The flight up yesterday ended up being quite long... at some point the pilot told us we were being instructed to circle and then later informed us we were haflway into a reroute (which I believe must have been San Jose) when Oakland called to bring us back. Talk about going in circles. The Phenomenal Cameron was waiting in the baggage claim for us, drove us to the city where we proceeded to attempt to pass out... only the bed was too soft, the stress of a 4:30 alarm was looming and the people in the room next to us decided to have a long drawn out and loud conversation at 1a.m. With the excitement of seeing Guruji and family again it wasn't hard to spring (okay maybe it wasn't a spring... maybe it was more like a groan and a roll) out of bed, throw on some clothes, meet Neti in the lobby and head on over to get a front row mat spot. I was surprised at the number of ashtangis that I know... people from San Francisco, people from Encinitas, people I've met via Ashtangi.NET. The ballroom is different than last year's and much warmer (thankfully). While we were pretty tight in there, no more than a good day at the studio. I had a good practice, not much more to say... the energy is invigorating... on one of the first chatarungas, Neti, Tiff and I all started to come up when we heard a tone from Guruji only he was saying "EH! Chatwari" instead of Panca, we all giggled and ducked our heads. While standing in line to pay my respects to Guruji, Sharath recognized me and smiled. At first I thought "Oh he's just smiling, of course he doesn't recognize me," but after when I went to thank him he said "You came up from Encinitas!" When I exclaimed that he remembered he said "Of course!" I asked why no Encinitas trip this year (selfish selfish yogini) and Sharath told me that it was just too much travel for Guruji.

After practice Neti, SMN, myself and Tiff went to breakfast but my stomach, as hungry as my mind thought it was, didn't want to intake food. It's great to have breakfast with a bunch of people who understand your passion and don't think you're a freak for talking about yoga for an hour after practice! Which brings me to the point of talking about our yoga. Over the years of blogging I've run into people of the opinion that one shouldn't talk about the practice and that, by talking about it, you lose the magic of the practice and the magic of the teachings of the practice. I guess I don't feel that way. The magic of the practice is such an internal thing, it's the intangible footprint that is left on your soul, that feeling in savasana or a moment of samadhi that you catch in a fleeting moment of awareness.... it isn't something describable in words and it certainly can't be shared even if you try really, really, really hard to share it. It's impossible, if you ask me.

Other people have left blogging because they don't like to share their intimacy with the world at large or people think "Why would I want to read about so and so's life." Maybe you don't... and if you don't then why are you reading? It's really that easy... Ashtangi.NET is growing, fast. When I started it I really didn't think we'd ever have more than 50 bloggers and, in truth, even though there are more than 60 blogs on the feed, there really aren't that many active bloggers. I confess to not reading them all... I confess to not doing any type of approval process and certainly no type of instructional process when it comes to what you should be blogging about and whether your blog has to have anything to do with ashtanga. I ony read the request emails which generally include name and the fact that they sender practices ashtanga yoga and that's enough for me. There have been some things going on lately in the social aspect of the blog world that I haven't been entirely comfortable with (and for my dear friends misreading this, it is not what you think) and I'm having a really hard time discerning my feelings about it... in fact, it's almost made me uncomfortable being the administrator of Ashtangi.NET at all. I have no answers and I actually haven't even formed an opinion (which is unusual for me) but it is part of my current thought process...

and when I begin to think about blogging and what it means to me personally I realize that I often talk about my physical practice when I haven't been able to find the aspect of spirit in my life at that point in my day. My practice, though I love to talk about my desires to stand up from a backbend... or get Laghu Vajrasana... or whatever I'm currently struggling with... my practice brings me so much that is so integrated with who I am on a daily basis and how I make decisions. Often I find the lessons in life seeping through the cracks of the every day... after I had an amazing practice I might find myself feeling a certain generosity or patience or aggression that I realize was sparked or massaged by my time on the mat and, more often than not, the practice of blogging about my physical practice can lead me to, later, after the computer has been turned off, find that tangent that I missed with the craziness of my everyday life.

I've had some talks recently about blog censorship, in particular, personal blog censorship but also on the larger "blog world" sphere. I started off censoring the name of my teacher but, come on, everyone knows who my teacher is so it would do me no good to use some nickname (though it would be mighty fun to come up with one). I do censor many of the interactions with my teacher and others which I feel are not my place to blog about... one of the things I love about blogs is learning that ALL OF US are struggling through our own various issues in life, in our own ways, in our spirit (whether that is yoga or Christianity or Buddhism or Paganism), in our time, in our heads, in our own egos. It always helps to know you are not alone... One of the things I love about reading A Mentor blog is the fact that our spiritual expression is so different and yet so the same... it reminds me of how Krishna Das said that all these Gods, all these expressions... they are all just the same... there is only one God.... one "thing" going on out there.

Clearly this post is complete train of thought... someone asked me if I felt any personal sense of anger or loss over the bloggers that are leaving Ashtangi.NET... of course I can't. To do so would be to put personal attachment over something that is not mine, not mine at all. Ashtangi.NET was something I started out of my own pure laziness. I hated checking blog pages everyday, I'm a software developer, so I did something about it. If I didn't work, if I didn't have such a crazy life, I would probably put more time into it... make it look nicer, add content... but the fact is, I can't. I can only do as much as I'm doing and that's it... plus Phillipe put together a wonder resource in Ashtanga News. Of course I feel some stab of sorrow over missing out on the lives of some people that I've grown to know and care about through this silly medium of 1s and 0s... let's face it, I suck at keeping in touch... I do... I own that. :) I always knew where to find my friends... where to make sure I knew if health and happiness were at least on the daily chart, so to speak. It's a challenge for me to say "You know I will send emails..." What I find fascinating, however, is the progress of blog to practice... the dicussion of the physical... it sorta peters out around second series... and I have a theory... which I'm finally getting to :) Second series is just this seriously mind blowing shit. Kiran told me this early on. Second series rocks your nerves to the core and blows your mind wide open. You can't write about that stuff... it's simply impossible. So what comes out is the humdrum day to day shit that you think no one can stand reading... only... the humdrum shit is where all the yoga is. I almost want to stand up and start singing "Let's Get Physical" but, sadly, I've misplaced my leg warmers. :) :)

Tonight... Ashtangis are gathering for Friday night chaos (I realize for some this means tea and avoidance of garlic)... for me this means wine... gluttony... and, okay, 10pm is really late for me but maybe I'll make it anyway.