To-Have-New-Name ... did you like it? did you like it?

-- To YogaChickie -- thank you for your hospitality. To offer some unknown blogger your home for the weekend in your absence is truly an exercise in bhakti. I will never forget your kindness during this time for me. I have a much greater appreciation for your experiences know... be kind to yourself, be patient and be proud. You are treading your path, finding your light and learning when a lot of people would have flipped the switch and given up.

-- To my hero, Kiran. THANK YOU for always checking on me, thank you for offering to help even when you are so far away. Thank you for encouraging me, for feeling with me and crying for me. Thank you for understanding even the things we don't actually say out loud.

-- To Cameron -- your message this morning brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your thoughts. You rock (and it is official Gus is the biggest choco-holic of us all...while we were gone for surgery, he literally FOUND my Dagoba bar in my suitcase and ate the whole thing, wrapper and all... just one tell tale little piece that gave him away).

-- To Neti -- your words of encouragement are getting me through this right now. I know it will be there for me again... I know you are right.

-- To KJS -- There are no words to say... no way for me to appropriately thank you. You are an angel. You are a yogini. You are an inspiration. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

and, lastly, but very importantly,

-- To CIODude. I am speechless. Your email was simply one of the most amazing things ever sent to me in my entire life. I am shocked into silence (which is pretty hard). Not only was it loving and moving and entirely appropriate (I think you have some sort of mixed up notion of what is appropriate and what is not) but thoughtful, encouraging, reminisicent... flat out completely amazing. I think it was one of the most amazing emails I ever received and I am going to reread it when I am NOT on drugs. I am so fortunate to have met you and to have stayed in touch with you all these years. Though SMRH was the thing to do for my career, it was certainly a personal challenge to accept and a loss on my part. LOML is a blessed person. All I can say is thank you. I'm speechless.

and now the opiates have taken over... so I'm signing off.