I was telling The Husband last night how odd it is that getting up at 8 was my average and now I can't imagine sleeping in... even when I can I'm up at 6. My body just gets up then. I truly thought early morning practices were the frontier on the end of the Abyss Of Things I Shall Never Be Capable Of. It's an amazing degree of discipline in so many ways and in others a simple mental choice. I suppose all disciplines are similar in that regard.

Practice this morning was a mixture. I seem to have found that old spark of passion for my practice... it's clearly one of those other frontiers The Thing I'd Never Thought I'd Be Able To Do In 10 Years... While I was eager for practice, things were awire in the subconscious. In every upward dog I felt this whistling sensation in the ether of my mind saying "Wow, hello, we're your lower back and you know, we're not really happy about this right now." I ignored it for the most part... My hips, on the other hand, felt amazingly open and happy. I got a wonderful adjustment in Supta K. To be very unyogic and quite frank, I was really nervous about the change in the assistant. It's sad to say but I've been totally in my comfort zone and it was like someone was taking my blankie away. One of the things I was feeling demonizingly unrealistic attachment for was my regular adjustment into Dwi Pada before Supta K. I knew that was something Tim would never do and that whomever took over, unless it was Kiran (who, bless her heart, has made a point to do for me every Sunday), was unlikely to do it every practice like I had been getting. It's miraculous though how the teachings infiltrate your ego... I realized today that the new assistant has a much different but equally amazing way. Today we got me into Dwi Pada on the way up. It's the second time he has said to me after 5 breaths "Okay UP!" I actually managed to hold it on my own today after he walked away.

I realized when I saw Tiff doing standing Ardha Baddha that I had plum forgotten it. I was about 5 poses or so ahead of her and I can't go back to redo that much time so I just kept going.... it was when I got to Ustrasana that I realized I also forgot Shalabasana. It's always attention grabbing when you realize that something your body does almost from second nature just got interrupted.

When I did Laghu today I could't go all the way down the first time. Tim was standing over me so I asked where exactly I should put my hands. You see everyone doing it all different ways. What I like about Tim is that he'll always tell me the traditional way first "Well, ankles is traditional..." and then he'll tell me all the implications of the other options "some people hold their knees .... more back... something something" or "some people hold their calves.... I like to ...." In many ways it is really empowering to be given the freedom to find the traditional on your own, as it comes to you, as the practice brings it. So I tried it with my hands on my ankles, straight arms, all the way down and bam just couldn't get back up. It's like there's this fine middle ground of bend in the back you HAVE to find in order to keep your legs engaged. For the record, I can't find it. When I came up we talked about working into that... I tried it again, hands on calves... much further, more control, an inch from the ground though. It's funny how the rush and heady feeling of a new pose gives you the surge to do it with grace the first try... but then you have to do the work of learning the pose.

When I got to backends, I actually didn't feel like bending my back. I think that notion right there was enough to drive every tangent of confidence I had had out of me. On the third one I came up... feet turned out a bit... As I was standing there preparing to dropback Tim came walking over, feet turned out, waddling. He told me he was watching and I instantly froze up... I dropped out of the next two stand-ups. He left... I stood up... He came back, I flailed. In the end it was almost even standups for falling back. At least, in the very very least, I am no longer afraid to fall out of a standup. In a glass is half full kinda way, hey, I stood up 3 times and that's great! Nerves.

I had to take The Daughter to the doctor today... she's been a bit sick and everyone is well aware that if we actually go see a medical doctor, we've just felt every other thing we could do wasn't working. A trip to the doctor can be good and bad. In the good I realized my youngest has her own unique growth spurt. Apparently over the 95th percentile and had a huge shoot up the chart which is, apparently, unusual for her age. Ah, a tall skinny child.. who woulda thought (for those of you who don't know what The Husband and I look like, this is said in complete sarcasm). In the bad, I, of course, always have to hear the vaccine routine. I got to answer 3 times today how my daughter can be admitted to kindergarten without her vaccines and that, yes, California is a philosophical exemption state (meaning you can sign a little box on the back of the vaccine form that says you oppose some or all vaccines and that you take responsibility for your child in the event of an outbreak and that they will be banned from being at school should one occur).

Moon day tomorrow... truth be told I would love to buck the system and practice tomorrow. In a strange twist of fate, I will be in LA all day tomorrow and will have no chance. It's probably just what my back ordered.

Hey C... dude... airport pickup?