I skipped practice yesterday. Truth be told my body feels like a bent twig in a bow, held way too tight. I'm sore... The Husband says to me "Why are you always so sore?" I don't know.. why am I always so sore. I do so much yoga you'd think I wouldn't be sore. My theory in conversation with him is that I just push my body to it's limit daily and that makes for soreness. Anyway, I skipped practice....

and as the day went on I got more and more despondent. At points I wanted to lay my head down on my desk and simply burst into tears. Nothing was going right for me. I can't figure out my project at work... people were letting me down right and left... web problems were continuing to be the bane of my existence... UGH. By the time 5pm rolled around I just had had enough. I actually sent an email to my boss basically telling him I had given up... I've never given up before. Never.

For the first time in a long time I had no desire to walk around stretching this way and that. I've had this feeling lately that my practice is becoming more internal..something I show up and do but that's it... Perhaps that will come to fruition, perhaps its part of the journey, perhaps it's part of the maturity of a practice that has nothing to do with what pose you are on or where you think you want to go next. Perhaps it's part of just being a 36 year old woman with a family, a husband, a best friend, a mother... a sister... a niece... life... it isn't just about me.

So when it came down to time to leave for a business/social event downtown I was in a good mood to just party all night... except I had to drive and so I knew I wouldn't. As it turned out we started off at a bar with a bunch of people from Big Huge Huge Law Firm. They all had a fairly good start on me by the time we got down there which made for lots of entertainment. Then we went and had really really yummy sushi at Ra. They basically ordered 4 of everything and it was really really good. I had one beer and a half a glass of wine all night :) Over dinner I was courted and questioned, am I happy, what do I want in my career, would I entertain this or that... it's interesting to be so "in demand." Half of me thinks "Holy crap one day these people are going to realize I'm completely full of shit and have no idea what I'm talking about." The other half respects the time and energy and choices I've made to get to this point in my career and feels somewhat validated for all the choices I've made over the years that sometimes I made out on a limb.

Last night one of the managers at said Big Huge Huge Firm was talking to me and I realized I was really going outside the traditional boundaries of normal conversation... fortunately, he was a similar personality type and didn't care... but it also got me thinking about people in my life lately and how the only person I know of besides my husband whom I don't have to listen to bullshit from is my best friend. Over the years, he's the only person who consistently says what he means, how he means it and there isn't this crappy crappy bullshit that goes on. I hate that bullshit... it's why I'll never be a social networking butterfly. I don't have it in me.

Which brings me to the tickets I got yesterday for NIN and Bauhaus.... center stage about 20 rows in I think... I've got 4 tickets... I'm taking the best friend for his birthday, I think The Husband is coming... we're waiting to figure out who #4 is for... It should be a great show and plenty of fun.