I'm sore. It's been a long time since I've felt the achingly painful day of "first day back muscles." On the other hand, I probably won't get much yoga in NYC.... I hear that I'm booked solid, even. Man, that sucks.

I haven't packed a thing... not even, really, my computer. Eh... just can't fathom all that I have to do right now.

Got my haircut today... like 3 inches they cut off... and he put these little bangs in. I've never had like bangs... and you probably wouldn't notice if you saw me but there is this one little part that simply hangs in my eyes... Plus I can never pull off making my hair look like they do anyway. It looked good anyway until I got home... we have no air conditioning... it's hot. I don't ever remember a summer like this one, this early on... imagine what August will be like. Today I was sitting in my office upgrading Ashtangi.NET to the new blog version and I realized that I was very close to passing out from heat.

I had a brief thought that practice in that humidity would be fun.

My next thought was that I would quite literally pass out if I tried it.

I think, in part, that my lack of interest right now in everything is my inner self trying desperately to practice non-attachment. I'm a little, okay a lot, freaked out that they will tell me to "fix" my left side, they will have to open me up again. I'm just not leaning one way or the other. On the one hand, it is uncomfortable enough that I should fix it. It is something I notice everyday and therefore it is uncomfortable enough. On the other, man, I don't want to go through any of that again, especially, frankly, even now that it seems like maybe the pose that is going to force me to break through all the bullshit in my chest is in my lap (strong scary beast that it is, it's still embraceable). Neither hand is feeling more full so I guess I'm trying to just not think either way and letting the moment come and go as it comes and goes.

I don't think I can even ask to practice tomorrow since I am leaving for 4 days and I was gone most of the week all day long... I can't do it... that's crossing the line to inappropriate for my family life. Shit that sucks but it's okay.. I have promised myself to ask for just a bit of time to practice on my own... I do, afterall, as Tiff reminded me the other day, have a room I built to double for practice space.

Lord knows, it'll be hot and humid as a sauna in here tomorrow since it's really the garage and gets no ventilation. Rock on baby.