My entire purpose in this blog entry is to bring me back to some semblance of reality... to bring my mind back to earth, my body away from it's blissful state of happiness so that I can find some way to work... Work yesterday was a bore, we lost Interent connection for the entire second half of the day, I had a deployment deadline for last night and without Internet, needless to say, it didn't get done. I spent most of the evening freaking out that the deployment wouldn't work at all. Worked on my box.. but not on target server. After a few freak outs I kindly told myself I would simply come in early and if I got it working by 8:30, I'd practice then; otherwise, I wouldn't. Nothing like incentive to get up early and get something done. The problem was that I couldn't fall asleep... I was so stressed over it and my mind was turning over the possibilities that I never found a restful slumber. When the alarm went off at 5am, I groaned and rolled over, only to discover it was all of a sudden 5:30.

Driven to get my app deployed and not miss practice, I centered myself as if I was getting on the mat and wala, discovered the problem. I never actually fixed the problem but I did figure out the work around and got the demo up and running by 8:30, just in time to leave for practice. I was a bit disappointed when I walked into the room and it wasn't all juicy and hot like last Tuesday... in fact, it seemed a bit cool. Then I realized I needed to generate my own tapas so I spent a lot of focus on drishte... I was, in general, just having a great practice (OKRGR: :-/ ) when I got to Supta Kurmasana... I really wanted to do Dwi Pada because suddenly Eka Pada on the first side is relatively easy and if I hold my chin, I can hold my leg back there... but everyone was busy so I waited (bad yogini) and finally Rich came to help me. OKRGR, across from me, was motioning to put my head back... but I could barely do it because my actual ankles were above my head... I have no idea, when I get them both back there, how to keep them down my back... Rich then says "put your hands in Namaste" and I'm thinking, that's a new one, we don't usually do that... and then I was able to pull off picking up my Dwi Pada after Supta K but I couldn't pull off Titibhasana without uncrossing the ankles first.

With the addition of Laghu Vajrasana, second series has just become mind blowing for me. This is why I'm so high... I'm flittery, I'm floating and I have to come down in order to be able to do this work thing. Laghu today... down to my head and when I tried to come up my calves just cramped up... I tried this three times, all three times, such bad cramps I almost yell in pain. Backbends were LOVELY again today.... I even tried to see if I could see my feet but I couldn't... I felt like I could have... they felt glorious and open and so much like home... so beautiful mentally... such a gift.... then I stood up... and Tim came over and said "ready" and I said "No, I'm confused about what I'm supposed to be doing now." So he told me to do dropbacks.. I said "3" he said "No 5." FIVE!!! Oh no!!! Out of the blue I've lost my dependency on putting my hands on the back of my thighs to drop back, namaste and over I go... I landed the first one softly, came up.... second one a little harder... came up.. third one... a little harder..came up and my legs were like jello.. they were shaking and I thought to myself, nope, five is not coming today. The coming up is no longer hard, I just have to rock once to pull it together, to get the feeling of where to pull and push from... but the impact on my legs is pretty amazing..whether it is down or up causing it I don't know. So Tim was watching and I said I just couldn't do anymore, his response "must work on your stamina." LOL

After practice I asked Tim about Laghu Vajrasana and the cramps... he said I was recruiting muscles though I'm not sure what that meant. He told me I should be using more thighs but, yes, that you do push down.. he told me to try EmergenC -- maybe I'm just low on electrolytes.. I hate EmergenC though.

I walked out of the studio and the sun was there, blazing and it felt like LIFE and it felt great... and I felt like soaring through the clouds and just sitting and staring off to space... instead I took the journey back to the office where I can't seem to come down... it's a wonderful feeling and, at the same time, I feel a certain lack of control, like I'm so high mentally that I can't contain myself... head wide open I think they call it. It's almost scary that feeling.. like when you've taken some medicine that makes you feel all wierd and you can't control it anymore, it's in your system and you have to ride it out... only this ride is good... and it feels awesome... and this is what life is... and this is what yoga is... the untouchable unspeakable unimaginable state of bliss.