I noticed last night around like 1am that my back was really hurting. It's actually been a couple days since I felt my back hurt and with it's return I felt a pronounced sense of wonder. It was that moment of wonder when I discovered it's not yoga, it's this darned chair. It's sitting in this chair that is killing my back.

To give you an idea of a day in the life:

I went to bed at somewhere after 2am. I spent til 2am literally writing code. It's called heads down development and it sorta sucks unless you're a white pasty faced closet programmer that plays Dungeons & Dragons (and don't think you are being steretypical when you think it, I've seen some of those guys that write Microsoft Windows and, seriously, they fit the bill). I had to get up at 7 because The Husband had to go to Orange County for the day. I didn't shower all day yesterday so I thought I better do that today... from there I had to get the kids ready, get The Son to his camp at 8am, run to the bank, get The Daughter to her camp at 9am... run home, finish coding the demo, it wasn't done yet and the demo was at 2pm. Then I run to get The Son at 11:30, drop him off at a playdate... run home... make sure the last thing that was killing the demo is disabled... run it through.. it works... okay, spend an hour doing yoga at PAC. Run home, sit for two hours demo'ing said All Nighter to a group of 10 people around the country... Hang up, realize it is 3:48 and I haven't ingested anything with the exception of a Starbucks Mocha at 8:15am this morning. I still had to make my flight reservations and find a hotel and arrange a doctor appointment while I'm in town for my trip to NYC (more on that later)... and by the time I was done it was time to pick up The Daughter... and finally I came home at 6pm to dinner. I hope you said that in your mind as fast as I wrote it!

I was glad to make it to practice today though. I know it is really silly. I can feel the silliness oozing off the words as I say them. I can feel my inner self going "You freakin' loser, get over it, who cares already." But something, somewhere, for some reason I can't identify, is urging me to acknowledge that today is the day one year ago that I had bilateral mastectomies. It's a marking of the passage of time and the journey it has been to be standing here today. I don't think anyone can really pinpoint for you what it's like to have in your psyche that you have this time bomb and to spend literally 10 years deciding you were, at one point, going to remove your breasts or that you pop positive on a gene test and boom, that's it, take everything out of my insides. It's a pretty rough road in it's own right though by far not like the bullet that I dodged which is why it seems really silly to think of it as an anniversary of some sort.

But I don't really believe in coincidences either and so, it seems to me, that it's a bit odd timing in the grand scope of the Earth's rotation to have an upcoming trip to New York... and not even one a few months away... I have a meeting there on the 26th which is like the week after next! So I'm going a day early and having an appointment with my surgeon and checking things out. I have to be honest and say there is a huge part of me that wants him to be able to fix my left side and make it a bit more stable.... and an equally huge part of me fighting for all the chocolate I eat that says "No way... I don't want anyone slicing me open again!!!" I'm in such a frenzy about it actually, that I can't even write about it... I simply can't go there in my mind. That's it, this thought ends right here.

Being an anniversary and all, however, I was super glad to find time for that short practice. It's always a really wierd experience for me when I'm in a position of being unable to do my whole practice. One of the most beautiful parts of Ashtanga Yoga for me is that I've built up this practice, pose by pose.... and, in so doing, it's like building up this beautiful set of stairs that you walk through everyday... When I can't do my whole practice it's like a maze for me, a total mind trip... which stairs do I go up since I can't go up all of them today, do I do this or that or this or that? It's much more disjointed than my whole practice... even if I'm following the series just up to where I have to stop time-wise. Today I had decided I would split my practice and I should have enough time without Hanumanasana to finish up. In the end, that's not what I did. Second was okay, my back was tight and Kapotasana was horrid... really horrid. I did a whole bunch of Bakasanas today though... my bad for interrupting Kiran's class and asking about jumping out of it. I managed to get my feet out a bit but not out all of the way or straight or anything.... After such a dismal Kapotasana experience, backbends were surprisingly non-descript.. .not real open but satisfyingly good and standing up was like a blink of an eye today. Though I almost hit my head dropping back once.

My best friend started blogging... I'm really excited to read it. I know he reads my blog and I really like knowing that he's always keeping in touch with me. It will be cool to keep in touch with him and read about his passion (which involves waves and fins and the ocean and sometimes a pool with long black lines to lose yourself in).

The Daughter still hasn't given her tooth up to the tooth fairy :)

Next week is L.A. for four days... I wanted to try and practice at Maha Yoga one day but their Mysore doesn't start til 7am. I emailed and asked whether the doors open earlier like at Ashtanga Yoga Los Angeles but haven't heard back. The following week I'm in NYC Monday-Thursday. I emailed Kathy to find out about Ashtanga Yoga New York schedule because I understand Eddie Stern has been out of town. I have to admit, in complete rawness, that I'm halfway hoping he isn't in town. I have some fear of practice with him. I always hear these stories and descriptions of him and, frankly, it scares me. I think I would be really worried practicing there that I was "doing something wrong." I'm not sure why I really feel that way but it's sitting there in my stomach anyway. My teacher teaches how he was taught which is sometimes not what is taught today and although I've never been nervous practicing with Guruji and Sharath on tour, I think I will feel nervous at AYNY. On the other hand, since I understand when you drop-in you may only do first series, it will shorten my practice enough that I might make my appointments with a shower! I'm hoping that I can do the Tuesday puja as well since Tuesday I have a doctors appointment and the afternoon free. Fun!

After I get back from NYC, I'm going to do Rolf & Marci's workshop on Sat/Sun and hopefully Monday morning since I have to be in my LA office anyway that day. I'm really looking forward to it.

Then I'm off to Orlando for a week... I couldn't find an Ashtanga studio in Orlando. I found one place that appears to be traditional Ashtanga but no Mysore classes. This means a week of self-practice in the hot humid sun... YUM! Though I might have difficulty getting on the self-practice bandwagon at home, generally, when I'm traveling, it's no problem... it's the blissful retreat into myself.

I'm one busy, busy girl... Hari Hari Boom Boom.