I meant to talk a bit about how, when I first laid down my mat in yoga today I was looking out the big window overlooking the family pool and I saw 3 neighbor wives with all the kids out... spring break... ah.... I felt myself becoming so sad about this. I can't even take my kids to the pool anymore! There's no balance.... and then I practiced and I came home and I chatted with the neighbor wife next door and I felt some semblance of normal... of course, instead of flip flops and sweats I had on 3 1/2 inch heels, trousers and a shirt but, still... interacting socially in the neighborhood, doing fun things, being a mother, having a career... I had all those things. Yes, I recognize I'm still whining. I think it has to work itself out in my head. One of those things that you know one day, after you've hissed and moaned and beaten up yourself (and all your readers) over, you'll just wake up one day and there it is.

I have this hidden secret. I read a lot of historical fiction. In particular, anything concerning medieval England. I don't read romances but books that are based on historical fact and the pieces in between are fabricated or well written biographies (I particularly like Alison Wier's). After having a little "normal life" outing this afternoon, I was really happy to come home to another little bright spot... a book I pre-ordered about a year ago had arrived on my doorstep... hooray.

After that I found a bit more normalcy by finally making dinner for my family... we even all sat together at the table... it's been way too long since we did that. I was very proud of myself. It's hard to work in an office all day and then come home to more "work" -- it used to be fun... all just part of the day not all of it.

I did Laghu Vajrasana tonight after a really hot bath. I did it a bunch of times, going further down and further down. I was really trying to lift through my chest. The Husband always wants to know why I do yoga after dinner... I have no idea... I think I'm always doing yoga. While I was doing it Aimee Mann came on the shuffle. So, in honor of my friend C#1:

On the iPod tonight:

It's not
What you thought
When you first began it
You got
What you want
Now you can hardly stand it though,
By now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

Prepare a list of what you need
Before you sign away the deed
'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
So just...give up