Hello, there, welcome to the new Ashtangi.NET. Well, yes, technically you don't actually see Ashtangi.NET the domain name anywhere but my defunct webhost is still defunct and The Internet Powers That Be, well, I'm having a hard time convincing them to reroute the domain name... so, I registered a new one and pointed everything via it for the time being... at least all the blogs work and the data is all intact. At least.

I'm tired of dealing with defunct webhost issues.. in fact, I'm tired of this whole thing we call technology altogether. I love what I do, really I do... but, man, I'm just working too many hours. Life should be more fun than work and, right now, I work more than I have fun. I have this good friend. He recently went from doing what I do to doing something more along the lines of "administrative" or "technical admin" stuff. I'm not talking developer to administrator but developer to someone who has a small niche and is basically the big gun for hire. As a result, said friend is working less (not so many deadlines you know) and loving life more. Part of me thinks that's what I need to do and the other part is scared, if I did it, someone would figure out I'm really just a big huge idiot who has managed to write shitty code and get away with it. Ego-check time.

I had been telling this attorney that I work with about Ashtanga. I don't really know him at all but he seems like a really sweet guy and I see him all the time at the health food store. Last week Kiran emailed me and told me he showed up at class... he told me he enjoyed it and was going to go back today so I told him I'd join him there. I start my practice a half hour before class does so I was surprised when I "came to" in Utthita Hasta and saw him there. I did, however, feel a bit intimidated, well, because I work with the guy and there I was wearing tights, a tank top... all sweaty (I've basically stopped wearing makeup now that I'm not in the office anymore), hair a mess... I started to rethink this Ashtanga Recruiting gig I have going on (kidding)... in fact, I started to think which is not good on the mat. It reminded me of being in high school in gym class and being worried about what I look like, who was watching and where the cute guys were. By Warrior 2 I decided I just couldn't let it get to me, that I'd conquer it... and I think I did... well except in Kapotasna when Kiran cranked me (which feels good but is terrifyingly scary) and I grunted and groaned like a stuck pig. I can picture the lawyer talk in the next all staff meeting "Yea, that Julie girl, she's a little freaky man... grunting and groaning like she couldn't lift a twig." Ego-check #2.

I did manage a bunch of dropbacks and standups today. I asked Kiran about the extra breath in the dropback and she told me no-no. I did it anyway because it is really helping me to feel the pause and effort when dropping back. I hate to bring on yet another crutch but it seems like a relatively good one for me... or this could be Ego Check #2.5.

With the last two weeks of school, things are crazy. Not to mention that I have a proof of concept sitting here waiting for me that is due Monday, that I have no idea how to do... how's that for being a shitty programmer. Granted it's beta software and there is literally no documentation. In fact the SDK for the project isn't even released yet but I'm sure my boss could careless about that. He hired a star developer and he should get one. Damn, what was I thinking. Ego Check #3.

All the other parents of the preschoolers are getting all sappy "Oh it's the last two weeks of preschool, aren't you sad?" No, I'm not actually. I'm tired of preschool. I'm tired of the premise that you are supposed to be friends with the other parents. I'm so happy that The Daughter is going to be in kindergarten. I'm ready for the next stage(s) of life.... I'm ready. Bring It On.

The Husband and I both appear to be going through mid-life crisis at the moment. His is more around being a good provider and mine is more around being emotionally lonely. Makes for long talks, little headway and a lot of ego-checking....

Ego Checking... a daily bite to take.