My back has been feeling like hell. The Husband says "Let me get this straight, you do yoga, your back is always hurting... you like to take a drug to help it?" Well, when you put it that way.... It's not really acute pain, more just a consistent sort of general ache. In my New Age brain thinking I attribute it to the tied up, pent up, crappy shit stored in my cells that are making their way out and on as I learn to open the front of my body, stop the slouching, start the shift of moving the shoulders back, the spine straightening out... Eventually the aches go away?

No practice yesterday... The Daughter was up literally all night the previous night. I should have at least partied for the 4th of July and I likely would have had I known that she'd be up all night. I turned off the alarm at 4:17am... just one hour before it was set to go off. I finally got to sleep at 6. I have no idea how I lived through two or so years of that kind of hell.

Last night I took The Son and his friend to see Garfield, A Tale of Two Kitties. Tiff came with us. I thought the movie was stupid as heck... I think the boys liked the scene where Garfield has to fart to fit through the door of his playhouse... Boys will be boys... They were then up til about midnight last night doing God knows what boys do in The Son's bedroom... and up at 6am playing GameCube. I'd say I was sleep deprived but I know what real sleep deprivation feels like.

Practice itself was good... I feel like now my practices are just nicely stable. I no longer worry whether my hamstrings are loosening up, whether my hips are open enough for this or that... of course, I still hem and haw over kapotasana but not really over backbending anymore. Today in Kapotasana I was trying to "research" and hang a bit... put my hands down and straighten them out. I wasn't done when I got the adjustment and, as a result, I didn't get my heels.... or maybe I wouldn't have gotten my heels today. Regardless, I can finally feel some of the fear seeping out of me and a sense of acceptance, freedom and surrender that one day I'll be able to do this pose. I noticed this morning that I have two huge bruises... one on my hip area and the other on the side of my calf... I sat down, put myself in lotus and realized the bruises are from Supta Vajrasana... I am pulling in so tight and holding so hard to keep my toes that I'm rubbing bone on bone. I asked Tim today if it hurt his bones... he said "What it hurts yours?" I was able to keep hold of the right side only but on the very last back I held the right side and was touching the left... MAN that's an awesome feeling. I guess I always thought of that pose as having less effort involved... but when you are really trying to open up through the chest, keep hold of your toes that pose is an amazing release... especially after Kapotasana.

The best part of practice today though didn't happen on my mat. The girl across from me is still here from teacher training. She came last summer for a few weeks and is here again for like a month. Anyway, she stood up today and was so excited... but then said to me that she can't drop back. I got up, walked over to her mat and said "The ground is right behind you, there's no technique involved here, just go back... have faith.. the ground isn't going to move." And, wala, she did it. She just dropped back and stood up. She was so excited she was near tears... she really wanted to scream out loud but didn't feel right so I did it for her. Then I said "Do it again." She did.... then Rich came over and she told him and he said, I didn't see it, do it again... and she did. It's so wonderful to see the breakthroughs other people have... it's one of the reasons why we all show up and share in the energy of the Mysore room... it's an amazingly tangible piece of joy that blossoms and grows and is shared amongst us all.

I then spent the afternoon with The Daughter and her friend, L. The Son and his friend from last night... we all went to Build A Bear which is a pretty major event for one mom and 4 kids but here I am...

The Daughter is losing her first tooth and freaked out about it. She vascillates between playing and whining over the tooth. Too bad we can't remove their fears for them, eh?