The Husband went surfing this morning. That's two days in a row I've fit in my practices rather than just went to practice. I know I can't keep demanding all the morning hours "just because I work now." It sucks but there ya go. I have way more discipline when I'm at the studio at 6:30am than if I let practice go til later in the day. Originally I was gonna go to Intro to Second but that got blown out of the water with all the rain that started coming down (way too hard to make it there on time with that traffic), then I thought about doing the PAC first series but in the end went early, was gonna do my own practice... stood at the front of my mat, said the invocation, did half a sun salutation, stretched this way then that... did I feel like I could practice? no... it's okay I don't have to practice.. yes you do you do you do... no, I can just go home and have two glasses of wine instead... afterall I practiced on a moonday, bad lady, I should just take this one off.

And so I did...

I decided instead that I would sit tonight. I like to do this meditation where you let each thought come, you explore it, explore it until you suddenly realize you aren't exploring it anymore.... then you move on to the next thought. Anyway, I had this really wonderful insight into something I've been feeling lately... about the practice. Nice.

Today I had a really wierd day at The HH. I got asked out to lunch. Literally no one knows who I am in that office. Yesterday some lady in the bathroom says to me "Do you work here at FirmX? I see you all the time in the bathroom so I just wondered." Why, yes, yes I do work here... The day before this secretary brought over some new secretary to introduce her to me and she says something along the lines of "This is Julie, she doesn't do what we do here, she, some IT thing... she sits way back here and no one ever talks to her. I mean, we just never see her." Now there is the introduction that I've been waiting for my entire career! No offense to them... I mean, it's true that's the sad part. It led me to realize that one of the things I'm really feeling right now is like a sell out. For many years I felt like I was part of the change I want to see... Mothering, working, wifing, yoging.... I had it all and it was good and I was proof that families could do it and it could work. Now I just feel like another sell out... a part of that subculture of work and work socialism... trapped in a fire.

I hope the sun comes back.. this whole rain thing, it really really sucks...